Anxiety Attachment/ Fear of Abandonment

[Mind8Luna]

I recently realized that all the anxiety I am feeling are because of the attachment styles and fear of abandonment. I honestly came here online to find support groups and just get any help/advice to overcome these issues. Lately it has been really difficult to concentrate and I can't stop crying because I am just anxious for everything. I realize my trauma is deep and it has been unresolved trauma for years. Thank you for reading. 👽🙏

[Gingerbreadman1978]

morning firstly abandoned by who your partner your family ? Firstly as your self why would they abandon you ? If worst came to the worst and they did what would you do have a plan make sure sure you are financially ok as best you can what are you anxious about if you get anxious about anything write it down then have a plan if this happens I will do this or that so you feel prepared for anything 99.9% of the time it’s just down to over thinking but if your prepared to deal with things it makes life easier 👍and what ever trauma you have been through write everything down how your feeling let every thing out then burn it 🔥 it’s gone it’s one way off getting things off your chest with out having to sit down and tell someone all your trauma to feel better hope this helps good luck 👍

[Mind8Luna in reply to Gingerbreadman1978]

Hello! Thank you so much for your advice and feedback. I appreciate you taking the time to respond in such detail. 🙏🏽

To answer a couple of your questions, ..by my partner...my parents separated when I was 6 years old. My dad left to work for a year and my siblings and I did not see him for an entire year. I didn't realize how that would all have an impact on me later in life. My dad is very much evolved in my life and always has been, except that year. Theres more to it though. Love and affection wasn't really shown in our household as much. Like we never were taught how to express ourselves. Again thank you! 🙏

[Gingerbreadman1978 in reply to Mind8Luna]

your welcome 👍

[Mouzer]

I too have been struggling. One step at a time.

[Mind8Luna in reply to Mouzer]

Hello! Thank you, I appreciate that. I absolutely am taking it one step at a time. I know patience will help with this healing journey. I wish you a peaceful journey as well. 🙏🏽

[fauxartist]

Abandonment issues are a very deep-seated emotional injury...especially when you have had repeated episodes during your childhood. This is an extremely difficult issue to tackle, but not impossible. And I have to say... I really needed professional help with this for many years. It's invaluable to find a therapist that understands these issues, and one you feel you can trust. You have to be persistent, and keep learning as much as you can to help you understand your fears. There are many sites now online that give great info on how to start dealing with this stuff, just start looking.... And here on the site is a great place to interact with others who are living with this damage as well. I have CPTSD from my childhood abuse, neglect, and abandonment issues.

[Mind8Luna in reply to fauxartist]

Hello! Thank you so much for your knowledge on this. I really appreciate you taking the time to educate me on this topic and how to navigate through some of it. Yes, last night it kind of all downed on me and I couldn't sleep so I started researching and I came across this website. I've taken therapy before but I couldn't really tell what my deepest wounds were so a year later without therapy now and I am figuring it out on my own what I need to nourish and work on.

How are you doing? How is your journey going with this? I wish it's better! Again thank you for your response 🙏.

[fauxartist in reply to Mind8Luna]

I'm better now Luna.... many years of work under my belt, triggers are still there, that will never go away, but my choices on how to deal with stuff is much better.

There are a number of sites dealing with these issues, but you shouldn't get roped into any of the pay for care stuff. You can find lots of info that is free, as it should be.

I read this on one of the sites...

The fear of abandonment by considering it through the lens of attachment theory: Attachment theory emphasizes the importance of bonds between people, with particular emphasis on the caregiver-child relationship. This early relationship can have a powerful impact on our lives, both in childhood and as adults. For example, research suggests that our worldviews are shaped by our caregivers’ responses to our attachment-seeking behaviors–such as crying, smiling, and eye contact–when we were children.

When our caregiver is attuned to our needs, available to respond to them, and responds in a nurturing way, we develop a sense of trust and safety in ourselves, others, and the world. However, if our caregiver responds inconsistently, rejecting, or abusively to attachment-seeking behaviors, we’re likely to believe that the world is an unsafe place; that we can’t trust others, and that something is wrong with us.

Because of the uncertainty, unpredictability, and lack of safety a child can feel when they are insecurely attached with their primary caregiver, the child may start to believe that abandonment is a regular facet of life. In essence, they develop a fear of abandonment, which can affect their later relationships.

[Mind8Luna in reply to fauxartist]

Wow! Thank you so much for this! And I wish you strength to keep on fighting against those negative thoughts. 💪🏾🧠🧡This is all great information. Thank you again! I was considering paying for therapy. But I can definitely navigate through the web to look for free resources. Do you happen to know of any good websites I can go to? 🙏🏽

[fauxartist in reply to Mind8Luna]

I really benefited from having a professional guide me through the first years of learning to understand and cope with this stuff...it's great to have as many other tools in the tool box, but therapy was the most important for me in the beginning, you may want to reconsider doing that as well.

[Mind8Luna in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much! I did go through therapy for about a year but they cut it off because i was in a different state. I know i need it. How can you tell if it's the right therapist for you?

[fauxartist in reply to Mind8Luna]

I would ask a potential choice for a therapist before I even went into their office if they specialize in abandonment issues, and if not, could they recommend a therapist that does. Then it's simply finding the right fit. Always remember that your paying them, and that if your not feeling heard, or you don't feel you trust them...then tell them so and ask if they may know of another colleague that may be a better fit for you. A professional would understand that, and want that for you, so don't worry about offending them..... your there to get help, and if that person can't help you, then it's okay to move forward.

[CatsandCheese in reply to fauxartist]

Yes!!!

[FightingTheDark]

Though I am much older (m, 64) I have many of the same issues. Some came out in therapy yesterday. Trauma from childhood, loneliness. All I can say is that there are many of us out here.

[Mind8Luna in reply to FightingTheDark]

Hello! Thank you for reminding me that I am not all alone out here . I truly wish that you find your peace. I can imagine how difficult it is to live with such trauma. It hit me last night in what I need to work on. And i realized that for years I was looking at it a whole different way. I was loving and being kind too excessively. Not realizing how unhealthy those patterns were. But because it was pure genuine love , I knew I meant all good not bad, I was blocking myself from seeing my deepest trauma. I had to accept, acknowledge and understand to the best of my ability. I still don't know the full cause. I just know I identify with these trauma patterns. And I know there is more to learn and overcome. But just like others have said. One step at a time.

Thank you again for sharing. 🙏🏽

[FightingTheDark]

I hope today is better for you.

[Mind8Luna in reply to FightingTheDark]

Thank you! It was until it wasn't. I keep crying today. I sometimes think i know what I need to do but then I'm overthinking not knowing what the right thing to do is anymore.

[CatsandCheese]

Be kind to yourself. ❤️. Don't beat yourself up. Are you as kind and understanding to yourself as you are to others? Hope so. 😻

[Mind8Luna in reply to CatsandCheese]

Hello! Thank you for your response. I appreciate your time. To answer your question. No , i am not as kind and understanding to myself as I am to others. But, I'm being so and learning to be those things and more towards myself. I've struggled in doing that, almost as if i don't know how to be. 🧡🙏🏽👽thank you again!

[CatsandCheese]

You're on your way! Progress, not perfection. 😻☘️