There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, because they were copycats!
or
How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
With flood lighting.
or
What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
The police had to comb the area.
or
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Ouch!
or
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
“Pleased to eat you.”
or
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?Because he was outstanding in his field.
I told my wife she was drawing her eye brows too high. She seemed surprised.
I tried to start up my own hot air balloon business but it never got off the ground.
😂😆💟🤩
LOL
The eye brow joke-too funny.😁
Downandout123, that is the one that cracked me up LOL
lol 
xx
A little boy and a girl were walking home from school.
"Guess what I found behind the radiator in our class?"
"What?" inquired the little girl.
"I found a contraceptive behind the radiator."
"What's a radiator?"
What would happen if everyone had a pink car?
We'd be a pink carnation.
🙄
Student was arrested for urinating in a shop doorway
and was charged with impersonating a police officer.
Ew.
For our UK 🙄🙄;
Cricket Terms Explained
At the interval, everyone rushed to the bar, where the local publican had thoughtfully provided a case of light ale.
Unfortunately, the ale was off and halfway through the second innings, everyone was so ill that they abandoned the match.
It was a case of bad light stopping play.
A judge to prisoner at the bar, "Have you anything to say before I pass sentence on you for the theft of a chicken?"
"I took it for a lark, sir," replied the prisoner.
"No resemblance whatsoever, three months!"
Hehehe
OOOPS! guess who found his old university PTQ 1984, tried to keep to "cleaner ones?
Did you here about the Irishman who opened a microchip factory. He was so successful he moved into smaller premises.
[ps I'm from Northern Ireland🍀🙄]
"Tommy," said the teacher, "If I lay two eggs on the table and one on the chair, how many eggs will be there altogether?"
"Personally," retorted Tommy, "I don't think you can do it."
Hehehe Good ones!
The following tells of a frequent conversation I have with my husband upon waking up during these cold months:
Him: "I thought I heard someone in the house last night"
Me (in my coat, scarf, and gloves that I wasn't wearing at the beginning of the night): "turning on the heat would solve that, you know"
Funny 😆 😆 😆
Nagged the golfer's wife. "If you ever spent a Sunday with me instead of playing golf, I think I'd drop down dead."
Replied the husband; "Bribery will get you nowhere."
Why didn't the shrimp give his friend any sweets?
because he was a little shellfish.
I used to go down to the pub in the evening and play darts with my girl friend, till her head got blunt.
Did you hear about the horrid hotel called the fiddle?
Because it was a vile inn.
1984 university humour🙄
A recent survey showed that fifty percent of men and women had a cigarette with their coffee at breakfast.
The other fifty per cent had milk and sugar.
An Arab Prince had three sons and he asked each what he wanted for his birthday.
The first wanted a golf club, so he bought him Gleneagles.
The second wanted a radio, so he bought the BBC.
The third wanted a cowboy outfit, so he bought him Chelsea Football Club.
Adlon57 you’re comedian star!! The best to you!!!
Many years ago, I caught sight of a tree from the bus I was on. It grabbed my attention and I kept looking back at it. When I got home, I told my husband about it.
Me: "I saw a tree from my bus today. I think it's fake, though"
Hubby: "why do you say that?"
Me: "because the leaves went from pink to red to purple all in the span of a minute"
Thank you for all you post x makes my day x
Thanks, ,and so do yours! Gives my mind something light to focus on
1980's humour 🙄;
Epitaph for a hippie;
Don't dig me, man, I'm real gone.
What's black and red and found between elephant's toes?
Careless pygmies.
Murphy lying with a hangover in front of the fire.
The wife says, "Murphy, are you going to eat this dinner or will I give it to the dog".
Murphy; "Why, what did the dog do!"
If a girl with briefs is a lawyer, what is a girl without briefs?
A solicitor.
Professor "Why didn't you answer me?"
Student "I did, I shook my head."
Professor "You expect me to hear it rattle from here!"
Did you hear about the professor who crossed a Jersey cow with a masochist?
He got cream that whips itself.
Student; I don't like all those rats in my room.
Landlord; Well point out those you do like and I'll get rid of the others.
