im new here

[Kclucky87]

hello, i am new here. i was told about this site from a grief counselor. i have battled with agoraphobia since i was little, i also have a very high anxiety disorder and panic disorder. the past few years from chronic stress i have had a few seizures and i have battled with depression my whole life it seems. Doctors dont seem to help or understand what i go through. My mother was my best friend and i lost her in august. The hospital caused so much harm to her to come back from all the damaged they caused. There are a lot of fears and things going through my head. i figure give this online thing a try. i just want to hide and fade away. i feel so lost and none of this is helping my depression or other health problems.

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I am glad you are giving this site a try. There is a lot of support available here. I am sorry for the loss of your Mother.

[HaikuYou]

Welcome. My condolences for the loss of your mom. Losing a parent really hits hard.

Just keep breathing, it gets easier with time but she'll really always be with you in a quiet way.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I'm sorry for your loss. As someone who loves her mother deeply. I can't imagine how you must feel.

I understand about the doctors not understanding. Medical doctors don't really understand mental side. They understand a little where they can prescribe an antidepressants or antianxiety pill for it. But they don't get the phobias and the thoughts. That's for the psychiatrists and counselors. But just like everything else, you have to see if they are a good fit for you. And it's tough. I had 2 that were bad and I found a great psychiatrist and counselor. Unfortunately I lost my counselor because she had to retire.

I was okay until I had a medical health issue and that hurt and traumatized me. I really wish I had her services again. But I didn't and I have fallen from my place. Now trying to crawl back up.

And my mom has gone through medical issues and it sucked having to watch that. And see how terrible she was treated. That's why now we make sure she never goes back to that hospital.

I even told my partner to take me to these hospitals but this one. Because it was bad.

Grief is something you never "get over". You are able to handle it better. You don't burst out in tears so freely. But there will be times where it happens randomly. It can be caused by a song, a movie or even a smell. Makes you think of them. But know she lives in your heart. You will always have her. Think of those beautiful memories, didn't focus on the bad ones. Also feel free to share her stories. Sharing stories about her is like getting to spend time with her again, even if it's only for a little bit.

Sending love and hugs 🫂 ❤️

[Quantumconscious]

I wanted to add words of support to those already added. I share some of your traits and it has taken a long time but I do a sequence of zen meditation using The Way app, do breathwork, and than transcendental meditation as well as walks. It is easy to feel like you are all alone as I have that feeling also but as you see there are others going through some of this also. Adding grief on top of your other issues is really challenging and I hope you find this a safe place to express your feelings.