Discouragement and Uncomfortable Vibes

[MH1982]

Hello, everyone. I've come to this group because I've been dealing with some struggles. October had been a difficult month for me as I was hit with several issues that caused me a great deal of anxiety. Some of them triggered flashbacks from traumatizing events from my childhood. It was during that time that I realized that my life now and a lot of things that I've been struggling with could be traced back to my past. Since then, I've been on a journey of healing and recovery. Recently, I confided in someone about the struggles that I've been dealing with. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do, but as time went on, I found myself regretting that decision. Yesterday, this person called me on the phone and at first, things seemed fine. As the conversation went on, I found myself experiencing the same uncomfortable vibes. Is this all in my head or is this something that I should be taking seriously? For the most part, this person means well, or at least I think they do, or I think they believe that they do. The trouble is that sometimes I feel like they look down on me because they don't understand me or the struggles that I've faced and am currently facing, even though they were aware of at least some of the things that were happening during my childhood. I try to explain it to them, but I feel like they're not listening. It's like I'm speaking to deaf ears. They act as though the solution is "cookie cutter" and simple and that it'll just go away. When I recently told them that I made certain connections and that I was on a journey of healing they said that they were "happy" for me but they didn't actually seem happy for me. When I mentioned the progress that had been made, they acted "positive" at first, but then they turned around and beat me down with negativity, failures and words of discouragement, which caused me to feel like I've failed. I don't know if they think this is "motivational" but it does not make me feel motivated or encouraged at all. Instead, it makes me feel like shutting down, feeling like "what's the use" I'll never rise above it and it'll never be good enough anyway. Nothing I ever do is good enough. They also seem to favor my sister, bragging up everything she does which I find to be hurtful, meanwhile, they try to tell me what they think I should be doing and where I went wrong. They don't appreciate my achievements, my passions or desires. Instead, they belittle and devalue them, meanwhile, bragging my sister up and putting her on a pedestal, and promoting her. They'll also go as far as to insinuate that I'd be good enough under certain circumstances (dressing "in style" and getting my hair cut and dyed). This doesn't make feel good about myself. I already don't like what I see in the mirror because of having to hear for my entire childhood about how ugly I was. I have a difficult time trusting people and as time goes on, I find it to be an even bigger struggle as people continue to show their true colors more and more. I also remember a time when I had made an achievement that I was quite happy with and this person felt the need to "one up" me. This isn't the first time this has happened as I remember other family members doing the same thing to me. They can't ever be happy for me but instead, they "one up" me and then continue to look down on me. I do not enjoy get togethers and I try to avoid them because I always feel out of place. I also find myself feeling like I can't be myself around most, if not all of my relatives (not counting the ones that I live with).

[LifeIsThePitts]

It's not up to this person to validate your accomplishments and if they don't support you in a healthy manner, and celebrate your milestones and healing journey, they are not your "friend". It sounds like they're not a supportive person in your life and use veiled offhanded comments to manipulate and make you feel like your accomplishments are invalid or judge you based on other relatives.

You haven't done anything wrong whatsoever. Be proud of yourself 💪😎 for your achievements. You're beautiful and perfect just the way you are.

This person is projecting their own insecurities onto you. Don't pay one minute of attention to their disrespectful and unnecessary actions. You're on a journey of SELF DISCOVERY... not on a journey of SOMEONE ELSE'S discovery.

Embrace your past present and future, as it seems you are already doing that and you're on the right path. Don't listen to anything or anyone but YOU. Your needs are what has to be identified by yourself, not by friends, society, cultural, familial, religious or spiritual affiliations.

You're right for feeling uncomfortable and for getting negative vibes from this person. Your intuition is rarely wrong. Tune into it more.

[LoveforAll41]

I am sorry that you are going through this MH1982. You will have to make some decisions going forward. If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice - I think that is from a Rush song? You could call out the uncomfortable feeling and see what happens if it comes back when you talk to them. Anyway, on your journey you will grow and relationships will change. A hard part of mental illness and suffering is that I think it is incredibly hard to understand if you haven't been through it.

I will say that if they are saying or inferring things like "They'll also go as far as to insinuate that I'd be good enough under certain circumstances (dressing "in style" and getting my hair cut and dyed)." This sounds like an absolutely terrible person to have in your life.

That being said perhaps this is a parent or someone you don't want to cut out of your life. Then you will have to set some boundaries on how you will interact. Maybe you only talk about certain things with them...

It is hard with family, especially those we don't have anything in common with. Maybe you just make brief appearances at family events or you just mainly talk to one person. Just spitballing here. I wish you peace on your journey.☮️

[DPMom]

I understand on a personal level a lot of what you are feeling. I am so tired of the masking and trying to be someone that others think I am or would like, to be “normal”. I hate living up to other people’s expectations. It makes me question who I am, what is wrong with me all the time

[Catt02]

That's a drag, I'm so sorry. You are right to pay attention to your vibes or instincts. I do so tire of the competitive thing, whether at school or the workplace or among family, I just wonder what on earth is the point. It's ego. Lot ppl seem to be hung up on this "winning" thing. Their self-esteem depends on it. What could possibly go wrong?! It's their identity, or so they think. And so it goes. But I sense you have higher quality standards regarding your interactions with others. And so you should! Why not? Sometimes I prefer the company of animals🐾☮️ Cheers -