What were you doing exactly one year ago today or as near to it as you can remember ? A quick way to make a self assessment. I still have struggles etc. but thinking about last year and what was happening in my life then has shown me how far I've come. I usually criticize myself so giving myself some credit makes a nice change. We talk a lot about this journey we're on and I feel like I meander instead of making a direct route. Progress isn't always evident. It's such a lift ! I have happy days, sometimes happy half days.I feel some direction and control. It is enough to make me want more.
How about you ?
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sweetiepye
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I was on a couch, not speaking really to anyone, would not do any self care even for myself. I was shut down, withdrawn from life completely to point of not leaving house at all. I did not give a crap about much beyond my own helplessness, pain, victimhood...
I’m going out now, leave the house, talking more, trying to communicate, started therapy, I’m participating here, I take showers regularly, enjoy baths, eat food not just what I can grab from box or bag. I go to doctors, grocery store, do laundry, clean house, do for others, think of others sometimes more than myself (work in progress) can see a point to getting up and doing stuff, I see positive stuff in life... I want to be happy and react like I should to stuff.... I do however see a night/day difference in myself. I can see good and bad much clearer living in reality rather then selfish denial.
I love to hear about others being successful. I know how far you have come and how hard it must have been. Good for you, Thank you for responding, glad you joined HU. Pam
One year ago as I always do this time of the year I notice(d) the days are getting longer. And that Spring (my favorite season) is on it’s way. That’s always a feel good for me.
Also at this time a year ago I had a job where my supervisor and I were not meshing. I was her Admin Asst and my goal was to improve processes in the office. And I was. I’m almost sure her jealously of my competence was hard on her own esteem and she was making me miserable. Out of the blue she’d slam the office door shut and be yelling at me for something/anything that made absolutely no sense to me at all. She had me so stressed out that I was bringing my miserability home to Hubby. So I had to make a decision: Resign from the job and take an income loss. Or stay, keep the income yet let her reduce me to rubble. I decided to resign. I kept my resignation letter very professional. It felt absolutely liberating to me. A very big risk and step in my life. I do miss the income, but I got my sanity back. And there’s no price tag for that.
And one year later here I am answering your caring post.
It takes a strong person to do what you did. We can never just deal with depression we always seem to have crap added on by other people. Depression by itself would probably be a snap. lol
Excellent post. I'm glad your journey continues moving forward. I'm glad you have more control. It's so important to gain that back so we can make those positive steps forward and see the light.
I think the biggest thing for me is I've learned more about who I am. I'm still working through so much stuff but I have a sense of myself that I never had before. I feel more " settled". I know what I want and I've reached some level of peace. I am still dealing with a lot but so much better than a year ago. I have better coping skills. I can understand my responses to things. I can evaluate and move forward.
Thank you for giving me the chance to take a moment and reflect.
I'm not sure what or where I was at this day last year...I will say this.. I'm a much happier woman today though...lots of hard, hard work on myself...it's paying off for me...
You keep powering along , you're way too kind to give up....I think I can, I think I can.. I know I can.. I know I can...
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