Hey guys, I'm back...

[magicshoes1998]

I've had trouble in the past with relationships, I can never keep them because I'm always either too overbearing or I fall too hard for the other person. I have such a big heart but all these girls I try talking to sideline me, like I'm not good enough. Anyways, I met this girl, I click with her so well. We went hiking one day and we were chilling for hours just talking, it started raining so we ran back, I was holding hands with her on our way back. We went back to my place so we could dry our clothes off, after that we went out to eat. It was such a fun time, I seem like I'm such an impatient person, I know. But the blank space between the time we talk and how long it takes for her to message me back drives me insane. I've harmed myself by slapping myself, punching myself, because I believe that I'm not good enough for anyone anymore. I don't know what to do, I want to be with this girl but every time I've been in a relationship it's put me in a worse place than where I was before

[AZ1970]

It sounds like you are very anxious about losing her. I think it’s reallu good that you recognize what you are doing. Have you gone to therapy about this? I imagine it traces back a ways. Please don’t hurt yourself. Find things to do when you are in between seeing her. Take it slow.

[magicshoes1998 in reply to AZ1970]

No, I haven't. I feel like I shouldn't have to go to therapy if it's something as simple as a relationship not working out. I've went to go see a qualified psychologist at my school last semester when I thought about suicide almost every other day because I felt as if everyone was phasing me out. But I mean, you're right. I'm very scatterbrained and I know most of the people I associate with won't have the patience to hear what I have to say... I used to date a girl back when I was a Junior in high school, I'm a sophomore in college now, she was everything to me at the time, but I later realized she only wanted me so she could have somebody to hold onto. A whole year and many times after that where we tried being friends again, wasted. I'm still emotionally scarred by it and many other girls I talked to to try and compensate for the heartbreak I experienced with my high school crush. It's not like I'm using anyone, I'm just trying to fill that void that's felt so empty for the past 3 years.

[Hidden in reply to magicshoes1998]

Maybe you should take a break from dating and just be friends? You have so much pain from the past. You need time for these wounds to heal. They are still raw.

[Hidden]

Relationship anxiety is not fun. I know, I struggled with it. It's good to keep yourself preoccupied when you're apart. Maybe journaling or therapy would help as well.

[magicshoes1998 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you anonygrl. I'll look into both of those. I've done journaling to keep from forgetting good memories and therapy in the past but I haven't been doing none of those lately. Thank you for your time

[Jimdubu]

I am sorry you are going through this. Anxiety is beast to wrestle, and you can’t do it alone. Is there a family member you can talk to? Perhaps a sibling or your Church Pastor, or your college counselor. Or You can also talk to your doctor; he might be able to refer you to a good therapist. There are also medications that can help you. As for myself I use medication, lots of Prayer and I found a really good book called “Anxious for Nothing” by a great writer Max Lucado. I’m sure you can find it on Amazon or at Barnes and Noble.

Prayers my friend.

[magicshoes1998 in reply to Jimdubu]

Thank you for your input Jimdubu. I have talked to my college counselor recently, I've been taking note of how my life is going and putting down what I'm grateful for and what I could have done better with certain actions and goals I have fell short from, and I'll definitely look into that book, it sounds interesting. I'm currently working at a GNC and going to school, I've taken several natural as well as general products in the store that have given me better cognitive and muscular function, but I'm spending a ton of money lmao. I'll definitely look into taking medication if I find that my anxiety gets any worse. Thank you for your time friend, I appreciate it

[Jimdubu in reply to magicshoes1998]

I want to share something that stuck with me from his book. First I'll let you know Max is a Christian pastor and writes from a Christian perspective. but he is also very humorous as well. Max uses a lot of real life examples in his story telling like this one.

Max has a friend named Jerry , Jerry's wife has parkinson's, and can't keep her balance and Jerry has to be her primary care taker. Yet he never complains, always smiles and always has a joke. He also relentlessly beats max in golf. Max asked him what his secret was? He said every morning he and his wife always sing a hymn together. He asks her what she wants to sing and she says "Count Your Blessings " so he says they sing it then count their blessings.

Take a moment and follow Jerry and his wife's example and look at your blessings

As you look at your blessings take note of what happens. Anxiety grabs his bags and slips out the back door. worry refuses to share the heart.

This had a profound impact on me, I hope it does you too. Prayers my friend