Can't get that feeling back....

I've been suffering from depression for a few years now. I have always been strong enough to control my emotions in the past, and eventually get myself on track again. This time I'm really battling. I just can't seem to find happiness in anything. I'm always angry, getting upset for the smallest things, and I affect everyone around me negatively. I used to love waking up in the morning and have always been an extremely happy morning person, I can't even smile in the morning anymore, I'm just constantly annoyed. I don't have any reason to be unhappy, I have a good life. I just can't understand why I can't feel happy about it. It's beginning to feel like an extreme effort to smile than something that should just come naturally. I feel like I've really lost myself somewhere along the road and can't find myself again.

[Hidden]

Same..how did you do it the other times?

[lynella]

This is exactly what has happened to me the past few weeks.

[Hidden]

I was always very good at resetting my mind and putting emotional boundaries in place so as not to let things affect me as badly they have been lately. I seem to be really struggling with getting that control of my mindset again. I have been through though, what is to me, very traumatic experiences in the last two years, and I do feel that is playing a big part in me not being able to find that balance and peace again. But I need to. Because of the type of person that I am, it is crucial for me to find that balance in order to be who I need to be. Or I won't feel fulfilled in my life. That is making me even more depressed as well. How do I let go? I don't know how to get my mind right anymore. I'm terrified that I won't.

[Hidden]

In the past, I would always tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself, and allowing things to get me down. I would reprimand myself on being so petty when there are people out there with much bigger problems and difficulties to mine, and that really did help me to reset my mind and way of thinking, and I would be fine, I really would. But this time, I just can't move on. I just can't let go of what I'm feeling, of what's happened.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You can do it because you've done it before..you just need more strength..I can't talk because I feel just like you do now, I wouldn't know where to start..but I'm going to try what you have in the past..especially the others who have it worse..good luck..you will do it.. you have and you will again!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you ellinaki, you are right, and I will do my utmost to get myself back again. Talking to people really does help. I've never done this before and have never been one to talk about how I really feel or what is going on. And I wish I had done something like this a long time ago. Just getting it out is already a step and is helping.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I also bottle things up..most of us do..I just want this to leave us both..I don't know what to do..good luck..

[midnightworker]

You could try watching a dark comedy...

[Hidden]

I do actually watch a lot of comedy and funny series. But once the laugh is over, it's over.

[Hidden]

I'm feeling the same way. It comes and goes in ebbs and flows. I don't know how to get out of it.

[Barnabas17]

Most times I would have considered myself to be very happy and positive. Then, I've had times in my life where I would shut down and rarely talk with others. I can put on my happy face and go to work and appear to everyone that I've got everything under control, but it was a lie and it was exhausting. As time went on, I realized that it was a cycle and I was tired of feeling like a hamster...not really progressing. I was living in isolation more than I was engaging socially. I decided to seek counseling and it was a big step for me because I was not a talker nor did I want to feel embarrassed or judged. It was unbelievably freeing. The weight I was carrying around for (years) came off. I never felt so free to share ALL of myself and ALL of my pain and leave it there. It was a process and there were many tears...and the healing did not come overnight. I was truly amazed how trauma hides deep within the heart and how we can be fooled into believing that we are over something, we've conquered something or we've even forgiven stuff. BUT trained professionals are able to pull out our triggers and cause us to confront them. I HOPE you consider a session or two and get the healing and peace, as well as (life applicable tools) that comes with being free from the burdens in this journey called life. You will be in my prayers.

[Hidden in reply to Barnabas17]

I apologise that I've been off the radar for a while. I'll admit things got a lot worse for me and have backfired on me. I appreciate this advice and have decided to pursue help. I have come to realise that I can't do it on my own any longer, and you aren't the first person who has given me this advice, so I definitely think it's time.

[Hidden]

So I only skimmed the replies but I noticed that you said you’d reprimand yourself for how you feel in addition to the rest of the post. I used to do something similar and I can tell you that for me personally it would only ever work for an amount set amount of time.

Sometimes I wonder how much worse I made my depression doing so. I held such an ugly view of myself and suicide that instead I would go through life wishing I was dead and hating myself. The longer it went on the more I hated myself and the more I wanted to die.

I think it’s important to remember that it’s ok to feel things. You’re allowed to experience emotions. Those emotions are allowed to be positive or negative. If you tell yourself you’re being petty, weak, useless or any other adjective you can think of because you’re suffering from depression then you run the risk of making it worse in the long run.

Again this is just my experience but for me, my new approach seems to work much better at battling depression even though it is much harder. When I feel myself losing the battle to keep my head above water I remind myself of a couple things. First that this is only temporary and it’s ok to feel down from time to time. Everyone has bad days. Then I think of something that makes me proud or happy. Something that makes me feel like I’m doing something right in my life or gives me that hope that things will be better.

Whether this helps you or not I hope you find something that does. 🙂

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for this advice, I am going to implement it and do my best to not be so hard on myself, and to remember that I am only human, and can't always be in control. To accept the bad days and make the best of the good.