Secrets

[DPMom]

i have been in therapy for over 20 years - last 10 yrs with same therapist. I have had so many different diagnosis from hospitals and doctors - I don’t know who I really am! The other night I finally told my therapist my deepest, darkest secret that I expected to go to my death bed with unshared. I have been panicking all night - wrote letters and emails to therapist trying to explain how I am panicking and very disorganized. She removed some sharp objects from my backpack at the end of therapy because she was worried. I asked for extra therapy session and many questions in emails. I have not heard back from her - tonight I cancelled my next two sessions because I can’t face her. Maybe that is why I finally told her after 10 years to make me not be able to go back? I feel so rejected and abandoned right now I am praying for. disaster/accident to happen to me so I won’t have to face this issue again. Any ideas on how to move forward - I stopped eating and trying to do calming things but overthinking. Sorry lots of built up trauma - medically and mentally!

[Dolphin14]

DPMom

Letting go of your deepest secret is extremely difficult. I imagine you are feeling so many emotions right now.

Are you safe? I'm concerned. Maybe you need to go to the ER for help?

🐬

[DPMom in reply to Dolphin14]

You aren’t my therapist in disguise?? I am safe - but extremely hurt because they have not reached back out to me knowing what state I am and how much it meant to share. I am mad, sad but mostly confused at who I am, who I have been and what the future holds. I made a great sensory box today with a journal I am excited to start writing in. Going for a walk in the woods to find a quiet place to write down my thoughts. I am safe thank you

[Dolphin14 in reply to DPMom]

No, not your therapist but someone who has been where you have been.

I love what you are doing today. You have done so many wonderful things.

The woods are beautiful. I just went to the beach. I hope you find some peace in the woods

I'm glad you are safe

[Rufus07 in reply to DPMom]

Enjoy your walk in the woods! It sounds lovely!