I couldn’t do it!

[Rufus07]

I couldn’t get myself together to go on the outing with my partner and his boss and wife. I feel like a loser and a piece of you know what. I’m such a failure! I can’t stop crying. I knew this would happen. I tried to tell myself it would be ok, but the anxiety got the best of me. He said a couple of our friends are going so I don’t feel as bad as I did about him going alone. He didn’t care if he went alone. He’s a social butterfly and can get along with anyone. Chalk up another lose for me! Thank you all for the encouragement and advice to try to get me to go.

[Arymretep]

You’re no way a loser, and your husband understands by the sounds of it, and doesn’t mind going on his own, put it down to experience , maybe next time 👍

[Rufus07 in reply to Arymretep]

Thank you

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

You are not a loser and you have a very understanding partner. Which is great usually we get a lot that don't and berate their S.O because of their anxiety.

Anxiety gets the best of us sometimes. It happens. We win some and we lose some. But we live to fight another day.

May I recommend a book to you called Dare by Barry McDonagh? It has helped me with anxiety. There's also YouTube videos of his and an app if you prefer listening and or watching.

You'll get there. Beating yourself up won't help you. I know from experience. Gotta allow yourself some grace.

Sending you love and hugs 🫂❤️

[Rufus07 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thank you for the recommendation and your love and hugs

[Franklin68]

Rufus

Maybe try to look at it this way. Say a person has a physical disability that wouldnt allow them to take part in an activity.

What they have is very real and the results from it can be tough, but it is the truth.

What you have is also very much real. You’re working on it. Your battling, but your disability also didnt allow you to participate.

Just because it’s a mental health issue, doesn’t make your struggle any different from those with physical ones.

Struggles are struggles. Your unhappiness with yourself does also mean one thing to me.

That you will continue to fight until the answer is “ Yes I’ m going!”

It’s out there. Keep searching

Meanwhile, please remember you are no different than anyone with any type of challenge.

It just happens to be a mental one

[Rufus07 in reply to Franklin68]

thank you. This meant so much to me. If only others thought this way to.

[Franklin68 in reply to Rufus07]

You’re very welcome. Yea ,I hear you about others, but for now it’s you that matters. Get as healthy as you can be.

Great luck!

[Rufus07 in reply to Franklin68]

I just wish I knew how to do that. I’ve never felt like I mattered. I’m in a bad place right now…deep down in the pitch black spinning rabbit hole. Sorry to complain…I always feel like I’m complaining. I feel like no one wants to deal with me anymore. They think I sound like a broken record. They don’t experience it so they don’t understand. I’m trying to learn how to keep everything inside. I know this isn’t good, but I feel like this is the only way. I am thankful that I have all of you on this site.

[Franklin68 in reply to Rufus07]

Your never ever a broken record. You’re sick, desperately trying to dig your way out of your abyss., Right?

I was absolutely clueless about my depression and then 10 years later anxiety. I just couldn’t pinpoint things.

So what does one do? Reach out to others, Right?

I’m curious. Have you asked for help from family and friends to help find solutions to your illness?

[Rufus07 in reply to Franklin68]

I have my mom who understands cause she’s dealt with it forever too, but we don’t talk that often. I also have a friend who says she’s always there to listen, but I just feel like shes tired of hearing about it too. She always seems to change the subject. Ive tried talk therapy for at least 30 years with different doctors but it never worked for me.

[Franklin68 in reply to Rufus07]

Well your situation sounds familiar to mine. Some 25 years ago when I first was struck with anxiety, I like many people couldnt process and diagnosis what was wrong with me. Went to one Physcatrist after massive anxiety struck with minimal help , but my wife and I didn’t really put things together to get another opinion. I feel pretty dumb about that but have forgiven myself. I continued to suffer and then reached out to family and friends to sit down and problem solve and nobody would. Fear I guess or…

I’m bipolar, so there was also other smytons , such as manic episodes to be aware of and properly react to, to help keep me balanced.

They just couldn’t see the need. A couple episodes cost me good money. I can’t do this business. Wrong!

I don’t know about you , but my experience is I’m much better at seeing what someone e else might need ,versus seeing mine.

I flailed around at possible ideas for relief, but nothing got better and in fact my insatiable desire to be a strong family and team ,including friends, made things worse when not a sole tried/cared to helped.

I too went to different doctors and therapists for 25 years , to no avail.

I guess what I’m talking about here, is what I tried to do with them. Think of me. Think of us as your problem solving group.

You can’t over complain here. No way. We totally get it.

I firmly believe that for many of us, maybe most , that there is an answer that we just haven’t t found yet. The right mixture of solutions. There are so many possibilities.

It took a minute but I’m pretty much symptom free. Certainly received no help from my support group and I didn’t join a support group like here or any really until after feeling better. Another not so smart move. For me I needed the insight of others that cared. That supposedly loved me.

Please consider us as that type of family

I think , what with all our knowledge, that if we sit down and carefully explain where we have been/gone with possible solutions, that there is a good chance that some caring soul or souls here will have an idea to possibly try.

Yes, trying new things can be scary and possibly frustrating, but the hole you described sounds worth the try to jump out if.

We are listening

And caring

[Franklin68 in reply to Franklin68]

My manus episode was actually. I CAN do this biz I know nothing about. Grandiose!

I was wrong. They needed to try to stop me or call my doctor if I could by hear them.

That sure would have helped. When engaging those willing to listen, especially if ongoing listeners. Try to be specific on opinions of what to try, not what is still going on negatively.

We are here for that

[Rufus07 in reply to Franklin68]

I’m bipolar 2 so I don’t really get the crazy manic episodes. But let me tell you, my lows are beyond low!

[Franklin68 in reply to Rufus07]

Shouldn’t be. Turns out I was t getting enough dosage wise

Keep searching

[Rufus07 in reply to Franklin68]

Thank you so much for your reply!

[CatsandCheese in reply to Rufus07]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Arymretep in reply to Franklin68]

Great post, and so true, I have fibromyalgia which is a hidden disability , and all the anxiety that comes with it so I know exactly what you mean👍X

[CatsandCheese]

Don't beat yourself up. Maybe next time. You are not a failure if you keep trying. ❤️❤️