How to navigate a tough topic

[Maple79]

just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience or advice they can share on this….I have struggled with major depression for many years but a few months ago had a serious suicide attempt and almost died. Still struggling to function, still not back to work etc but one thing I just cannot process is that the people I thought loved me really either don’t want or don’t know how to deal with what happened so instead they have almost all disappeared! As a nurse I am shocked that people respond this way and am so sad about this stigma of suicide. Not sure if anyone gets this but now is the time I need people most and feel more alone than ever. So disappointed, alone and sad and wishing I had succeeded and was not here. Are people this terrible or is it me or just suicide in general?

[Amiwrong]

hi Maple79. I am so sorry you are going through all this. I am sure others may have better advice than I, but I wanted to reply because I wanted to tell you that I almost didn’t reply. Even though I am sensitive and also suffer, I almost avoided this post. My mind was wondering what the right thing to say was, what I would ask, or share. I thought, other people will reply and help more than I can. I can assume that this would have been even harder for me if it was real life. I would assume that you would be getting support, or wouldn’t want to hear from me, or I’d say the wrong thing. Some people’s discomfort with the subject may encourage their minds to make up these reasons to avoid dealing with it.

I really think it’s not you, it’s not them being heartless, it’s the lack of understanding. Perhaps you feel you shouldn’t but maybe you can reach out to them. I hope you start to feel better very soon.

[Maple79 in reply to Amiwrong]

Thank you so much for responding your words meant a lot to me. Really hoping to get some support here that I am not getting in my life and that was really honest so thank you. I have tried to reach out to some of my friends and family but I either don’t get a response back or it’s clear I’m someone that they don’t feel comfortable engaging with any longer.

I can only hope that I eventually get through this and it will make me a better nurse and human and not to avoid and ignore people in pain just because it is uncomfortable. I now know how much worse it makes it for people and how it could push them further down a dark path.

Thanks again for responding 🩷

[Amiwrong in reply to Maple79]

I loved your response! If you can take the darkness and turn it into light, that would be the best thing to happen to anyone. Gain strength from the disappointment, and talk and teach and listen. It could be a gift you now have to give to others. Let go of those who are not giving you strength and get it instead from strangers, from all those people who are waiting to cross your path. You got this! You will climb out, may slip now and then, but just as long as you stay on course 🤗

[Hidden]

I originally posted and re-read it and realized I could be misinterpreted- like I was almost trying to rationalize or say that it was okay for people to not be supportive— not my intention.

So this is my story:

two years ago, a very similar thing happened to me— my almost successful suicide attempt was proceeded by 4 months of manic psychosis— and afterward I felt I had no support, at all, almost like people actively avoided me.

🌟What it took me 2 years (and a lots of therapy) to learn/realize:

1. People had NO idea what to do because most people have very little exposure to let alone knowledge regarding suicide

2. People blamed themselves for not doing anything/more bc no one ever thinks suicide is something that will happen to people in their lives

3. They were traumatized just like I was- except in a different way. Talking about it for them meant reliving it and/or being reminded that they almost lost you. (This I think was the biggest one that I recognized in people around me)

It’s easy to say but hard to believe. Sometimes I still think it’s excuses— but the only way I could move forward with some relationships was to accept those things.

I actually had a conversation about it with my younger brother about a year later- I had to start it and he actually told me he loved me and he was sorry and he didn’t know what to do and he was scared. He said that he never talked about it afterwards bc he assumed I wouldn’t want to.

I hope that’s more helpful- but I feel you- it sucks- the stigma surrounding it is awful and we as a society should all be able to talk about and not have this undercurrent of shame directed towards people who are already struggling.

I’m sorry if any of this came off more “clinical interpretation” than “yeah I had that happen to me too and it was f*cked up”.

But you aren’t alone… there’s tons of support here— and if you ever want to talk about it I’m here- and as someone who’s has gone/is still dealing with that, not my default clinician so I get to look at it from an intellectual place not a reality place

💛

[DontJudge]

Sorry to hear what you're going through. We are here for you so just let it all out and we'll listen to you, try to be there with you as much as possible ❤️

[fauxartist]

I liked Amiwrong's. second paragraph very much...it makes good sense. People don't know what to say.

I'm very sorry your going through this despair. But sadly, there are many here in the same state of mind....and how we individually get past it is no easy answer, we are in pain. I know you are writing because you want to find some understanding....and your not alone.... and I can only speak for myself.... my depression lies to me....my triggers make me believe I'm worthless and don't deserve to live....but I know deep down inside...there is a spark of life..... finding it is very hard sometimes. I did a lot of therapy, and learned a lot to understand why this happens... but sadly there is no one size fits all cure for this.... sometimes I just start circling the abyss and start going down the rabbit hole. But knowing it's chemical....and it's a disease.... there doesn't have to be a reason why, I'm just sad and feel hopeless.... that's when I start grasping for ways out....knowing this is going to pass is the one major thing that keeps me going during those dark moments. I really hope your find that .... hold on....keep talking, I think it helps a lot, and it's cathartic.

[Amysmom]

People are afraid of things like this, They don't know what to say or how to act because they are afraid anything they say or do will set you off if that makes any sense. So they distance themselves when in reality this is the time you need their support . I am sorry your not getting the support you need with the people you are around. But all of us here will listen anytime you need to vent.

[designguy]

I agree with so_it_goes, from personal experience unfortunately. Years ago my brother committed suicide and it was the hardest, most frustrating and heart breaking thing i've ever experienced. He had told me he was thinking about it because he was getting divorced and i was totally shocked and didn't really know what to say other than i sure hoped he wouldn't. He promised he wouldn't and started going to therapy but we found out later that he was going in the door but out the back door. I had no idea how to respond, I had been advised to not push too much because it might provoke him into doing it. At the time we couldn't even have him locked up for any length of time unless he physically hurt himself or someone else. At that time also, I had never been to therapy so I had no real understanding of depression/anxiety and how to deal with it and I was also running a business at the time dealing with it.

The subject of suicide is one that most people don't want to think about or talk about out of fear for the person and fear for themselves and most people don't know how to respond unless they have personal experience. It's still a tabo subject in out society and is even demonized by religion which adds to the fear of it.

I'm sorry you have gone through what you have, you might check out your local NAMI chapter and see if they have any support groups, I know they even have groups around suicide, I went to one for a while after my brothers passing.