Therapist told me I’m not suicidal and heavy drinking is part our countries culture. Is that a normal strategy?

[Jvane18]

Hi guys,

I recently started therapy after visiting a psychiatrist. I tried out a few and thought this one would fit with me, but now I’m not sure if therapy is supposed to work like this or if they are not good for me.

They asked me if I abuse substances and I told them I don’t smoke or do drugs but abused alcohol when I was sad and once drank a bottle of vodka alone when I had suicidal thought and they told me if it only happened once it’s fine and drinking in our countries culture is super common anyways.

In about my suicidal thoughts they said I don’t actually want to kill myself I just want to escape.. I’m sure there is some truth to it, but I self-harm really bad sometimes in order to not give in to my thoughts and attempt suicide and I feel like if he is just kinda dismissed my angsts.

It has only been my 4th session, but he opens sensitive topics and just goes like ups “times up” and just leaves me in the middle with an open wound and doesnt give any pointers or calls to action what I can work on or anything. He is just like “see you next week”

Is that how therapy works??? Because it makes me kinda feel worse than before..

[Blueruth]

There aren't a ton of rules so I have no idea if this is appropriate but if you don't feel like it is helping then you have the wrong therapist. That isn't to say you should go away feeling good after each session but you should feel like you are doing work. Any new therapist i have been to asks a series of question regarding what I am comfortable with. I want them to be straight with me... call me out because i can lie to myself and I am good at it! They also tell me what their philosophy and strategy is. Do they ask a lot of questions or expect you to drive it? Online you can find guides to help you assess a therapist.

On drinking... i don't care how much they drink in your country. Does it bother you? I was drinking a bottle of wine about once a week which nobody questions. I reduced that drastically and now I realize that wasn't good for me. It sounds like you are using it like a drug so maybe that is what he meant but I don't like how he seems to contradict what you are saying.

[Jvane18 in reply to Blueruth]

Oh no I have never been asked about what I’m comfortable with 😄 and he always just says just talk what on your mind and there are 2 main things on mind always and I told him and he said “what else?” and I said nothing and he told me, but we already talked about this today (10min) so there must be more on your mind otherwise you don’t have any psychological issues. Like I dont know I was so confused bc I wanted to know how I can work on those two topics and he just dismissed them and those were the reasons I wanted to go to therapy. So 😶

[Blueruth in reply to Jvane18]

Definitely move on! You might even write a complaint to the board. That seems wrong

[Dolphin14]

A good therapist allows time at the end of a session to close with a few questions about how you are feeling and gives you some ideas on strategy to get through. They should not just say time is up and throw you out the door.

I'm appalled at the response about the alcohol! In my eyes that's not a professional response at all.

I would move on. Just my opinion.

🐬

[Isinatra in reply to Dolphin14]

I was a little taken aback by the comment about alcohol, too. To be so casual about it……unbelievable. It sounds like the therapist is just putting his time in.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Isinatra]

Seriously. This is disturbing to me, giving the green light for alcohol is way off balance.

What happened to " just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right"

Wonder what the therapist is doing off the clock??

❤️🐬

[Isinatra in reply to Dolphin14]

There are 90,000 alcohol related deaths per year just in the US. 250 approximate deaths per day from alcohol poisoning. The therapist obviously isn’t doing his homework. I guess he thinks opioids are ok, too, because so many people take them.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Isinatra]

Unbelievable stuff, I can't wrap my head around this at all

🐬

[fauxartist in reply to Isinatra]

Exactly...

[fauxartist in reply to Dolphin14]

Spot on...

[Jvane18 in reply to Dolphin14]

Omg thank you! I was honestly SO CONFUSED why he would end sessions and never ask questions on how I’m feeling or any strategies to help me work on this! I thought maybe the way he did it was the norm, but thanks to you guys I know better now.

I will look for a new one thank you!

[Dolphin14 in reply to Jvane18]

Wish you the best in your search. You got some great advice. I'm so glad you will look for someone else. You deserve the best

❤️🐬

[fauxartist]

I can only speak for myself...but if my therapist told me what yours did, I'd say they probably are in denial about their own issues with drinking, because I cannot drink, ...period. And if your thinking suicidal thoughts off and on still...that is a problem that isn't uncommon if your dealing with depression or suicidal ideation. It sounds to me like your in pain, and really need a therapist who is going to work with you on dealing with your stuff, not dismissing it, and saying it's a cultural thing. Where I live, pub life can be a family event... but that doesn't mean that is an okay thing... alcoholism is a huge issue here... and while some can drink socially with no problem...if your dealing with alcoholism... you cannot drink...ever. And alcohol is a depressant and makes existing depression worse. Often, many self-medicate trying to get out of pain by getting drunk...but it actually makes it worse.

I'd get a therapist who will be more helpful and on point.

[Dolphin14 in reply to fauxartist]

You said it my friend

❤️🐬

[Jvane18 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for your insightful answer! Yea it’s also socially accepted to drink, but before I got depressed I never drinked as I also never smoked or took drugs so yea I just kinda felt like you said dismissed.

I thought maybe I was in the wrong for wanting to not just talk about it but work on it with guidance, but yes seems like he might be not write 😅 I will keep looking for another one thanks

[fauxartist in reply to Jvane18]

I'm glad you have a safe place with others who have been down similar roads to bounce this stuff off of.... many times my friends here have lifted me from some pretty dark days, and also to share in the good stuff in my life. I hope you find the same.

[Hidden]

I don't think that's ok of them to say. Very unprofessional. I don't think they are very with it. Not appropriate. You may want to report them to the licensing department or their superior if you feel inclined. Ugh. I'm sorry. The therapist seems exceptionally mentally unwell and toxic. I'm worried for their well-being but they need to seek help professionally not hurt vulnerable people. That is not ok. Thanks

[Jvane18 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your answer. 💙 Yes I will switch! I think he also has too many clients he sees people from mo-fr 9-19 with 1 hour break as I realized so like 9 hours/9clients per day x5 and is fully booked so I think this is generally not a good setting.. 🙈

[Against_the_current]

Sounds so east europen. Sadly here everyone is drinking all the time and therapists leave it for the next session and people gaslight and invalidate. Mine does same - i can litterary be screaming i'm agonizing since months and going to kill myself and she will be either silent, asking me weird questions that make me more wounded or the session would be overtime. I can be "i'm not okay, i'm going insane, i suffer 25/8, i can't function" and she would leave it as it is. And that's even not the worst therapist i've ever had. 2 even told me to call a crisis line and leave them alone cause they're busy, one told my abusive father he's right, one told my parents to continue arguing at home, one told me to go to the psychiatrist while the psychiatrist send me. And i think that's why people here don't trust getting help but invalidate, gaslight and drink it out. My mom's drinking all the time. I escaped home and my new roommates are drinking every evening too. I go to the supermarket and people are buying alcholol since the morning. I tried too but i think it was really cultural pressure. And i felt more depressed so i desided i won't drink because it makes me feel worse or at least not much. It's really hard when you're struggling yourself and you have to deal with society problems. Unfortunately other cultures have issues too. Cultures that don't allow drinking at all also suffer. But hey being sick in a sick world is normal not abnormal. Those who adapt honestly scare me. Fortunatelly i think it's getting better. The new generation, well part of it, is actually promising. I'm myself a psychology student with interested in anthropology too and i can feel it.

[misslillie]

Wouldn't work for me. I have had therapy at every opportunity when I can afford it. But not so much lately. You don't like this therapist try another one. Or tell the therapist what bothers you about his approach. He might try something different. Can't hurt to ask.

[Jvane18 in reply to misslillie]

Very true thank you!