Just having a tough time

[Christiine]

Hello, I am new and have a hard time expressing my feelings to others so I am hoping I am doing this right. I’ve suffered with depression most of my life, and it usually helps to just get what I’m feeling off my chest, so I’m hoping this helps.

I am having a hard time getting out of bed and motivating myself to do anything. I find myself over the last couple days “faking it” when it comes to my smiling and attention in conversations. Though I have been seeing my friends ( social distancing of course) I feel incredibly lonely right now and it’s almost crushing. I know I’m not alone and I have people that love me. Though every morning it’s a crushing feeling of being alone and all I want to do is lay in bed, and though I feel lonely I have a hard time convincing myself to see my friends or family.

Has anyone else struggled with this feeling? I feel like it’s completely conflicting for my to feel alone but yet not be alone or not want to see anyone.

Thanks

Ps writing this has helped a bit

[Ladybug9]

When I'm really depressed I tend to isolate. By the way, welcome!! You are in a great and safe place to share!!

[Ladybug9 in reply to Ladybug9]

P.S. Writing is great therapy by the way!! I do it all the time!

[Christiine in reply to Ladybug9]

Yes! I’ve written in journals a lot but I wanted to try this group because writing in the journal just started to feel empty. I am hoping writing on here will help since I can get interactions from others.

[Ladybug9 in reply to Christiine]

I would suggest doing both! I spend a great deal of time looking up quotes to share with people as they are going to be part of my book when I find the energy to start writing it. There is also an online place to journal too.

[Marshall64]

You have described classic depression. I don't want to be around anyone but then am sad that no one is calling or texting. I don't want to go out but don't want to stay in either.

It is extremely hard to get moving but once I do I feel better. I don't like cleaning house but once I start doing that I feel better. Sometimes I just go out to a convenience store just to get out and talk to someone. Sometimes I don't feel like taking a shower or shaving but once I do that I feel better.

Another thing that helped me was a depression support group. We are doing it through Zoom right now. Made a few friends from there.

[Christiine in reply to Marshall64]

Thanks so much for the advice. I definitely relate to struggling to start a task but once I get going I can do it no problem. I also feel better when the tasks are done.

Also trying to get out of the house might help too, even just to the convenience store so I will try that too. It’s been hard with all the COVID and being stuck in the apartment

[Hidden]

I bet a lot of us on here relate to what you're saying. I don't even have a job, it's like what is my purpose in life???? Ehhhhh. I'm seeing this employment specialist right now, but I really don't have much faith this guy is going to help me get anywhere!!! Things are just tough all over now. It does help to get out of the house or apartment and do something every day!!!

[purplestar21]

you're definitely not alone on this. weird how we all collectively betray ourselves and isolate further when sometimes it's what makes things worse, and sometimes better. it sucks. hang in there

[cbgrace1980]

You are not alone! Depression can be isolating but you did a good thing by sharing your feelings here. Feel free to do so anytime! We are here for you!