I just talked with my parents. I told them again about what we study and how it is not what I need. They told me "You don't know how it is in other universities, we can't do anything about it, it's always you complaining, you wanted to go in this university". Well, I actually didn't. They told me that I will be studying abroad or nowhere, so I got no choice. Here only theater schools offer a real theater teaching, but I have a little accent and I can't go there.
My parents wanted me to study abroad because I will get an European diploma and will be able to work worldwide. But after I told them how things are in this country, they agreed to me that I will feel better working in my native country. The idea of theater between the two countries is very different.
In my country there is one academy and one payed school. The academy is very hard to enter. The paying school is easy - you pay, you enter. But my parents don't want to pay for another school. They don't want me to come back to my country. They told me that I have to spend the next 3 years here no matter what.
I have nowhere to go. It seems like everything I can do is making me feel bad. I don't want to stay here, but what will I even do if I return?
I am constantly slapping myself so I stop crying and I act like a grown up and s"top complaining, cause there's nothing we can do about it". But I no longer have motivation to go to lectures, not even the parties that are comming. I feel like I will be happy if I don't pass my exams. I don't know what to do. I want to disappear. To stop existing.
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sad_watermelon
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Hi sad_watermelon, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. My years 0f 18-25ish were the worst... Trying to get through university and find a job.
Are there mental health resources there? If pursuing this is going to make you miserable is it worth it? Could you work somewhere and save up money for a school you really want? Could you get some sort of degree where you are to get a good job for a few years to pay for a school you really want? I know that hopeless feeling, and I think it is the worst feeling a human can have. If you have no desire to do anything, I think something has to change. When I finally accepted I could drop out of school it was freeing, but I wish I would have had a plan. I went to a tech school and got an okay job and am now back to working on a degree online. There is no reason you have to do school now... I think talking to someone about ALL options could be freeing. I feel like some options give me relief and feel right, vs trying to trudge on through misery wishing it would all end. Again, I am so sorry you are suffering and you are not alone.☮️
First, I don't want to discourage you, but acting is a very tough career and many people don't succeed. Make sure this is what you rally want to do and that you are prepared to work very hard and struggle quite a lot to succeed. Second, I don't think you have been at your new school long enough to for a true opinion. It takes quite awhile to settle into a new school plus a new country. Homesickness is normal. Making friends takes time - more time than you think. Just give it some more time and try to contact therapy through the school.
You poor thing - I can imagine how it must feel in a strange country with life not working out as you'd hoped. It sounds as though you have to stay there for three years, so do you think you can try and make the most of it? Regarding the theatre studies, after you have done these three years you can go on to somewhere more helpful. Try to use this experience to use in your future acting career. Lastly, are there any drama groups anywhere near you? If not, see if you can start one. Best of luck! xxx
Hi. Again I saw this thread yesterday, but haven't known how to respond. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Give it some time more, okay? As I've mentioned before, the first year of university is always extremely tough (and that goes double for those who have moved away from family to be there). I guarantee that there are people like you/in similar situations; you just haven't found them yet. It's been about a month, right? Although it might not seem like it, in reality that's an extremely short amount of time.
I remember you saying that there's a waiting list to talk to a counsellor. Can you put your name on the list? I find that things go a bit better if I have something to look forward to.
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