Help! University panic and my sister wants to study abroad

[Against_the_current]

Today the broker woke me up. Went to university to apply for master's degree and then straight to him. The appartment was already taken. He showed me other places. I was about to vomit. Been having panic till now. Yesterday i wrote in my Facebook that idk what to do. If i stay and study here, it's what i want and it's easy but it's one year and i get anxious without home, if i study logopedics at home, i can gind a better job but nowhere to run if mom pisses me off. Grandparents want me to do both which is my idea but I posted it then. And i mentioned my sister wants to study abroad. Mom just said we will go with her but i doubt it and we can't adapt. My sister wants to study abroad and what about me? Staying alone or with mom? Damned astrologist said that i should get a boyfriend which ran through my mind but i can't keep a partner. The only person who kissed me, jumped off the 6th floor, the guy i was talking to just randomly said he thinks about his ex. So that's not an option.

I HAD JUST CALMED AND SHE DROVE ME CRAZY! So please if anything you say can trigger me, don't

[CLB1125]

You need to slow down and take a breath! I’m sorry if this triggers you but, what I’m reading is what everyone else wants. For themselves and for you. What do YOU want? It’s no wonder you are so upset. I’ll tell you like I told my daughter: be able to take care of yourself. Your parents can only help you so long, and don’t ever depend on a significant other to take care of you. They can disappear in a heartbeat. The only one we can truly depend on to do what is right for us is ourselves. I’m not trying to be mean or to trigger you in any way. I’m trying to be an honest friend. You have the opportunity to be whatever you want to be. Grab the ring and run girl!!

[Against_the_current in reply to CLB1125]

I actually needed to hear this. And i really need to slow down

[Oreopepper in reply to CLB1125]

You have just said everything I thought, you can only totally rely on yourself to do the best for you.

[SoporRose]

As usual, CLB1125 found the right thing to say.

All I know is to tell you again that I have faith in you and you capabilities. You have so many gifts (intelligence, creativity, humour, a drive to succeed) that can enable you to make a life for yourself. You'll get there!

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I will make a living but i will be alone

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Perhaps you will. There are no guarantees. Any of us can end up alone. But it is much more likely that you will draw people to you when you have a job you enjoy and a decent place of your own to live, are away from your family and all their behaviours that upset you, and have room to breathe and re-invent yourself, time to rest and to rediscover ways to connect with others. And I believe you can do all this. You're not afraid of hard work; that's how you graduated with so much praise (best essay!). You can do this!