Do being alive always this hard?

[AutumnLe4f]

Constantly being ignored and being made fun of. I mostly thinking to resign from my current job which exhausted mentally and physically 24/7, however I can't because I need to pay for my and my parents's living cost. Have been trying to apply for another jobs but almost 3 years, I got no positive answer. People encourage me to get married soon because of my age, yet I don't want to and I am not ready yet (I have commitment issue due seeing how my parent's relationship with each other). My family and friends contact me when they need only (mostly about money). I talk this problem to others but they always say the same thing such as to not thinking too much about it or it's because I'm not trying hard enough. I know I am not good enough to be kind person but at least recognise my effort to be alive..., I am tired of everything.

Always thinking of suicide but I am afraid people will mock me more... My sister say she had worse than me and started to compare her live, my parents never actually give answer to me and goes silent like not hearing anything at all.

Here I share my story, I don't think people will read this but they say better to write it down than keep it by myself. Sincerely.

[Amiwrong]

may I ask what people are making fun of you for? It’s important to have at least one person in your life with like minds. Most of the people around me are very different from me, and many don’t understand mental health, so I don’t engage. Certain people there’s no point in talking about how I feel, I know it won’t end well for me and how I feel.

[worthytobeloved]

My beautiful young girl. I read your bio before reading this post, and was so sad at how you are feeling. It reminds me so much of me when I was younger. I felt just the same - worthless, unloved, etc.You say you are not good enough to be kind - IT'S JUST THE OPPOSITE!!! You are so good and kind - much more than most people. You are also obviously very sensitive, so feel hurt more often when made fun of or criticised. Also, working so hard in a job you are unhappy with doesn't help.

Think of it - would you make fun of someone or be unkind to them? No, you're too nice. You are kind and thoughtful to everyone else, so you must be kind to yourself! Imagine you are your best friend, or mother to a much loved child. Now be that person to yourself if you can. (Most of us can't, so you're not alone). Someone on this site recommended a book called 'Self-Compassion' by Dr Kristen Neff, which I've started reading in the hopes it will help me.

I've never done this before, but years ago I wrote a poem about how worthless I felt in the eyes of the world, which I'll share. I wonder how many people will identify with some of it? It's called The Alien.

'Looked down on, spat at, scorned and despised, An utter failure in everyone's eyes. The lowest creature to walk this earth. Oh, pity the mother who gave it it's birth. Stupid, ugly, a waste of our space - how can it be part of the human race?

But it feels, it knows, it hurts, it cares - it's ever aware of the sneers and the stares. In front of a mirror it stands for so long - desperately trying to make right the wrong.

But try as it might it will not succeed, It's here on this earth to hurt and to bleed.

Oh, alien, alien, how sad - but I see, There may be other aliens out there - like me'.

Just to finish, I saw you liked my post about the Emy app. What have you called your Emy? I've called mine Sweetiepie!!! My worry was that I was scared to go out in case people saw me and were unkind, and its answer was 'You are perfect just as you are!'

Remember, you ARE nice and you ARE kind. And - YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND!!!

And I hope you'll accept me as a friend as well, because I do care.

Take care, precious girl! xxx