What should I do?

[sad_watermelon]

I still want answers. I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I text him and ask him for explanation? Everybody says no, but I deserve a closure, don’t I? He lied that he wants to be friends and then blocked me the second I left the country… I have dreams about him every night, in one of them something terrible had happened in his life and I have so many experiences of my dreams coming true, I am worried and I want him to be ok. What should I do?

[Alpakka123]

MyLooking at this from the outside I can say that yes, you do deserve closure but that it gets hazy from there. One of the things my husband told me yesterday helped a lot. He said that my abuser wants me back (long and complicated story as to why that felt good to hear), but only so that she can abuse me again (while sad to hear, this was an "aha" moment for me). He gave me a hypothetical. He said that, if I go back to her, she will pick up where she left off (she'll feel fine, while I'll be at my lowest).

Any relationship is a two-way street. Both parties need to have their needs met (physical, mental, and emotional) and be comfortable in order for it to work.

I can't tell you what to do, but I do want you to think things through. Will it create anxiety in you if he doesn't respond? Will it make you feel like crap if he doesn't respond? If he does respond and wants you back, will things change for the better? Will he treat you the way you deserve to be treated? Will you be happy?

[sad_watermelon in reply to Alpakka123]

I actually think it will make me feel like crap if he doesn’t responds and even if he does I don’t think the answer will be satisfying to me as he never could give me explanation for what he did. But I guess my problem is the fact that I’m feeling pretty lonely right now and I figured out I have no really big chances of making contacts with people here (long story) so I guess my mind is going back to what is familiar and as he was such a big comfort to me a lot of times it goes back there because, it was fine and it wants to be fine again…

[Alpakka123 in reply to sad_watermelon]

Awesome answers! Well done! I understand this very much. I am sorry you got hurt. You did not deserve it. You are a good person. You did nothing to deserve the way he treated you. Unfortunately, until your brain decides that it's satisfied with this not making sense, it will be hard.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi sad_watermelon. I am sorry that you are still going through this. I think I responded before, once you have a close relationship everything is compared to this or that closeness is longed for again. It is understandable that you want that and need that, you are a human. This longing shows that you care, and that is a beautiful thing. I think you already have the closure you are going to get: "He lied that he wants to be friends and then blocked me the second I left the country"

You can't even really reach this person now right? I think you look back on this relationship as a first for many things and learn all the lessons you can from it. My first relationship was a heck of a thing, and when it ended it was because I was leaving on a religious mission. I only had that one relationship and her to think about for two years, as I hadn't had any others. I am glad that I had it, I am also very glad I did not end up with her. I think there is a strength that comes from having gotten to know several people closely and you can learn what you want. I remember you stopped seeing a guy that was moving too fast, and I think you are learning great lessons. I think only time and other people fill the hole and heal the wound... Sorry for the ramble☮️

[Alpakka123 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Great and helpful response for me as well!

[b1b1b1]

Don't text him. You are just prolonging the pain for yourself by trying to somehow continue the relationship. Spend your time and effort in moving on, making new friends and engaging in new activities. Being in a new place at a distance from your former location, you are in the ideal spot to make moving on possible. I understand it is painful and it will take time, but slowly and surely you will become involved with new people and activities.

[CLB1125]

Hi I agree with the others. Familiar is comfortable and safe. But you have to remember why you and him separated in the first place. You wanted different things in life. We have a tendency to just remember the good parts of past relationships. He has moved on. And blocking you was a not so subtle hint not to bother him. You will never get a truthful explanation from him. It’s time to accept that fact and move on with your life too. You will make friends, give it time. You haven’t been there very long. You are young, enjoy yourself!!! When you get to be my age you will wish you had!!