Feel like a failure

[Skiblue]

I am a single mum and I think I try to make up for the broken family my daughter is in by doing as much as I can with her, she does every club, she has travelled well but this weekend I forgot it was her gymnastics competition and she didn’t get to take part, it may not seem like a big deal but this has hit me hard. I feel like I have failed her and it’s deeper than just the competition she missed, I feel inadequate and it hurts me so much because she is the most important thing In my life and the pressure I put on myself to get it right all the time is so immense

[NeuronerdDoaty]

As a single mom of a herd who are all grown up you’re teaching her that she has to be perfect. She’s going to emulate you. It took years of therapy to put my mothers heavy load down. No one is perfect. Being imperfect is the best gift you can give loved kids.

Here’s a good lesson for her. She can see an truthful I’m sorry and you keep moving on. My grandma used to tell us perfection is not an option.

‘Doing’ is not all there is to love. Please don’t teach her that she can be mad at you for not being perfect. The world did not end. No one died. You’re putting too much on yourself and your daughter. The pressure on you both sounds painful.

Forgive yourself. You’re setting yourself up for many future failures.

Just love and be kind.

Doaty

[Skiblue in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Thank you for quick your response, I really appreciate it . She doesn’t even know that she missed it, I am tourturing myslef and you are right, the world didn’t end, it’s just this overwhelming feeling of anxiety and feeling I’ve let her down. Parent guilt is horrible and it’s a big learning curve x

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Skiblue]

Mom you’re doing great. I can read your love. It’s in every word. Be kind to yourself. I want to hug you because you sound like you’re doing such a good job.

[Skiblue in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Thank you for reaching out to me and making me feel worthy! You really have made a difference and I only just joined x

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Skiblue]

You’re welcome. Lots of people here care. This is a good group.

[Purpledreamer in reply to Skiblue]

I think part of anxiety disorder is attaching deep worries into random occurrences. So you have connected that you are a single mum and your feeling that you have let her down with the fact you so happened to not be perfect and failed to get her to a random event. Mistakes are normal, good even as we learn so much more from them. Please forgive yourself for being a single mum. I honestly believe that love is love no matter of it comes from one parent or two. You clearly love her so give yourself a break as nothing else matters xx ps two of my closest friends were only child’s with single parents and they are both thriving and enjoying adult life xxx

[Beachytoes2u]

Hi Sky blue, I like you was a single mom! I found out later in life from my daughter, all the club's, activities, horses etc., she really wanted more of me. Just a thought? From a fellow single mom? You know, you are doing so much as a mom running a house, clean clothes, job, sure she eats right, on and on what u do, correctly. No doubt, busy w Xmas, u forgot, it's ok nothing serious or dangerous happened. Go make hot chocolate for you both, and ask for a big hug, what u are doing is a hard job. This site, gives great advice for many things, welcome☺

[50percentMe]

Dear Skiblue

You feel like a failure because you forgot a competition? You said it best "... doing as much as I can with her". How lucky she is to have a mom like you! I hope she will realize your dedication and love for her if she doesn't already. I'm working through guilt myself, blaming myself for the major decisions I've made with the best intentions with horrible results. I'm not sure how it will end in the future, but am saddled with guilt right now. As you, I've tried to make up for moving my daughter from a healthy, secure and stable environment to an isolated one. My husband is passive, so all the decisions are mine, which means when things go wrong, it's all my fault. Don't forget, being a single mom is a lot on your shoulders without extra guilt. If your daughter competed in this competition, would she be a better person (not just athlete). What if she were ill and couldn't compete? Things happen, and as a guilty plagued person like myself, I try to fix what I think is broken. I can't make up for what is done. I feel as though I broke what wasn't broken. I'm hoping my daughter will realize I did the best I could and would never make a decision to intentionally hurt her. I'm hoping it will make her stronger knowing things happen and we have to deal with the hand we have. Dwelling on the past will not help. She'll have this time to spend extra time getting ready for the next competition. Perhaps she will learn empathy and see that you are overwhelmed and she can start to take responsibility and charge of some things to help herself.