I am miserable

[Elanajon]

why am I depressed around my grandchildren? On Christmas Day the whole family was together, my son and daughter and their children. Everyone was having a good time and I felt miserable. Anxious and depressed. I am very new to this group and don’t know what to expect.

[Coolgreys]

I have a similar experience with my family. I want to connect with them but I mostly only feel intense anxiety and dread. I think I’ve felt this way most of my life at least since I was a teen. I feel so guilty about it.

[Elanajon in reply to Coolgreys]

it’s very helpful to know that you have a similar experience. I love my family so much and I wish I didn’t get depressed every time I see them.

[NorwegianWood]

Is your response the same when other guests come for a meal?

Is your anxiety a generalised response to many things or events?

Or, is there a worry about a family matter that is weighing you down? If it's the latter perhaps there is a way to bring it out in the open and work our a solution.

If it's the former then perhaps some help is needed to deal with anxiety and depression. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has been shown to be a reliable way to deal with them.

[Yorkiemanpoter]

I can understand and empathize. It’s awful to feel anxious around family when you just want to enjoy your time with them. Have you always felt that way or does it seem more recent?

[Elanajon in reply to Yorkiemanpoter]

It’s been quite a few years.

[kippy2]

Hello Elanajon, I feel the same, mine is because the family come to visit then later they have to leave and then it’s just me and my dog. So alone again, is this what you’re experiencing?

[Elanajon in reply to kippy2]

Yes, I am so sad when they leave.

[Cheetahone in reply to Elanajon]

Hi Elanajon,

I used to have similar problems with my family. What changed was changing my mind and looking forward to seeing them and then when I was with them, enjoying their company and making the most of it. When they left, I thought of how much I loved, appreciated and enjoyed their joy and love. I also appreciated that I had one more chance of seeing them, and loved the hope of seeing them again.

Also, there’s other ways to connect, like cards, letters, sending small gifts and phone calls.. Spreading out your love over time can bring as much joy as seeing them in person..

You don’t need a special occasion to see them and sending smartphone pictures and texts can be just as fun and satisfying. Especially with the grandchildren as they love any chance to see you (I’m sure your kids feel the same, they must feel sad when leaving too). Saying “I love you “ in various ways can relieve depression and anxiety on both sides.

Hoping this helps. And you have New Year’s Eve and day to cheer yourself up with any and all connections you can, make, let alone the loving experience of being surprised with an unexpected connection.

Wishing you many happy experiences, blessings and loving memories and moments to come.

[Cleaner]

I feel like that over Christmas to , I just can't feel with it. it's got that bad my husband and I went away for Christmas, I feel so guilty, I had the best Christmas for a long time.

[CrowBoy]

I am experiencing something quite similar. My daughter is visiting with her boyfriend at this Christmas time, and I have been mired in anxiety and depression since early November. I’m trying to be present for her visit, but I’m so stuck in my head, and I feel guilty about that. I SHOULD be enjoying myself, but I’m just hanging on with my anxiety warping all my feelings.

I wonder if you are also feeling guilty for the way you feel around your grandkids. I tend to pile bad feelings on myself, out of long habit. I hope you find some love and light in your situation, even in small ways.

[Elanajon in reply to CrowBoy]

I don’t really feel guilty but the anxiety and depression are strong. Try not to “should “ yourself. I know it’s hard not to. I hope you find some love and light too. Life is hard, isn’t it? But I also try to find the good things.

[PopGirl82]

It was my Christmas wish be with my family and I received it. Currently I have chronic pain and I cannot travel very far. I'm mostly sat on the couch but I tried to participate. This was a few days before Christmas and on Christmas Day the two other people and myself were sick so we didn't do much. I hate the time between Christmas and New Year's especially this year. I know did this year could've been much worse but for me it was one of the worst years of my life. All I can say for the new year is that I hope it's better than this year.