This is my second post and update to my stories. I dated a girl for 5 years and was so in love with her. Our relationship was not perfect by any means and we would fight all of the time. we still loved eachother no matter how many times we fought. When we loved we loved like there was no one else on earth and again the fights were like an all our war. She would hit me and verbally talk down on me when she got very angry in the first couple of years but since we got older (around 20/21) (around 3 years into our relationship) she changed and stopped doing all of that and I was so happy she was finally mature (as was I) because I used to be childish also(we started dating when we were 18) but as of 5/6 months ago we broke up because I couldn’t take the fighting anymore. I wanted her realize that life without me would suck if she didn’t stop fighting with me. But instead the 3rd month we were apart she found someone else and kind of moved on. I am still heart broken and so depressed from it. I contacted the 988 hotline because I did not want to be on this earth anymore. She was the love of my life and my literal soulmate. I’m not just saying that either because of the time we dated. The interactions we had were like heaven on earth and the moments we shared were sacred. I still can’t understand how could she just move on like that. I met so many nice people on here who tried to help me and check up on me. But my ex blocked me on every social media platform (besides twitter) so I could “move on) so and I made fake accounts to still watch her stories on instagram and I still see she’s posting another guy. So I again am back to square one. I want to still drop out of school and just give up on life. Everything i did during my 4 years of college was for her and my career path was for her. None of this is just worth it anymore. There’s a bit more to the story but it’s hard to type up everything on text. Thank you to those who try to help me and I feel bad for reverting back to how I was when I first joined this group but I just don’t want to be here without her anymore. I hate myself for ruining our relationship and I often blame myself for everything. If anyone needs something I’m here.
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Bulldoglover12345
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Hello, my messages are open if you are still avalaible. I don't have any romantic experience but I can relate to you on having a relationship fallout, moving on and starting from scratch is what I'm doing at least. Relying back on one person to always be there is going to start having its problems.
Thank you, it’s just hard and even now when I try to contact her, she wast best friend and the only one I could talk to. She tells me I am crazy because I am still making poems about her and posting them to youtube(she is a hopeless romantic) so I’m hoping she will appreciate those little actions of love and come back to me. Also I took out a loan to buy her things and I’m struggling but it doesn’t matter to me because I hope she will appreciate it and come back to me.
It's ok to feel this way, it's hard letting go more than it is to forget. But you have to remember that your own self is more important and making the necessary steps to process that grief can be for the better in the long run. People will come and go, that's part of life, and you still have many other opportunities for new people to enter your life.
What if I don’t want to forget? What if I don’t want to let her go? Is it crazy that id rather go the rest of my life without someone because I felt as if I had found the one? My soulmate, even if I was not hers. I felt as that she was my last.
I might not be the person you need to hear. At the end of the day, it's your call, but grieving those feelings in a healthy way is what I'd do in your situation. I do understand in a way that you don't want to destroy your self esteem by abandoning them, but you can discover and find authentic relationships by meeting new people. Allowing people into my life has helped me grieve over loss in the past.
If you don't let her go you will start to get a reputation as a 'stalker', and drive her further away, possibly even get the police involved.
If it is the right relationship she will come back; BUT, don't wait around. Constant fighting suggests a power struggle to see who rules the roost!You are too young to think of her as the love of your life. You don't yet have the life experience.
You are both young; there are many other women out there looking for a considerate man. Don't set your sights on one right now.
Thank you for the response, I definitely have no plans to stalk her but it’s hard to stop caring about her, I just want to make sure she is okay. She was my best friend for over 5 years. Currently I am just doing my best to stay afloat and in school thanks to the help of others on here. I will try my best to look forward but I think of the Bruno mars song “if I knew a lot” and the thing that sticks with me is “I wouldn’t have done the things that I have done if I knew one day you’d come” and it kinda sits with me. Not sure what choice is the right one, I overthink so much nowadays; funny, I got that trait from her
I'm sorry to hear that you feel so bad that you just don't want to be here without her. All I can say is that after years and years of sorting through the mess of my life, it has finally dawned on me that no one is worth that sort of self-condemnation. You say she was the love of your life, implying that you will never find anyone like her again -- but your life is not over and it might be that you would just find someone better. All this doesn't take away from the fact that you are in pain, though. All I can say is that time has always shown me that the pain usually subsides and if it doesn't, you can reach out to someone who will show you how to make it subside. Good luck in your journey. Be kind to yourself.
thank you for the response. I have had thoughts of maybe obtaining medication that would help me with my depression but I’m not sure about that stuff and I don’t want my family to know how much I am suffering. I am the type of person who would rather suffer in silence rather than let everyone know my problems. That is partially why I took to this website. Is it normal to never want to move on? I promised her so many things and I feel like I am betraying my promise if I move on. Like I’d rather never learn someone else’s favorite color because like I only care about hers. My whole idea is that I promised I’d love her for forever and I don’t want to betray that promise, I did so many things wrong (never cheat or anything that bad) it was more so immature things because I am young and a bit childish. I beat myself up everyday for it.
I am no expert, but it reminds me of the first significant relationship i had. We were in love, but we were not compatible. It was a hard, very painful lesson for me to learn. In my case he found a new person right away. I have always been terrible at meeting people. Anyhow, i learned it takes more than love. I so often thought of that david bowie song, "when its good its really good and when its bad i go to pieces". And i will never forget the customer where i worked at age 16, a stranger who said, " love is wonderful when it is the same for both people". Its true, you have to be each others soul mates. It has to be the same for both. Best wishes. I know it sucks. But you are still so very young.
Thank you. Is it crazy if I say that I don’t want to move on? Like I’d rather go my whole life without meeting someone else because I feel as if she was the one? Like what I mean is even though maybe I was not hers, she was my soulmate?
I think you said you are in college in your last post. Most colleges offer counseling for students. I believe there is no charge and it would be completely private. Your family would not know. I think this might help you. Just discussing your feelings with someone else can bring a lot of relief. I understand that the loss of this girl is beyond painful for you. x
Yeah I am currently in graduate school, but I have no motivation to do anything. Gaining my masters was for her. I feel like dropping out. As for therapy I am worried my parents will find out, they’re the type to put me in a sort of mental hospital if they knew that I was on this website or the thoughts I have. Also my school is super small and if I go, my soccer teammates will know about it and they’re the type of team to make fun of me for it.
First of all, your parents would NOT find out. If we were to imagine that they found out just for discussion purposes, they could not put you in any sort of mental hospital. Even if they knew you were on this site they could not put you in a mental hospital. No one on this site has ever been put in a mental hospital because they were on this site. In fact, being on this site is considered a mentally healthy activity because people here are actively working to resolve their concerns. I cannot comment on your soccer friends because I do not know them.
I hope you do not have too much longer to receive your masters degree because I think it would be very good for you to be in a different location and have new people, places and activities around you. Earning your own money would also free you from worrying about what your parents think, and enable you to get therapeutic help.
I know this is hard to believe, but gradually the pain you are in will ease - slowly over time. x
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