I didn't try medications until later in life. I remember when I was as mad as a hatter. I loved to dance and would dance for hours. i would get so excited over nothing, but boy, was it fun. I loved to be around people, and talk about anything and everything. Oh. the days of my youth - we were going to change everything , and make it all better...... We marched - we chanted. We were sprayed with power hoses, hit with bully clubs dragged down the street, but we kept coming back - because we were going to make it all better, for everyone.
What happened? It all crashed - and for me, tight with fear, pacing with anxiety, shaking from an unknown intruder. Unrelenting, it never stopped. I felt myself spiraling, first one way, then another. Voices of people were distorted, and looked so far away. Down into a black pit of nothing.
Was it all madness? All of those people, so young, who wanted a better world?
i am so placid nowadays. Well, most of the time. its hard to get whipped up about anything. Is it all in my mind, or is it by design?