A mad person here

[Krazie]

I didn't try medications until later in life. I remember when I was as mad as a hatter. I loved to dance and would dance for hours. i would get so excited over nothing, but boy, was it fun. I loved to be around people, and talk about anything and everything. Oh. the days of my youth - we were going to change everything , and make it all better...... We marched - we chanted. We were sprayed with power hoses, hit with bully clubs dragged down the street, but we kept coming back - because we were going to make it all better, for everyone.

What happened? It all crashed - and for me, tight with fear, pacing with anxiety, shaking from an unknown intruder. Unrelenting, it never stopped. I felt myself spiraling, first one way, then another. Voices of people were distorted, and looked so far away. Down into a black pit of nothing.

Was it all madness? All of those people, so young, who wanted a better world?

i am so placid nowadays. Well, most of the time. its hard to get whipped up about anything. Is it all in my mind, or is it by design?

[Posykelly]

Good morning. I am sorry you are going through a hard time. I have experienced something similar, but kind of opposite in the loss of faith in my world. When I was young, I thought my government and the people in it were all patriots working for the people. My family in government are truly that, so everyone was. Now I see that many are working for themselves and think that they are better than the people. It is a very disheartening thing to realize that your trust is wasted in this world. I am not delusional, but a changing, growing human. Like you. All of us have 'issues' and the self doubt intensifies them. But yourself some slack. Is the problem with you or the world? I think it is the world, a place of untruth and wickedness. You wanting to make it better is good.

[Krazie in reply to Posykelly]

Thanks for your comments, Posy. I was contemplating on days past.

[Krazie in reply to Krazie]

My faith in the world is gone, too. My faith in government is gone. My faith and trust is placed in God, as I know I will never be let down.

[Faithfull in reply to Krazie]

I'm feel faithless hopeless parroinod to leave flat its ridiculousness but I no no one who is like me don't stop talking butting in I can't help it worse one is when I stutter bad on phone sound drunk🤐

[Hidden in reply to Krazie]

God calls us to change the world, but now by just being an example of who he is. You are still changing the world your road to getting there has changed, but not your destination.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I just love your replies

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Animegirl.

[Faithfull in reply to Krazie]

Got bit confused on the last ones???????

[Faithfull in reply to Krazie]

Past is past and it bull the good bits don't last !

[Faithfull in reply to Krazie]

I laughed at you I don't no why you sending me madder than madxx

[EastbayTom]

Are the meds working? I contemplating them.

[Krazie in reply to EastbayTom]

Meds worked for me. I first tried them after I graduated from college and was about to start a new job. I became part of the establishment. Well, you have to, if you want to live a normal life. But I felt that old spiraling begin, and thought of all the times. I saw a psychiatrist and explained part of what I was feeling. I was given an SSRI, celexa, I think. I have been on so many different meds that it's hard to keep them straight. It worked well enough. I have diagnosed recurrent Major Depression. I kept other symptoms to myself, because I didn't want the labels. I have learned, over the years, what to look out for, how to manage and/or decrease the worst of the symptoms.

Currently I am taking Gabapentin, prescribed for nerve pain. I heard recently that it is now being given for bi-polar. I can say that my moods have been more stable since taking Gabapentin. I also take Trazodone, for sleep. Lack of sleep triggers a nightmare world for me, so I try to get my sleep at all cost.

My personal feelings about psychiatric meds is that it is handed out like candy, without looking into possible, other reasons for the patients distress. It seems to me to be a good idea to find out exactly what is being prescribed, which side effects to expect, and how long one might need to take them. Question doctors about everything. Be an active participant in your own medical care.

Best of wishes to you on what ever you decide to do. We will be here to talk to, We will listen. We will support you.

[EastbayTom in reply to Krazie]

Thank you, I am going to tread cautiously.

[Faithfull]

It's all a state of mind I remember Raving being in frills out me nut,looking like sh .... Feeling beautiful and everyone else ,now it's as if I've slowed down to nothing at all

[Krazie in reply to Faithfull]

Slowed down? Ha-Ha, Faithfull. I have certainly slowed down, too. I have given up a lot because of it. I sit more (on computer), where I used to walk everywhere. It was so invigorating. I think its air pollution that causes coughing fits, if I stay out too long.The sky is always hazy. I can see planes criss-crossing the sky, leaving behind a white trail that expands. Definitely not regular airplane exhaust. I think of when I was young, and would lie out on the grass, and look up into the lovely blue, blue sky, with it's puffy white clouds. I would pick out animal shapes, and other shapes the clouds formed. I think of the kids today - they have never seen a truly blue sky. Makes me sad.

[Faithfull]

I love u and the way you say things I done and still wanna