Had a dark moment and lost my best fr... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Had a dark moment and lost my best friend because of it


So the evening before my 50th birthday I hit a low and wrote about it in my journal. I couldn’t handle life anymore. I share my journal with my best friend (been best friends for 35yrs). The next morning she sent me a happy birthday text and that we would be celebrating in a couple weeks. I didn’t respond because I was still really down because of work, turning 50, and a relationship. I didn’t call her as I have always done in the morning on my way to work. She texted several times and called and when she didn’t get a response she called my work. I was with a guest and couldn’t pick up. Finally I called and texted and she was pissed off at me for doing what I did. She said it sounded like I was going to end my life and not calling and picking up. She won’t talk to me, says she doesn’t know what the future holds for us and has completely removed herself from my life. No explanation of why, no closure. Just stopped everything.

As you know if you have anxiety and depression no closure is a mind blower. It spins me out on a daily bases. I don’t know how to get out of it.


13 Replies

It seems like an overreaction on her part.

Leave her be and then maybe contact her in a few days or a week or so. Try just sending a text (only ONE text! ) just explaining what happened and that you're very sorry and that you really value her friendship and then wait and see if she replies.

Don't contact her again if she doesn't. If she doesn't reply then in my opinion there's something wrong with her ! as most people would understand ,but there is nothing you can do.

You will have to let it go if she wants to be like that. Some people get frightened of mental illness and it seems like this may be what is happening in this case.

Maybe she was scared you were suicidal and the not talking to you now is because it was traumatic for her to think of you being suicidal and she hasn't quite gotten over it yet (even though you weren't if you see what I mean? ) X

PS When exactly did this happen?

Tuesday the 20th. The day of my 50th birthday

Ok, so i'ts fairly recent. I would do the text thing or the letter thing as fauxartist has suggested but don't make the letter too long if that's what you decide to do. Just write what you would have written in the text. You will know which method you feel most comfortable with, but I would give her a "cooling off period" of a few days before you send it. Then, fingers crossed. XX

Thank you

I'm sorry your hurting, it's terribly sad to loose a friend. But if I were you I would write her a letter and explain everything you were going through that day, it's up to her then to read it. I can't believe that she would not. We cannot change people, we can only make choices how we choose to handle our own stuff. You didn't do anything wrong, you just felt you were not in an emotional place to talk to your friend. Explain that in your letter, and then when you send it, that's all you can do.

jchamb268 in reply to fauxartist

Thank you.

I agree with the others but I also think she would have been frantic thinking you might have ended your life so can you imagine what she must have gone through not being able to get hold of you? How would you feel if the position had been reversed?

I agree wait for her to cool off then contact her. x

A little unclear. If you share your journal with your friend of 35 years, does that mean you shared your entry about you couldn't handle life anymore? If so, and then your withdrawal of communication with her from your pattern of so many years, what did you think she was going through? She thought you were dead.

I'm not certain how you are going to mend this broken bridge, but do not think she overreacted. It is regretful that the two of you are not communicating.....but not communicating is what got you into this situation.

She may be trying to make sense of this situation, and how, after 35 years, you wouldn't know how your behavior would alarm her, or maybe didn't care..........If you think she overreacted, maybe she did; but a broken trust of 35 years is difficult to swallow.

Don't think a text or call is going to do much. Don't think she's angry and you can just wait for her to"cool down." Think she feels used, hurt and maybe placed too much trust in you and needs to back away. She is trying to protect herself; if you did this now, what would prevent you from taking this relationship for granted again.

So sorry you just didn't at least acknowledge her birthday text.

I personally had a rift many years ago with a friend that I knew from childhood. I was greatly offended by his behavior many times, but he finally got the medical help he needed for his condition. He later contacted me, explained the whole situation, and sincerely apologized. I realized then that it was his illness that was "talking", and not something he was deliberately doing. We are good friends to this day.

Your situation is similar. I would suggest you write her a letter (not an email), and just explain what was going on in your head that made you behave that way. And, of course, apologize for offending her. She must already know that you suffer from depression, so she shouldn't be shocked by what she learns.

The rest is up to her. It's hard to believe that a good 35-year friendship could be ruptured by one incident, but at least you will have done your best to mend it.

Wishing you the best,


Only you know the whole story, history and what went on then. It's very hard to be without contact from a friend who has been in your life for so long. It's sounds like your friend is concerned for you and maybe cannot handle all of that right now. I am sorry that you are going through this. Your friend sounds like she was very concerned about you as she called your work. Maybe you can suggest that you get together and say how much she means to you, and remind her that you are having struggles right now. Also let her know that you'll be there for her as well. That's just my saying.

jchamb268 in reply to gogogirl

Thank you, that helps

You mentioned your 50th birthday? Could this be menopause talking? I remember having some moodiness around that time( separate from some issues I go through now). Menopause effects can last for at least ten years in some people I found out! At any rate about the best friend situation, can you wait for her at her place possibly with a nice plant and a note saying how much her friendship means to you? Or maybe you can ( if you are more comfortable that way) at least send her a plant with the note. She deserves more than a text- she was worried about you! Just saying. I hope this works out for you! Real friends that hang in there that long are hard to find.

Did u try telling her that?

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