Ever feel like your reason for being sad isn’t good enough?

[Willow2022]

I feel so lame posting but I can’t get out of my own head.

We bought a house last year. It was brutal but we did it. Have a large meadow that borders a creek running in the middle of a circle of houses. We fell in love with the plants, birds, bunnies, deer, groundhogs and so much more that frequently roam the meadow and into our yard (no fences in the neighborhood).

Our neighbor behind us starting landscaping. Good for him. Started with a patio. Now he is mowing down the meadow (it is his property) and putting in a lawn.

I watched them plow over all the wildflowers and small bushes from a chair on my patio and just cried. I am so sad that it is gone. Just broken.

We spent the past 22 years in cramped quarters giving all we had to each move every 2-3 years and when we finally settle down and don’t have to move, my love of nature gets trampled.

My husband doesn’t get why I am upset. He laughed when I hugged a tree in our yard because I was so happy to have one.

That meadow and the life thriving in it was my special calm in the storm of life that I thought I earned and it’s gone. I feel so sad but feel dumb feeling so sad over a lawn.

Any thoughts are welcome

[Irishisme]

I totally understand. Sometimes people that have lived their lives in natural surroundings don’t appreciate what others who have lived “nature deprived” would appreciate and find joy in. Unfortunately it’s not anything you can control. I would make a little area just for you to sit out and plant some things you love. Sometimes people share cuttings and bulbs from their gardens there might be some locals who do. If you see some beauties in a local garden you can compliment the person’s green thumb and they just might share. We had a situation where we got a cabin on a really pretty piece of property. Planned to retire there. There were no fences dividing us from neighbors and unfortunately a bad son of a neighbor knew we weren’t there except weekends. He took stuff off our porch. Tried to steal a mower and broke into our pop up. It devastated me and I started second guessing our decision to buy it. We ended up having to put up fencing which I hated and security cameras. But we did what we had to. The offender ended up dying from an overdose and no one else has been trespassing since so it’s all good. But like I said make your own little space and focus on it 🍀

[Willow2022 in reply to Irishisme]

Thank you for your kind words. I never thought it would be so hard to accept decisions my neighbors make. I know that sounds so childish but living on a military base for the last 20+ years is very different from owning a home in a neighborhood.

I wish it didn’t affect me so.

I have some beautiful plants and am working I planting more. I suppose some will go right by the property line so I don’t have to look at where the meadow was.

I am sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds awful. I hope your little cabin has peace for you now.

[Spud-u-Like1982]

I would feel exactly the same as you. I can't understand it when people do that, especially if it's a meadow full of animals. Alot of people take out their gardens too, yet there are so many people out there who'd give anything to have the luxury of a garden or a wild space.Where my Parents stay the housing developers have taken away so many trees and ruined the natural habitat of the local wildlife. My Parents live in the city, but the area was so full of trees it felt like you could breathe when you got home from work in the city. Now it's just yet another housing complex, with flats that look like something out of Communist Russia. I literally can't go anywhere near it because it depresses me seeing the sheer scale of destruction and loss of trees, as I grew up surrounded by the wildlife that called it home - our wild neighbours.

I don't know what to suggest other than if you have space in your garden, you could start your own wild flower meadow, or maybe put in some trees.

[Willow2022 in reply to Spud-u-Like1982]

Yes! I grew up rurally playing in the woods and living on a gravel road. I always thought when my husband and I settled down, we would have some land. Unfortunately in this housing market, you get whatever you can find. We didn’t get land but we did get a great bunch of neighbors (except this one) and a wonderful house.

I feel selfish complaining about the loss of “view” from my back door. Even in a weird way I feel like my peace has been violated.

Thank you for commiserating with me. Honestly, it’s just what I needed. 💜

[Spud-u-Like1982 in reply to Willow2022]

It seems to be the way of the world when it comes to neighbours - there's always one who's a problem. The neighbour beside me complained because I like to feed the birds. I don't feed them all the time and whatever I put out is eaten very quickly, but he alleged he saw a rat. What I think his issue really is relates to the birds being crows and the noise they make. We have been here 6 years and he moved in about 2 years ago, but I hate the fact I'm being told how to live my life. It's one of the very few joys I have left. The day he came to the door I wanted to punch him, but I obviously didn't.

The really annoying thing about it is they are ignorant and thoughtless, as they constantly make noise and bang doors. They constantly work on the house when the houses are all only 7 years old. When my partner first moved in, we didn't know the house nextdoor was an air b and b, as the estate agent didn't inform us - and it was hellish and stressful then too. The other annoying thing is they have a dog that barks at literally everything and they will let the dog out in the back yard every day before 6 in the morning and it just keeps barking. I'm a dog person, but the constant barking is getting to me. In a twist of hypocrisy after telling me off they put out several bird feeders. The irony in that one.

What makes me laugh is the have a fake dead crow hanging on their fence to scare them away, but the birds don't bother with it.

Anyway, apologies for off-loading that, but just wanted to share the issue of annoying neighbours. I definitely know what you mean about land being a premium.

[Willow2022 in reply to Spud-u-Like1982]

I would love to be your neighbor!

We have all sorts of birds but crows are a rarity. I just love them. So so smart. My daughter has suggested training them to poop on the neighbor we don’t like 😁.

I hear you on the dog thing. I adore dogs but once I hear a constant barking it’s like my ears search for it and I can hear nothing else. Is there any laws preventing an animal from being a nuisance or sound laws?

I hope you are able to find peace throughout the day.

[Spud-u-Like1982 in reply to Willow2022]

That would be a brilliant skill to have. I used to sometimes be followed home from school by a crow that would fly from rooftop to rooftop. If I went out a walk at night I'd be followed by a fox who would keep pace with me and walk through people's gardens while I walked the pavement.

I grew up in a house where my Mum always feeds the birds, squirrels, foxes and hedgehogs. She spends so much money on them, but it brings her great joy, though she does find it tiring too. Having been away from home, whenever I visit now, I find it quite stressful, the way she stays alert for the birds turning up. It's definitely the OCD that I have.

We do have laws about dogs barking, but the neighbours in question are the sort who thinks they're better than everyone. The fact we live basically in the country, surrounded by farmland and the birds only turn up maybe once a day, just proves the sort of people they are.

Due to my partner kicking me out, I won't be around it much longer and she doesn't bother about it. She just thinks I'm too sensitive and it's an ADHD/OCD thing for me. The truth is, I don't like thoughtless people. I always consider others and I try to be respectful, but it seems too much for some people.

[Turnipgirl]

On one of the other boards here I got told off for supposedly being angry all the time when I dared to talk about feeling frustrated after frustrating things had built up over time!

Another one is when I lost a job I dared to admit I was upset and angry over it especially the way it happened as it was unfair in how I was treated and I had done nothing to deserve it and I got told off for being supposedly bitter and to be grateful for the good things in my life!

Maybe I could have been more grateful but when things like that happen it's OK not to always be grateful!

My understanding of bitter is when you stay angry for ages over petty things such as not getting a pair of shoes you wanted when you were a child 30 years ago!

That really is bitter!

[AnxiousSilver]

"Any thoughts are welcome"

I'm gonna throw a couple of things out on the table, and lets see if anything sticks.

You're currently sad for what your neighbor decided to do, I completely get it.

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However, do you have room to plant a small tree, plant your own garden, or simply plant some flowers/plants?

Do you live in an area where there is a forest preserve/wildlife nearby, or even within reasonable driving distance?

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I don't know if any of that is an option, but I hope something that I wrote above helps.

[Willow2022 in reply to AnxiousSilver]

Yes, I do have the room. Not much compared to how big the meadow was, but I have some. We actually live not far from a nature preserve so I am able to go there and surround myself with it.

I suppose my depression/anxiety have made me hyper focused on this like it was my yard and my meadow because I found such peace there. Just sitting watching baby bunnies play have that affect. After suffering for so many years and then finding something that eases your soul was unexpected and a treasure.

I know I will manage but at times it is hard to find a way to that peace I felt. Especially as I woke up to construction equipment this morning ripping up more areas…

[AnxiousSilver in reply to Willow2022]

"We actually live not far from a nature preserve so I am able to go there and surround myself with it. "

Alright, so that's good.

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But, you know. You still have control of bringing the nature back to your yard. You can always go to the store and buy some potted plants for your yard. Maybe even eventually plant a tree.

Start slow and small, and maybe over time you'll end up having the backyard you always wanted.

.

Just remember that you are not alone, and we are here for you.

[Willow2022 in reply to AnxiousSilver]

You brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your words 💜

[catsrock]

You have the right to be sad about anything that makes you feel that way. I'm sorry they plowed over the meadow.

[Willow2022 in reply to catsrock]

Thx cats… I guess I needed validation to be sad about something most people would laugh at

[Midori]

I'm so sorry; but it sounds as if you'll have an HOA in there in short order! I hope it's just him being a bit of a jerk; Why move to the country if you are just going to change it into another city? How's he going to cope with the wildlife, I wonder?

Cheers, Midori

[Turnipgirl in reply to Midori]

After I got evicted last year and got moved up to East Cardiff and the suburbs I feel it's the best thing that could have happened to me as from the flat there's gorgeous views of the Bristol channel and the meadows aren't too far to go to and the swings for the children!

The world most certainly didn't end when I was evicted last year!

No a new and better world opened up for me!

[Willow2022 in reply to Midori]

It’s funny as we have an HOA in our neighborhood and it’s pretty great. The house that ripped up the meadow backs up to mine and isn’t a part of our HOA. The head HOA already got involved to see if they had the correct permits to rip up the meadow and build their patio. So at least he is doing something