ruined….

[Herby87]

So…this is gonna be long. And for that - I’m sorry. So I met this guy back in January…. At a bar. We start talking…and it gets hot and heavy quick. I think everything is going okay until I introduce him to some friends. He picked a fight with one of my guy friends at the bar we were at. So we left. My girlfriend calls me the next day and informs me he was invited with a couple of gay men at the bar. So I called him out. He downplays it. Come to find out this man has a threesome with them. When I confronted him he gets mad and breaks up with me. I beg. We talk. Go get tested. All is good. He loses his job, I tell him to move in. I did everything you could think of. Got him a job. Drove him back and forth to work. Washed his clothes. Made his lunch. Made sure the house was clean. All the time. Long story short…. He goes on a night fishing trip…find out he actually cheated on me. But not before he comes back for a week before leaving again and moving in with her. Note: This man is a compulsive liar. And a major alcoholic. Of course, I tried begging this man not to leave me… And he basically breaks up with me through Snapchat. And tells me that he has a problem and that he just needs to be single. So I let him be single. He calls me a week later to come back. Told me he was gonna give up the alcohol and go to church with me that lasted about a week. And since then things have been a little weird. He was very controlling, and very jealous. He kicked me at a restaurant for looking at the waiter too long. He would constantly snap at me for a little things. He would constantly lie about how much alcohol he was consuming and hide the fact that he was even drinking. At one point, he took one of our sexual escapades too far after I begged him not to - he sodomized me. When I confronted him about it, he got upset that I accused him of rape. He would steal money from me.he asked a good friend of mine, his brother for methamphetamine. There were so many red flags. I don’t know why I didn’t see it. A couple weeks ago he wrecked my car drinking and driving. Came home drunk as a skunk. We got into an argument, and I took his phone, he tackled me into the washing machine. His daughter and my daughter walked in on it. He leaves the house. Comes back and kicks in my door. Gets into a fight with my downstairs neighbor. His wife pulls a gun on him. So he goes to jail for public intoxication, and then when he gets out, he comes and picks up his stuff in his new girlfriend‘s car.

why am I devastated? Why am I trauma bonded? How can I overcome this? Why do I keep thinking he’s gonna come back? Why do I even want him back?