so, I was seeing this girl for 3 months. And we had a lot of issues. It was the first time for both of us seeing someone for this long and for a long time. And we were serious. So we were both learning and we knew that. We had a lot of arguments in this time. It was very up and down. A lot at the start because of my own ego and not wanting to get hurt. So I held back in the way I felt about her a lot which I think reflected in her actions because she didn’t feel secure with me so I feel like she self sabotaged a lot. We finally had a talk about it 3 weeks ago and I told her I was going to do better and be honest with the way I felt. As I wanted this to work as she’s the only person I’ve really wanted it to work with for so long. Things were going good for 3 weeks or so until we were at the pub and she had her arms wrapped around one of her guy friends in front of me. For quite a while and it made me feel very uncomfortable. We were both drunk and I didn’t take to it well at all. I’m big on boundaries and respect and she broke that in front of me. Which confused me as were we doing so good so I don’t get why she would jeopardise that. It almost felt like she done it on purpose to get a reaction. She apologised the next morning and said she understands why I would be annoyed. She was very much all over me and felt like she was trying to make amends but then that night she called me and said she couldn’t do it anymore. How all the arguments have stressed her out and she can’t handle it. And left me confused because I feel like I only reacted to something she did and for her to run over that upset me a lot. She is going through a lot at the moment with her Nan being in hospital and her parents being quite hard on her. Anyway we had that call and I said I respect ur decision and we left it as that. A few days later I sent her a voice note as I thought I owned it to her and myself. Telling how how I truely felt about her as I haven’t really told her enough in the past, or as much as I feel like she needed. I told her I was in love with her. And now I wanted her to know this as I didn’t feel like I’d get a chance to tell her again if this was the last time we spoke. But she didn’t reply to this. So I deleted the voice note and I’m guessing it is truly over then. So I’ve wrote a note to send her along with an earring to mail her which belongs to her. I was just wondering if this was the right thing to do? Of course in the back of my mind I’m hoping this somehow changed her mind, but if I’m being realistic I know it probably isn’t going to. I guess this is just my last act of love, and then I’m going to leave her alone.
My note says “I don’t think either of us were perfect, we were both learning, but I was definitely learning with you. I realised I loved you too late and that is my problem.
xx
Anxiety and Panic attacks and Depression are ruining my life 
I asked for understanding. 
Newbie. Here to vent about my spouse. Intro. Part One. 
I just need to let it out 😔 trigger warning ⚠️ 
Feel like a failure 
