So me? I'm 31 I work as an Assistant Manager at a national fast casual bakery-type cafe in Albuquerque, NM. I don't have many hobbies but I love music and I play a little guitar. I was raised Catholic by Mexican immigrants and I am the oldest of six kids that are the first generation born in the US. I graduated High School a year late in Kenosha, WI and that is where I met my girlfriend. We kept in touch through the conventions of the era(Myspace, AIM, etc.) and started dating on Nov 27 in 2006. We were 19yrs old.
Her. She was raised Catholic by Irish-Americans. The middle child of 3 girls, all of which are brilliant, articulate, college graduates. She graduated with a Bachelor of Music in Education from Lawrence University. She has mostly worked with children and now runs an afterschool program here in Albuquerque.
Us. We did the long distance thing for 3 years. The drive was approximately 2.5hrs. I visited every chance I could which was once or twice a month. She spent every school break she could with me. She hated being home because of her mom but she did it. The distance didn't seem difficult while she was at school since we already formed a habit of calling each other every night. I left my house for the first time at age 22 to join her in an off campus apartment while she finished her graduation requisites. The plan was she dots the i's and crosses the t's on her degree then we move to Albuquerque where we can get married to live happily ever after.
She graduated in the recession. First thing to go in all the schools? Arts programs.
There's no jobs for her in Albuquerque. We worked for minimum wage in Appleton, WI.
She wouldn't learn to drive.
She slept all the time.
She wouldn't apply to teaching jobs.
She wouldn't consider going back to do more school.
She ate like a little kid and never cooked.
We had roomies so sex was out of the question.
She suffered from migraines almost daily.
She couldn't order food at a restaurant for herself.
Her anxiety was getting worse and worse but I assumed she was just revealing new pieces of a very flawed personality.
We get into a lot of fights over it. I tried to leave but she convinced me to stay. I love her, I just had such a hard time living with her. I was getting quite literally nothing out of it. I think I stayed because I knew she had been capable and independent once upon a time. I know you shouldn't stay with someone hoping that they change but I fell for all the promises she made through desperate sobs of unbridled pain. I have never been more moved by any other display in my life. I never felt loved until I tried to leave. She suppressed her feelings so much growing up that this was the most extreme emotion she has ever shown me. I convinced myself I had an anger problem and that I was the one that needed to change.
I did have an explosive temper. I have a tendency to yell. I will hit things and throw stuff. I always knew that if I really wanted out, all I had to do was throw something at her or hit her and she would be gone. She wouldn't feel left behind and I wouldn't feel guilty since I did something to deserve it. That thought crept up every time I wanted more out of her than she gave.
In hindsight, I was right to feel anger. I was wrong to explode.
We were mostly happy to just smoke weed and sleep a lot. Anxiety didn't have a name. Therapy had stigma. She was diagnosed with Narcolepsy and we thought that this was our biggest problem.
We are still together. We will hit our 12yr anniversary on Nov. 27, 2018. I hope other people can read this and recognize a journey not unlike their own that is filled with frustration and helplessness to match the victims of anxiety and depression that we chose to love.
Lost Loved Ones *Trigger Warning*
Can I please get advice? I don't know what to do anymore, and I can't ask my family.
I only have 1 friend and she isn't that great of a friend 
A depressed broken heart
