Like panic attacks and anxiety attacks. I get waves of insane depression, sloth, lethargy, hopelessness, irritability, supressed rage, nihilism.
Plus my comfort character will unalive himself and my favourite group will disband. Every time a group i like disbands, something happens. Fifth harmony disbanded on the same day my dad announced he is leaving and wants divorce and ran away. My half-sibling was on the Little mix disbandment. Now Gidle. Also i told my sister (who used to be a weeb before her damn boyfriend) and she said "he's a 2D character". But this 2D character is the only happiness i have. Also they are worried i will panic and throw up and ruin the holiday and idk whether to go or cancel summer 24. On my birthday i will have nobody. At least praying mom doesn't make me cry. I have nobody to invite for my birthday (16 aug). We're absolutely broke. I couldn't even buy summer shoes and i was looking for flipflops in the cheapest stores. Granpa called. Asked if i had left my accommodation. And if i found work in my field. Impossible. Grandpa found out i sold the tickets (damn dad told him). I feel so bad. But im so broke and i need therapy and sis didn't want me there. If only i could explain this. But mom was home and i couldn't talk to him longer and he just said "hope you use the money for good". There's nobody to drive me to the concert. And i wouldnt be able to make it all day in the heat, alone, while sis is with dad's family. I overheard mom tell sis "take her, your friends are her age, she might find a new boyfriend and vent to him and stop being a drama to us" and sis said "but Denitsa(dad's new wife) and the rest will be there. And she will embarrass me". And when i walked in she lied in my face a classmate would drive her. But didn't tell grandpa all those things. Dad and sis are such snakes. And grandpa will be going to the hospital. I feel like the villain. But the concert is away and i can't go there alone. Especially with my sprained leg, dissosiation, agoraphobia and depression attacks and after my kidnap attempt. Everyone thinks im the villain. For my illness. For the concert. For the holiday. For kidnapping (i couldn't report it because i had no clues or information around the man or the car, it was dark). God, i just want to lay down and sleep. But im scared mom will think i drugged myself with Clonasepam again. Tears are emerging my face but too numb to cry and need to hide it from mom. Went to the psychiatrist, no help, no change in medication, nothing. It's terrible starting over with a new therapist as well. Are we cursed?
