I was talking with mom how raising me walking on eggshells made me neurotic. How everything being a game of chess (her late father that passed the alchoholism to her, im sorry im mad at someone dead) taught her. She wants me to have a boyfriend so i vent to him and "calm down". She even said that i should go to the military and get a military guy because "they're taught to obey and be submissive". I told her with all her warnings im scared of men. Then she got overwhelmed and told me to go outside and leave her "meditate" aka drink in peace. I went around the neighbourhood but nothing so i sat down on some stairs. A taxi driver started a conversation with me. I said i haven't ordered a taxi and i don't have money. I talked from outside but he wanted me to get in , then drove to the forest. Started asking about my age and if im married. I lied and said im younger than i actually am. Should have said im a minor. I realised he had no intention of actually listening to me and i will have to pay this salty price for therapy and that i have no friends and i will have to walk around the block every night, hoping i don't bump at him or at some annoying gypsy. I have nowhere to go and no friends when it's midnight and mom's drunk and i don't have a room so i should go out. And i came back and i said i was kidnapped and mom said "see? And you blamed me for telling you to walk on eggshells". Victim blaming. I'm tired of my mom and dad telling me "aren't you psychologidt, you should know that" and then not believing me im traumatized. I'm tired of my mom and dad giving me tasks and instructions when i can't think. Now im scared of car and men and of going out and mom's first shift tommorow which means she will drink all day. I'm a damn victim. They ruined me so much that i trust strangers because i can't trust my own family and have no friends. My mom said "told you so" and fell asleep. I was going to go to shower and my sister got in and said she doesn't care i want to shower. Someone i knew from here said "they prey on sadness. I'm scared to even go on social media and here". Didn't heard from him again.
I was weakened. Traveling early. Coming home to a scandal about how sis doesn't want me at a concert (i heard her whispering she's going with half-sister and it broke my heart). Job interview. Came home and fell asleep. Wooke up and mom arrived and the saga continued
