I don't even know anymore...

[Y6789]

I have previously spoken about suffering severe abuse from parents for over 5+ years.. i was, am trapped in that house. And so, I have always done things they approve of. If I didn't do things they find okay to do and did my own thing, i was abused emotionally, verbally, even physically. I can't do things that I like anymore. I can't even read a book when I want to. I don't have a room... They can just enter the room I'm in... Btw I'm 21.

I love to exercise i can't even do that,... Somehow I think they're gonna come in the room and judge me or abuse how my body looks and... So many things

I can't study when I want to. Because they keep the volume of the tv too high. All the time.. I can't even go outside because I don't earn money yet

All my friends are busy. They don't help me

I guess if I did have a helping friend i would tell them- i can't do this anymore. I want to leave... Truth is I have wished so much to leave and life has not given me opportunities to leave. And it's been so long since I've been fantasizing about leaving that somewhere in my brain I now think it's impossible to leave. And the only exit, true exit is death. Death is so sweet.

Some days when I want to do something and I can't, and I continue to do things i don't want to do because of them and my mind which is so used to instantly neglecting everything I've ever wanted to do, i feel so empty. All my wishes are in the waste bin. What remains is sadness and emptiness. And worry. How will I survive tomorrow and the day after that.

Abuse takes all energy from you. All of it.. and do i even have the energy to stay alive for the next few days? Do I have the energy to fight my mind which has been so conditioned to toxicity and helplessness? Can I even heal and break my patterns .. do I have the energy?

[Starrlight]

((((((((Y6789)))))))

[Y6789 in reply to Starrlight]

??

[Starrlight in reply to Y6789]

Just giving you a hug. Are you safe?

[Y6789 in reply to Starrlight]

No until I'm living with them I'm not really safe

[Starrlight in reply to Y6789]

Do you have a trusted person away from your parents that you can talk to? There’s also 889 to talk to someone who is used to helping when you’re in trouble.

But ultimately getting out of there is the best thing to do. I’m sorry I don’t know where you live or what services are available to you…

[Y6789 in reply to Starrlight]

No I don't have that kindof person. Unfortunately .. i live in mumbai. What kindof services should I look for exactly?

[Starrlight in reply to Y6789]

I have a really good mental health center I go to with team of psychiatrist and therapist who work together. Look up mental health services in your area.

[Starrlight in reply to Starrlight]

Also, there are services that help people who are below a certain income.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Y6789,Thank you for your post.

There is hope for you to find a better life.

Depending on the country you live in, young people from 18-25 are eligible for youth based assistance programs.

If you remotely access a service, with free and confidential support you, you should be able to plan how to leave home and go to a safe place.

If you can tell us where

you live, we might be able to offer more local information?

If you have friends, pick one or two to ask for help to leave. Be quite specific about what you need. Most people, even busy ones, are ready to help out if they know what to do.

I think if you make a plan when you feel your best, the energy will come from knowing the end of abuse is coming. 🫂 💜 🐈‍⬛

[Y6789 in reply to blackcat64013]

Thank you for your words♥️ it made me feel better. I live in mumbai. I am actually going this September for university