Panic again

[Against_the_current]

Waking up panicking. I can't get ventilation here. I don't know what to do with where to live. I think it's best to go and be honest that i have a health issue and ask if i can start later. I'm really worried when to arrive - if i arrive on Sunday night mom might be drunk. Monday morning - i will have no sleep and be stressed. I'm stunned in panic. I need the month to heal but idk if i have money. Chocking in panic. Can't even decide what to eat. I got a message there's an option to go to live in a place owned by the government but i would get the police kicking in every day. Like what am i supposed to do - invite them for tea? Also don't really want to get involved with this guy that moves this and idk how clean this place is and if i can take of myself or just starve myself in a bigger space. Also there's a danger of me spilling to the social workers thst mom drinks and this bringing trouble to her and sis. I'm just mentally challenged and lonely and i need care and company just wish she wasn't going crazy at evenings like the damn shaman said. Dad said she was the same during their marriage and she wasn't drinking then. So it might not be the alcohol and the break up but just her character. My head hurts. I want to rest. I can't deal with documents and social services and jobs and moms and traveling, can't even decide what to eat. I have some food left but no microwave and im sick of eating the same the whole week. And would i have money for therapy? My head hurts like hell. My air freshener is killing me right now. I'm on (sensory) overload. I need a friend to physically hug but can't arrange. I just need rest. I woke up in panic and it escalated and now having insane headache that i could cry from it. I don't know whether to tell mom about the interview. I'm already overwhelmed and it's about 4pm and she might not be concentrated and burden me more

[Alpakka123]

What can you deal with right at this moment? Take it moment by moment. No wonder you're overwhelmed; you're thinking about too many things all at once. Doing so would verwhelm anyone! Take some deep breaths. Maybe make a list of what you can deal with on one side and what you can't deal with on the other. From what I gather from your posts, you are trying to deal with so much that you can't deal with it because it's too much to deal with! Focus on what you can deal with. Take baby steps if you have to.

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

Thank you so much! You're so right. I'm so overwhelmed

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

You're welcome! Yes, you sure are. And you're making yourself sick doing it. This is not a criticism but an observation. Take your post I responded to a second ago. I'm about to reply to it. But I can do it here instead. My reply would be "but that's now in this moment that it's messing with your mental health. It's not messing with your mental health in your job because that's in the future and you don't know what the future will bring. If I understand correctly, you're anticipating that it will mess with your health. Anticipating isn't knowing for sure. It's only guessing. It seems like you're getting things all tangled up (again not a criticism)".

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

True. It's messing with my health. Neurotics raised me, she's drunk texting me again, im attacked from so many sides. I'm overwhelmed. I need help. And grandma is being bitter and making it worse

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

I don't know what to say except that must be so hard. Are you seeing a therapist? It always helps to have a third party to talk to.

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

I'm not and i really need to. But i have to base myself in one place and have money. For now both places aren't good