Me and my 20-month boyfriend broke up a month ago. Two months ago. We decided to end it on good terms. I'm trying to make it as short as possible, but things were really good until maybe 15 months after the beginning of the relationship, when he started calling me infantile and stupid just because I didn't know the answer of the history questions that he asked me. He's very passionate about history and often asks me questions that are not general knowledge for no reason. And when I couldn't answer them, he started calling me first infantile because I was singing my favorite song with a friend and then stupid because I didn't know the answer of his questions. We had a big fight, in which I was the only one fighting for the relationship, but I should say that this person is the only one that can give me and that gave me some kind of care and support and understanding. I didn't get that from my family or my friends and that's why I was so attached. And even though he gave me some kind of support and understanding, it was a bare minimum, it wasn't what I needed. So, after three days of big fight and only me fighting for the relationship and him not caring, we agreed that he will stop being annoyed by my interests. My interests are theater, music, cinema, I'm an arts person. And me, I'm gonna care more about his interests. So we agreed, but every single day he started asking me what have I learned that day, what have I read, which was a bit too much for me. And then we realized that we're going to be three years on a long distance relationship. And I wanted to be sure that when I come back, because I was the one traveling, things would be great. He was ready for a long distance, but he told me that when I come back, he wants us to live with his mother and only travel with her. So I proposed that we live close to her, but not with her. And he agreed, but said he wants to visit her every single day and have dinner with her a lot.
And then things started bothering me a lot, when he started preferring staying at home with his mother. They have a very strong connection. But he stayed at home with her instead of being with me, even though we haven't seen each other for a very long period of time. He started telling me every time he sees me and we're in the middle of a talk or on a walk, he says how much he loves his mother, how amazing she is, etc. And one day he decided that the only day that I could see him and he had free time, he told me that he prefers to be at home with his mother, even though he has been with her all week. And I got mad. We started fighting. I told him I want to break up and he acted like he didn't hear me. The next day he told me he was tired of loving me and he wants to stay friends. And I agreed on staying friends because, as I said, I am emotionally dependent on him. Because I am a person who really needs to talk to someone, to express feelings, and actually that's the reason why I am writing here.
And this friendship is good, I mean, he is one of my closest friends, but at the same time he's doing things that a friend wouldn't do, like criticizing me when I post a story, telling me that it's ugly and stupid, or when I'm with another friend, he starts to get mad if I don't answer his text fast enough, and starts telling me that when he is with his friends he answers me fast, which is not true, he never answers fast.
And I really don't want to end the friendship, but I just want to stop being so emotionally attached to him. For example, when I ask him for help and he says that he is tired of helping me, he doesn't want to help me anymore mentally and I remember that before we started dating he told me how many girls he has chatted with online that had mental health problems, and he was the one helping them, and he was very proud of himself. And there is me, his ex-girlfriend, and while I was his actual girlfriend he never tried to help that much, he always got tired of helping me with my mental health problems the second day. And now that I apparently am his closest friend, that's what he said, and he doesn't care that much, that hurts me, and I don't want to be hurt by those things, I want to not care about him. I asked him if I could call him at night, because I felt that I won't be okay that night, and I asked him "if it's an emergency, can I call you, because you are closer to me than anyone else, I mean physically." And he said "I have work tomorrow, so I want to sleep" but just let me precise that his work starts at 5 in the afternoon, so I mean even if I wake him up at 3 in the morning, he could be able to have his rest.
But anyways, I just, I want to stop feeling this way, and I don't know how to program my brain to stop having this dependence. And if any of you can help me, I will be so grateful, and please, I know that many of you will tell me to end the friendship, but as I said, he is the only one that, even though he doesn't give me a lot of support, he gives me some kind of support and I need the support, I need the hugs that he gives me, I don't get hugs except from him, and the hugs are the only thing that sometimes help me. So I think I need him for my mental health.
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