I have nobody left by my side

[sad_watermelon]

After my breakup with my 20 months boyfriend a month ago (ended on good terms and still friends) things got worst. I found myself with no one to rely on. I am the kind of person who always feels the need to share with someone (share my joy or my sadness). My friends aren't that close to me as my boyfriend was so I couldn't do that with them, or at least not that often. So the good thing is that I still talk to my ex (because we really ended on good terms, please, don't tell me it's wrong to do this) and I can still share with him. But of course, he is a bit distant now, he doesn't reply that fast, sometimes he ignores my messages and he often uses jokes as a way to get out of serious talks (he does all of this with his friends, but never did it while we were dating). All of that is normal for him, he told me he had moved on, so I hope he really has. I realised that the only people I have are my parents now. But my parents don't help me at all. When they see me sad, they get annoyed and do comments like "ugh, what happened again" with the intonation of annoyance so I decide that i won't tell them if they ask me that way. I sometimes do share with them, but often they tell me that my feelings are caused by stupid things and I should grow up and start "living in my own world" which didn't help me at all. Speaking of that, I am a person who fell in love with hugs. I was distant with people until I found my ex boyfriend and when he started hugging me, this was my only therapy, the only thing that helped me. His kind words, his textes, his warm hugs and sweet forehead kisses were helping me a lot. I knew I had someone by my side. And now that it's no longer the same, I asked my mom for a hug, because I really needed one. She hugged me for a second, then got away and told me once again to "stop living in my own crazy world". I now feel so lonely, so lost. My parents aren't helping me, they are giving our family dog, because I will be moving away after the summer for university and they don't have the ability to take care of it because of my little brother staring school. So now they are not only giving it to some nice people who will take very good care and she'll have the life she deserves (they have sheeps and she's a border collie), but they kinda blamed me, because they say I didn't care about it enough, which isn't true... About my friends, they are all with boyfriends and pets, so when I am with them I feel kinda bad, because they talk about their cute little pets or how happy they are with their boyfriends. They start sharing their "experience in bed" as a joke for a girl talk, but as I am the only one with a "V card" I feel kinda embarrassed, not because I haven't done it, but because I have to do a medical test before I turn 20 and for it you either have to not have a "V card" or the machine will take it, and let's be honest, that won't be very comfortable for me at all. Since a kid I am different, I have had cancer 3 times since the age of 5, I have lymphedema, so I wear a big sock all over my leg, I have scars everywhere and everywhere I go, somebody gets a crush on my friends and never on me, which makes me feel worthless, ugly, not confident and all these stories together are starting to break me. I don't know what to do and how long I will be able to live like that. Please, I need your support, this is my last hope as I have no money for a therapist

[SandraAl]

Hey, sad watermelon, I'm sending you a virtual hug ad it's something that helps you. I understand how it is frustrating to be ignored or not getting the support from the people around you, and even feel shame for asking. When you have no one to rely on you know it's only you who can help yourself. I know, it's easier to say than to do. But it's possible. I know it may sound ridiculous, but try to talk to chatGPT when you need to simply let your anxiety and hard feelings out. Apart from this community, of course. It's working for me, but yeah, not all the time. But still

[Ryanlion]

Hi Sad watermelonAs you love hugs and cant get them now, i suggest you look at Youtube and put in SELF HAVENING. You may find this technique beneficial .