I want to tell my boyfriend that I have depression, but don't know how

[My_Heart_Is_Hurting]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months, and totally trust him, although he isn't super sentimental. He likes to turn everything he can into a joke. We haven't said I love you to each other yet, but I think we're getting there. BTW, I'm pretty young, so I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna marry him anytime soon. Maybe ever. Who knows? Anyways, I really feel like I need his support, but don't know how to tell him. If he gets too serious about it, I might get kind of worried, but don't want him to make one joke about it and then ignore it. Please, if you have any advice, help me. Thanks!

[Hidden]

Would I tell someone all my stuff only being 8 weeks into a relationship? Probably not, but I’m much older, older means we get wiser. I’m still outward (meaning I’ll share bits and pieces here and there) still but reserved in how much I can reveal until I’m absolutely positive of the other person. You see, having no expectations means we won’t be disappointed, but it takes years to get to that point. You are going to want a certain outcome, reaction, etc.

All this said, this is a judgement call on your part, just be okay with your choice to tell him and prepare for accepting his reaction and how he is capable of supporting you.

[My_Heart_Is_Hurting in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so so much for your wonderful (and wise) advice. It helps a lot!

[Dolphin14]

If you plan on telling him Mayb preface the discussion with "this is serious, please no joking."

I wouldn't be telling my full story this early on.

Unless he has picked up on subtle things what's the point.

That's just my opinion. Only you can make the choice based on the nature of you relationship.

[My_Heart_Is_Hurting in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you for the great advice, every opinion counts and helps!

[Dolphin14 in reply to My_Heart_Is_Hurting]

You will know what's best. My advice is to follow your heart.

[HopeforJustice]

Two months is not a very long time to really know someone. People who turn everything into a joke or sarcasm is a sign of immaturity. Just focus on you and if he really wants to know the real you, than share after about one year. A few months is nothing in the big picture of life. Please before you start having fantasies of marriage, spend at least one year together, the good times are easy, it is when there is a problem or tragedy is when someone's true colors surface. When are feeling depressed, I would not share it with him unless he truly cares about you as a person and friend. If you were not romantically involved would this person be your bestfriend. Lust and romance does not last forever. A healthy friendship is most important.

People who turn something serious topics into a joke are insecure and immature. They are disconnected with reality and cannot be trusted. If you had a medical emergency and needed him to contact your family members could you count on him. I would start having conversations about how you want to volunteer or help those who are suffering from mental illness and see how he responds. A normal person would be curious and ask you questions about this interest and/or tell you that is a great idea and want to join you in support of your passion.

Find out how he thinks about important issues before you share your life story.

Cheers

Hope

[Fumm in reply to HopeforJustice]

“People who turn everything into a joke or sarcasm is a sign of immaturity.” Thanks for that. I have some guys I consider my friends, and they are and always will be. But, perhaps they aren’t people who I will keep close in the long run.

[My_Heart_Is_Hurting in reply to HopeforJustice]

Thank you for your advice, although I agree with most of it, I feel I painted the wrong picture of him. He knows when to be serious. He just feels more comfortable in a situation when he makes others laugh. Thank you, though!

[PackerGirl]

Hi,

I agree with protecting yourself first and foremost. If you chose to disclose some of what you’re struggling with, I would lead with the fact that you’d like to have a serious conversation and would appreciate no jokes being made. Then, perhaps summarize what your struggles have been but framed by what your needs are. You have the right to have your emotional and cognitive needs met and if he can’t deal with the “introduction” to your illness then he’s not the guy for you in the long run. This is my opinion, hope it helps! Stay strong!! ❤️💚💛💙

[My_Heart_Is_Hurting in reply to PackerGirl]

Thank you so much for your advice, it really helps!

[Hidden]

Don't tell him until you feel comfortable with it. And remember, just because you are in a relationship, doesn't mean you have to tell him everything, at least not right now. Wait until the time feels right.

[My_Heart_Is_Hurting in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your advice, I totally agree. Thanks!

[Hidden in reply to My_Heart_Is_Hurting]

Your welcome! 😊

[dragonfly76]

I told my husband of 18 years that I suffered from depression even before we were dating. We were just going out to get to know each other with no commitment. But that's the type of person I am, I like to be honest so that I know if he was with me for who I am. I knew my husband since grade 9 but we never dated before only when I finished College. I never thought he was going to be the one since I saw him as a friend. Right from the beginning I felt he was the one, we were always together after work and we would go out all the time with each other. After dating for a year he wanted to ask me to marry him but my sister told him he was crazy so he gave me a commitment ring instead of the engagement ring. We dated for 3 years and been marriage for 18 years. He is my best friend and we tell each other everything and that's the way I always wanted in a relationship. I grew up with my parents fighting all the time because of things my mother wouldn't say to my dad and lies. If he likes you he will stick around, you want someone that loves you for who you are. This was my situation over 20 years ago but you have to do what feels right to you. All the best.

[My_Heart_Is_Hurting]

Thanks so much for your encouragement, it really helps! I'm so glad that you're in a great relationship!

[dragonfly76 in reply to My_Heart_Is_Hurting]

Thank you, follow your heart when the right person comes along you will know. Just remember, you deserve the best and don't except less than that. Best of luck!

[Poodie]

Hi My Heart.

I think I responded to you before but I am clearer now about your question. I think you need to wait and see.

I grew up with a sibling who was always making jokes about everything, sometimes being bitingly sarcastic. Mostly very funny, but I still found it got on my nerves and I definitely did not like it being directed towards others.

This sibling changed. Still funny but matured and can also be serious now, minus any trace of biting sarcasm. I think it was a defense and a way to avoid feeling.

You never know what kind of relationship will evolve between two people until much more time has passed.

There are probably many things you like about your bf. You did say he can be serious. No one is perfect. Let it evolve and get support for your depression where you can. I believe that therapy can be helpful.

I read all these responses and found myself agreeing with each one. There are no sure answers even though we may want them. Sometimes we take a chance on someone and it turns out well. Other times we take a chance and we get hurt. It is just part of life. We have no choice but to live and hopefully learn.

I agree, in time, you will figure this out !

Good luck