Depressed, alone, have no one and my boyfriend left me, I hate myself and life and have absolutely no one. Please help

It's been a few days since my boyfriend left me and I'm trying so so hard to hold on but I can't. He left me because my depression and anxiety was to much for him and I was and still am suicidal. I have no friends, no family, my dads been an alcoholic ever since my mom passed away. I hate myself, my body, my life, and now it's hard to even do anything because I just break down crying so much because I miss my ex so so much. I don't know what to do, I've been working out and trying to work but I end up crying at the gym and when I'm working, I was going to kill myself the day my boyfriend left me, but something in my head just told me to hold on , but now I'm just thinking maybe it's better to just leave this life it's not like I have anyone that would miss me and my ex would probably be happy if I did so.i need some insight or something some kind of help, I've gone through so much hell and still am after years and years and my boyfriend leaving me is just setting me to that end point. I have so much anger, anxiety, I'm just a mess and always have been.i wanted my kids and life with my ex and now that was torn away from me as well as my mom and my family and my dad. I was also abused years ago physically, bullied at school my whole life and still now, my dad had tried killing himself as well five times two years ago and he has ptsd, people left me for dead and I just can't take the trauma anymore. This website is really helpful though and supportive.

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  • Please don't hurt yourself. I'm sorry you're hurting so much right now. I don't know how old you are, but my daughter became very depressed recently and was diagnosed with OCD. It took some searching to find her the help she needs. In think we are on the right track most days, now, but not all. It's a day at a time, at most.

    Can you reach out to someone here here who can help you find resources for counseling? Life is worth living, even though you might not feel that way now. Please call a crisis hotline and let them know what is going on.

  • Thanks so much for the help and response and I hope everything is going well with your daughter. This website has been helping me cope with everything, everyone is so helpful and I know I'm not alone. I just made my profile so I don't have many friends on here personally. I've been trying to distract myself but I know it can only last so long until I break down bad.

  • Jessica, I just suffered a relationship crisis myself in the last few weeks and put myself into tremendous anxiety that causes heart problems, literally! Not being able to breath gets your attention in a hurry and shows you just what is really important NOW. I am also alone without family for support and my few friends just don't understand. I hope this helps you - I comfort or self sooth myself with "this too shall pass". It's only how I feel at the moment. Not who I am. When I get distracted my mind goes elsewhere for awhile and the pain and anxiety subsides. Just because I think something is so, does not make it the truth, especially if if has not actually happened yet. Calling the Suicide hotline for your state is something you should consider. There are medications that will help you also. Have you spoken to a doctor?

    It gets better with time. I am getting older now with physical problems that handicap me from who I use to be, making myself feel foreign to myself. This is very hard for me to accept. I wonder how many relationship do overs do I have left in me ? But I am not giving up and neither should you. We all should learn from past relationships and who we pick to connect with. Sometimes we need better picker radar.

    We adapt, improvise and overcome as we use to say in the Marine Corps.

  • Thanks so much for the reply and helpful insight, I've been repeating the things you said to myself today, that everything will pass and it's a phase and one day I'll get better and feel happy again . I'm so sorry for your anxiety and break up I wish I could help, but you're doing so good and it inspires me to keep my head up and just get through the motions of life right now. Also thank you for your service. I've been on antidepressants since first grade because I had separation anxiety from my mother because I was always so scared of something happening to her. Than a few years later she developed breast cancer repeatedly and than it turned terminal and before I knew it I was watching her die in a hospital bed. I had stopped taking the meds for a while because I wanted to feel in control, but I just started taking them again. But everything reminds me of my ex and it feels like the little tiny happiness I had left is totally gone and I get so low more than I've been in a while. Plus my dad is a raging alcoholic and it's so frustrating, everything is a problem to him and when he gets angry he is crazy.

  • Jes, some people in our life are toxic and that is the only dance they know, like your dad. We need to distance ourselves from people who are beyond their expiration date I say! It's the little things that I often find pleasure in and always my cats make me laugh. The further I get from my last relationship the better I feel but it takes so damn long to feel a little bit of content and peaceful. That means we're human. It is humbling I know.

    I was long ago abandoned by my parents and should have been in jail or dead by now since I dropped out of H.S. and joined the Marine Corps. Now I have a degree and did very well. *You would not have seen that for me back some years ago but being determined was all I had to work with. Failure was not an option as I had nowhere else to turn. But I overcame and live a good life even though I have almost no childhood memories that were not full of chaos. Stay safe and the storm passes. It always does.

  • Hello,

    I really understand what you are going through. My boyfriend recently left me again because of my anxiety disorder. But he has his own demons.

    I feel so bad for you and how sad and alone you feel. I so understand.

    Rejection is God's Protection!

  • Jessica,

    Everyone's advice here is excellent. I wonder if you have tried AL-ANON Support Groups.

    I joined AL-ANON Adult Children Of Alcoholics years ago and it was the one thing that helped me the most!

    I've been in therapy, with various therapists over the years and am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds but those ACOA groups worked best for me!

    Plus, I made some friends within the groups. I am sad that a lot of these groups have since closed in my area.

    Hope this helps a bit.

    Take care and keep it One Day At A Time or even One Minute At A Time.

    MJ

  • You have had so much to cope with. I think you should see your doctor and ask for help. They can refer you for professional help and these people care.

    I recently had a nervous breakdown and a lot of the past came flooding out. I moved home and next thing I was at the hospital. I am making progress slowly and I get times when I slip backwards but I get forward a little bit again.

    Things will improve with time and help. My sister is only interested in keeping in touch by email and only lives thirty miles away. I have a nasty brother and a daughter who can't see past herself. I have no family support.

    I do have a wonderful son and a great partner who doesn't live with me because of work commitments but stays when he can.

    I feel completely alone inside a lot of the time. I Got screaming tinnitus along with the breakdown and trying to get that down. Audiologist said long term stress is the cause and we are trying to reduce the noise with time.

    Please try your doctor or getting in touch with groups who will help.

    You're a valuable human being who hurts. That's not even a strong enough word.

    I care and so do the others who have posted to you.

  • I feel im a ghost,i can always find beauty in people such as yourself,but i dont see it inside myself,i hope you will feel better soon i too have had my heart broken many times,i find trust hard now and cant be close to my girlfriend or the fear i will be broken again,hope you will find peace x

  • Hi, that's great that you have found a support system by posting how you feel and your experiences. Thanks for sharing. You may want to seek professional help to start your healing processes.

  • ...and give yourself credit for reaching out to a support group.

  • I kind of understand how you feel, I mean I haven't gone through what you have but just feeling like the world is in a constant motion and you're stuck in place until you get your shit together? I want to believe it gets better. And I hope for your sake that it does.

    Keep hanging on, because when it does get better, you won't want to miss that wonderful chance at living life to the fullest. Also, props to you for continuing to go to the gym. Clearly you're still trying to live your life and get past this. And if your ex wasn't man enough to handle your dark side, he really isn't worth the worry. We all have a dark side, and if someone loves us they will be able to handle it. Wait for that guy who CAN and WILL handle it, because he'll be great.

  • Also, you're really pretty BTW ;-) just saying

  • I actually grew up in abused home. My father abused me when I was young. After my parents divorced, my brother verbal and physical abuse me. My father physically and emotional abuse me. I did not have a lot of friends ever since high school. Now I am in university graduating soon.

  • Sorry to hear you are having so many negative thoughts. You had bad experiences and yes they shape our thinking.

    Your dad has ptsd and he's suicidal and depressed - you need to help him - have him see a specialist please. I know you must miss your mother a lot. That can never be replaced. Sorry to hear that.

    Second, I'm reading a lot of negative tone you have for yourself. Negative talk, negative thinking brings more negative in life. Say to yourself you are strong, you have come so far in life - just to give it all up for some man who left you? You need to understand - each and every person has a right to leave in a relationship. You have no power over anyone. So let it be. When someone leaves you - it's for your better because if they left - it means they don't love you enough so it's better they are gone. You will find love but please start loving yourself first. Love yourself first - only then continue with new relationship. First step is to talk positive to yourself in the mirror. Never blame yourself. What is done is done - you cannot change it. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat your mistakes. Live in the present. Think positive. Mind will bring negative thoughts, it's normal since you have been through so much. But remember you control the mind, mind cannot control you.

    If you don't love yourself - how do u expect others to love you? Start loving yourself. Say 3 things good about yourself daily:)

  • This was posted five months ago, but I wanted to reply. One of my best friends (actually a sibling) pretty much abandoned me recently, so I was pretty upset about that, but then when I needed support my other best friend (also a sibling) just simply wouldn't hang out with me. I've realized that probably no one is entirely trustable, and I should be so easily fooled into thinking people are good when they aren't. And now I'm really, really alone because I don't really know anyone else. I wouldn't commit suicide though because I know at the very least my mom and cat need me (you can just tell with those two, even if they are very annoying sometimes). Anyway, people like us should stick together, or at least get some friends. It's just nice to know there are people who understand you.

    (I also start crying whenever I think very hard about things I'm upset about. But hey, I can control it now and I no longer cry every single day [all day].)

  • Just want to say hi and I am thinking of you.

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