i seriously feel like crying 24/7. i wake up and i want to cry till i fall asleep

[Against_the_current]

What's wrong with me? How do i fix it? I'm too broke for a therapist and my health insurance is running out for a psychiatrist and also idk if i can bear new meds and how to tell my parents i need to visit a psychiatrist and buy new meds and will be weird and to whom to go. There used to be a cite where doctors would appear and i could book a session but it shows no psychiatrist in my city

[PuzzleArt]

I think you sound lonely. Loneliness can make you sad, and this is not because there is something wrong with you. In fact, it is the right reaction. But how can you deal with the strong negative feelings? I believe ( just an opinion) that you are so devastated by the feeling of being alone, that you are constantly trying to solve the void by filling it with other people, whoever is around you, and actions or events. The company chosen out of desperation is not working, the constant impulsive activities to fill the void are not working. I think it is because there is no simple answer, and whatever you decide to do, and whoever you decide to cling to will not have the immediate results you crave. That is because whatever decision you make will have a good side, and also a bad side. You have to learn to stay with one decision long enough to learn something. It will be something that fits you and your life and your personality......not someone else's. There is physical pain and there is mental pain in this world. If you want to be your own doctor, you will have to go straight through the pain and endure it. And eventually cone out through the other side. It might help to try to envision your higher power that you really have in this world. You were not left alone. The higher power cannot be seen with the physical eyes. You can reach it through spiritual eyes. I don't mean magic and hocus pocus. You can learn a lot in the Bible, a book that knows more about you than you do about yourself. And only you can find it and understand it. Don't depend on someone else's interpretation. You have the intellect needed to figure it out. It is not necessarily about going to church, or being "religious". If you try to read it, you can let me know what it is you think is too "far-fetched" or confusing......only what you actually read....not what someone else has told you that you have to do, or believe.

[Against_the_current in reply to PuzzleArt]

I'm alone indeed. My therapists hurt me by saying that my parents abandoning me as a baby, then abandoning me through the divorce and dad leaving and having another child and mom escaping in alchol, i felt rejected and abandoned. Then i started seeking someone. I didn't really have friends. Now i don't have friends. I have nobody to go out with. And my ex abandoning me "was the final hit, one more stroke in my weak spot". I'm alone and empty

[Desperate4Happiness]

Perhaps there are mental health services in Bulgaria that offer sliding fee scale? Eirene Counseling in Bulgaria seems to fit this category based on a quick online search. I hope this helps.

[Against_the_current in reply to Desperate4Happiness]

Thanks

[SoporRose]

This part of what PuzzleArt wrote makes so much sense: “I believe ( just an opinion) that you are so devastated by the feeling of being alone, that you are constantly trying to solve the void by filling it with other people, whoever is around you, and actions or events. The company chosen out of desperation is not working, the constant impulsive activities to fill the void are not working. I think it is because there is no simple answer, and whatever you decide to do, and whoever you decide to cling to will not have the immediate results you crave. That is because whatever decision you make will have a good side, and also a bad side.”

You have shown that you can rise above your pain to shine in school. I believe you will find your way forward.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Yeah. The problem is school is over. It's true. I'm alone as hell and i chose the wrong company like uou can see in the reply to PuzzleArt. I don't actually think there's right people

[SoporRose]

My point was that, since you managed to be an outstanding student, I believe you can find a way to shine in a job or at a volunteer position or whatever you decide to do. I have faith in you.