I feel like crying all the time

[littleorange8]

Hi everyone. Recently, I have been more depressed than usual and had many bad thoughts (ie. when i heard about a shooting, i wished i took the place of one of the victims so someone's life could be spared and i can leave all this pain).

Now, it's gotten to the point where I feel like I need to control my thoughts VERY hard to keep sad thoughts out of my mind or I could break down crying at any point. For example, I had a study group today and I tried very hard to ONLY focus on the study material, but my thoughts went to a past memory of my boyfriend cheating on me, and I teared up and had to rush to the washroom.

I feel so embarrassed and it's so difficult to get through every day. Please give me advice on what to do.

[Hidden]

Hello! How long have you been experiencing these negative thoughts? I often have horrific thoughts too that will put me into a place that causes me to shut people out and cry and wish so hard to have a different life. It became too much for me to handle and my doctor decided to put me on Sertraline. I’ve been on it for a month now and I do see that it’s helping me.

[littleorange8 in reply to Hidden]

i've been having it for a month now.

[Hidden in reply to littleorange8]

Is there anyone you turn to for help? Like even just someone to listen to your feelings? I don’t know if it’s the person I am but I have to get my feelings out. If I hold them in things just get soooo much worse.

[Orangeblossom85]

I really hope Little Orange that you’re gonna leave every single thing that makes you sad. You deserve better. And there is way too much that makes you suffer !!

[gogogirl]

Please do not say you wished to take the place of a shooting victim. Imagine the families and friends of these people and the suffering they endure. Have you seen your doctor? Also, perhaps you could look up a group like NAMI or Recovery learning. Sometimes negative thoughts do take place- it's part of life. Be kind to yourself. You were in a study group- so it sounds like you have goals for yourself. Also, try doing something that you enjoy like breathing in the fresh air, or looking at nature. Do you have family/friends to support you?

[Bug13]

Little Orange, You are not alone. Depression can be so debilitating. The thoughts that race through our heads can literally kill us. Staying "focused" is such a difficult task when you get a negative thought spinning around. Perhaps calling someone you trust. Telling them that you just need to get it off your chest. There are times that I don't like myself therefore I don't want to tell anyone my struggles, but isolation leads to more depression and anxiety. I am struggling now with turning to alcohol for the numbing affect. I know it's not the answer but I don't have good coping skills. I need to work on that with a therapist. Hang in there. Speak up. Look for a meeting through DBSA. They are open and welcoming. It helps to know you are not alone.