I feel like i want to cry

[Against_the_current]

I feel so terrible. He isn't talking to me, i'm here and sis is growing up and my rabbit is getting older, my guts hurt, i'm lonely and scared, i can't study or clean because i'm not okay physically or mentally, i feel like everyone is mad at me and like i need support, like lonely and scared of ppl at the same time

[Bill181]

❤ hang in there hun don't give up he will come around he does everything he loves u

[Hidden]

Hey there. It'll be okay. Honest it will. It sounds like everything is hitting you all at once. It really sucks, doesn't it? Take some deep breaths. What do you like to do for yourself? How have you handled things when you've felt like this before? The reason I ask is because I remember my psychiatrist asking me this. When I would get into a bad place it would always feel like the first time. As if that wasn't enough, I seemed so frozen that I wouldn't remember that I had gotten through it before. By reminding me that I've gotten through hard times before, my psychiatrist snapped me out of my hyperaroused emotional state and started me thinking. I pass this onto you.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. I really can't recall how it happened. Rn paniced so much that i called mom and she was rude and i'm panicing more

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

I get it. Be kind to yourself. You're safe.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, i need it. I'm scared If i'm not safe and If mom is mad at me. Or my roommates gonna be mad at me that i can't do chores rn (they don't know i'm sick, they're at work)

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

I unfortunately get that too. If someone I give so much power to over me is upset with/mad at me, I don’t feel safe. I don’t feel safe until the "drama" is over and I know for sure that they aren’t mad at me anymore. I'm going through it now (and have been since December...). I'm learning the hard way that there are those in the world who just aren't ever going to be nice no matter what we do. The fact that it damages us so much I believe has to do with our own shaky sense of self/unclear definition of who we are. If we aren't able to stand firm in who we are, we are easily swayed by outsiders' opinions of that. It could even be totally wrong, but that doesn't matter. Who does your gut say you are? Hold onto that.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Yeah. I have this issue. With mom hating me, this guy. I don't feel safe. Probably i don't like myself enough. Or probably i feel unsave and rejected. Or all. My guts is sick rn but i think it's telling me i'm too fearful

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

I hope you feel better really soon. I know it's hard. Hang in there.

[Survivor1687]

((hugs))

[Against_the_current in reply to Survivor1687]

Hugs

[yello123]

First of all you are going to be o.k. but is the most horrible time in someones life to feel like you are all alone and everything is closing in on you. I remember it like it was yesterday when actually it was 25 years ago. Reach out and talk to someone you trust. Tell them how horrible it is and ask if they would mind being your emotional support person because you trust and respect them. I started with a lot of the same things you are going through. Start with a psychologist. I was too proud and tried to do it on my own but you can get.help. Knowing you have someone to talk to. You can teladoc. My visits are $40 copay. Be sure your insurance covers the Doctor you select. It is so helpful to have a 3rd party to talk to.

[Against_the_current in reply to yello123]

Thanks. And i do talk to a doctor and a psychologist but i don't feel they help because everyone tells me to see a psychologist. I'm suffering because of needing of support

[yello123]

Let me try some more ideas with you. Sorry I had to cut the last message short as my mom had a tornado hit during the night and she was trying to deal with it all. ( He isn't talking to me.) Totally relate only in my situation everything he says to me is evil. Putting me down for everything I say and do including opening a pie box on the wrong end. Some of these actions are childish and they are pouting but if it continues like in my case for the 34 years of marriage I finally realized it was actually a form of Abuse. It can make you feel like you are not worth a dang and it really beats you down. I moved to Florida for 13 years and moved away from every one and everything that was important to me because it is what he wanted.Including my sister who always had a special bond with me. She is a phone call away and we actually just started talking again when I got sick. My Dog and cat I took with to Florida both died while we lived there. They were really the only thing I had left that made

me feel whole. Animals have a way of making us feel so special and loved. Try to think of

it this way. Instead of my rabbit is getting older use different words like My rabbit is so sweet and I am so lucky he/she is in my life. Lonley and scared. Recently I was diagnosed with Cervical Dystonia in Florida. It scared me to the core and I had no one in my circle to help me through it, while my husbands nasty remarks and lack of compassion made me feel as If I was totally alone. Physically and mentally as this happened 3 years ago and I am now age 61 I had everything taken from me that brought me happiness. I can no longer drive or work and some days while I am trying to recover all I can do is wash a few dishes, maybe wash a load of clothes and brush my teeth but realize now that thats ok. There are no rules as to how much you have to accomplish in a day. No one likes me. I worked 4 jobs while I was in Florida and every job I had there were always nasty people who made me feel like they were mad at me and everything I did. This added to my husbands nasty attitude and I started to feel as if everything I said and did was wrong. Since I got my dystonia I decided in the middle of it all to leave Florida when my sister came to visit. I have been in Nebraska

with my family and have found it so hard to leave the appartment because of what people are going to say about me because of the way my head is locked down and to the left. I actually have a horrible fobia of going anywhere by myself. I am going to continue this post in a little bit as I need to get a glass of H20.

[yello123 in reply to yello123]

The take away I have found through all this is that Life is so Hard sometimes. Life changes every day and my heart and soul go out to you and I understand how alone and afraid you feel. I am new to this website but would totally feel great if you would continue to write to me and I will return the favor. One of the most important things I have on this journey is that you need friends you can talk to who really care about you and have had similar things happen, who will not judge you but will listen to what you need to say and know that we can connect online if we need that one person in that one desperate minute because you are not alone. Today can start anew for you if you take things one step and one day at a time which is how I am living at age 61. Everything does not get better in a day but every day can bring a little more sunshine. Call your sister, hug your bunny and tell yourself every day that you are going to be ok.

[Against_the_current in reply to yello123]

Thanks for sharing and being here. My bunny is away. That's why i worry because he's away and i'm not there. I see life is hard. Sorry for the dissosiated response, i'm just feeling a lot of pain because of a nightmare of my mom i had. Thank you for being here

[yello123 in reply to Against_the_current]

My cat is also away from me in Florida but I am calm in knowing he is with someone who is taking good care of him. Alot of people tend to take better care of animals than humans. Your bunny will be fine so now focus on yourself. Your letter was everything you have been feeling but in no way is any of this a dissociated response. Don't ever feel like a burden. This is where we go to reach out to others who care.

[Against_the_current in reply to yello123]

Thanks, i needed this

[yello123]

Hope things are going a bit better for you today. I have decided life is a great big roller coaster ride. Some days you feel so great that you feel like you can almost touch the stars and the next day can take a sudden dip. Remember when you get to the end of the ride things always even out.

[Against_the_current in reply to yello123]

Thanks, it's important to remember this. Rn i'm struggling. I woke up with tahicardia again, i feel bad about myself, scared, alone, confused, not knowing what therapist to go to. Overwhelmed and dissosiated. Thanks for reminding me it gets better

[yello123]

Me too. I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. Crying right now as I too feel alone, scared, and so tired. I am trying to wean off an antidepresent, and my Insurance company made me try a different medication for my Cervical Dystonia. The side effects have been awful. Guess it's time to jump back on the rollercoaster and go for another ride. When you find a therapist be sure you have a connection and feel they can help you. If you don't feel the connection then find someone else.

[Against_the_current in reply to yello123]

I'm crying rn too. Firstable sending hugs, you're through a lot too. Second since 3 hours i'm crying and had therapy and i want it to end but my therapist isn't letting me. I'm crying and feeling like i can't find myself a therapist or get better and that my roommate heard me and thinks i'm a psychopath, i want a therapist at an office at least and i zoned out rn and forgot what im writing and i'm shivering and aching

[yello123]

Check with your insurance company and see which therapists are in your network. You have every right to switch therapists any time. Sometimes a new perspective is very helpful. You can also have two therapists. Your roommate is way off the mark. You are suffering from other things that are dibilitating. I am also shivering and crying at this moment. My medications sometimes mess with me and I just try to meditate and ride it out. You got this. Take some deep breaths, get some rest and start over. I use the reset button a lot. Count backwards from 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Then say the word Off.It is like a remote control or a computer. Shut it down for awhile and go back to everything else later.

[Against_the_current in reply to yello123]

I really need this

[yello123]

I n eed this too. It is so good to know I can talk to you without being judged and we can try to lean on each other. Done crying for now. Fighting with my Insc Co cuz they are telling me they are not going to cover my last 3 botox injections. The total is $12,000.00 Talk about a body shock. I can maybe get help with financial assistance but will still have to pay a portion of it. They say my condition is not a medical necessity. Wow. The world is so money hungry that the put money ahead of people. i will have to set up a payment plan. There are so many setbacks in life but when you feel like we do it can make things feel so much worse. I went for a walk today, sat in the grass with my bare feet on the ground. Stayed outside for an hour. The fresh air really helped clear my head. Hate sitting inside and feeling trapped.Keep the emails coming and I will too. On the deck swing right now. Wish I could live out here. No worries. Just blue sky, clouds and the birds and bunnies.

[Against_the_current in reply to yello123]

I feel you and i'm sorry. Struggling with paying for my Treatment and suffering over the health system here not admiting anxiety as a real illness and not giving me chance to visit a sanatorium or count as sick or nothing. I'm sorry, hope it gets better. You're so strong

[yello123 in reply to Against_the_current]

You are also strong. Everyday is an adventure and it it so hard to balance it all. Especially in our heads. Something very small and simple to some people can be extra hard for us to muddle through. I did find a really awesome meditation video and it helps me remember to take deep breaths, close my eyes and listen to the sounds around me, (birds, the wind blowing in the trees) notice the smells (flowers, fresh mowed grass, rain coming) and then to open my eyes and look around me and find things that bring me peace (clouds, bright colors,) and to go outside every day for half an hour to an hour to help clear the mind and get away from computers, TV and chores. I too find it so sad that our health system is not our Doctor and has no Idea how some of us suffer. It is so easy for them to sit back and say we don't matter. So glad I found this website to see we are not alone. Hope you also feel better and stronger every day knowing inspite of everything we are feeling we don't give up.

[Against_the_current in reply to yello123]

Thanks for your words

[yello123]

Anytime