Advice for depressed husband

[Willow2022]

Need advice everyone. As I battle my own depression I see more and more signs my husband is depressed and suffers from anxiety as well. Important notes:

-Middle aged, has horrible knees and may be looking at knee replacement

- Knee issues have caused slowing of exercise and weight gain

- Very upset he cannot do any sports as he has done all his life and even with a knee replacement he won’t be able to

- All of this plus retiring from the military and getting a job as a civilian has him feeling “less than”

I am struggling to find the right words of encouragement while trying to take care of myself. I really really think he needs therapy and maybe meds for anxiety (barely sleeps) but he refuses. I think he feels his whole wonderful youth is behind him and nothing good is on the horizon. Another layer of difficulty is he is very sentimental about “the good old days” and I am not so relating to him is even harder.

Has anyone experienced something similar while dealing with their own mental health? If so, I would love to hear from you.

Thanks 💜

[LoveforAll41]

Howdy Willow, I am sorry that you are dealing with your hubby's depression on top of yours. We are all on our own journey and it is nearly impossible to get others to therapy I think, unless they just about cease to function. I love therapy and am all for it, but I feel like there always has to be some personal trigger for people to go.

I feel like the military does have great resources now and maybe looking up some Jocko Willink podcasts or other podcasts to share with him about other military members working on mental health would help.

I have had debilitating achilles pain for the past 5 or so years and I really get down about it sometimes. It is really hard not being able to do what we used to.

It is hard to lose things that we derive our self-worth from as well. It is vital I think to learn that we have worth even without doing or being things. I love Dr David Burns work on this and the book "Feeling Great" as well as the Feeling Good podcast.

I am sorry that you have the emotions to get through for yourself as well as your husband. I think the best support we can give is empathy, and that may be one plus of your own depression, that you know what it feels like. I wish you both peace in your journey☮️

p.s. I forgot to mention a trainer that I love that is all about knee mobility and strength and hopefully preventing surgeries: youtu.be/Jwu8f42rLuI?si=Bbb...(Not working as expected?)