For 10 years of marriage I kept thinking I could make him happy. The result is me losing myself and losing any support system I had or could have had.
I care about him and want the best for him. I want him to be happy. It's just not possible with me. I've realized I can't even be myself around him because it stresses him out.
He wants us to just be a happy family. He doesn't want to separate. Codependency is comfortable for him. It's driving me into deep depression.
I feel like I've been giving my all to pull him out of a deep, muddy hole, to the point of actually getting down in there and pushing him above me up to the surface . Yet he puts in very little effort, moping all the way, like he'd rather just stay in the hole. I get him to where he can sit on the edge of the hole, but he doesn't try to stand up. Now I'm in the hole. No one can see me anymore, no one knows I'm here. No one is reaching down for me either. When I try to climb out, I can't get past his feet. They are dangling in the hole. He's not moving up. And he's in my way of climbing out. And if I somehow got out, he'd fall back in and everyone would say "Why'd you leave him to fall in that hole? Where have you been? We've seen him on the edge of that hole for so long! And we didn't see you even trying to get him away from that hole. You have done nothing to help him. We'll get him out and as punishment you deserve to be in the hole instead."