ODed, Bipolar with anxiety and depression, 2 special needs sons, abusive husband divorcing me

[Lain599]

just came home just came home 3 weeks ago and I have no idea what I'm doing. I am 54 and I have such despair over even keeping the small house that we have. I don't feel very good about myself... Plus if I call crisis lines eyes feel like I'm not important and they hang up on me four more important people

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry you got hung up on Lain....but I don't think it was because there were other people more important....I do know they need to sometimes refer those that are threatening self harm immediately...but your pain and situation is valid and you are in crisis as well...don't give up....please share about it here....I'm sorry it's been so long since you got a response, as I know people here are kind and caring.

[Lain599 in reply to fauxartist]

It was just some bad times. My husband went out for the evening/morning and I talked to the boys. I had pushed them away due to fact I felt toxic. (My husband was calling me 'crazy' and saying he would take the boys and house and I should leave! (Later, he would kick them out.)

So, as I mentioned the boys and I had a long talk. My eldest was late, as he left to lunar golf to celebrate his new job position.

My husband had convinced my eldest that he did not have autism and was not bipolar1 ...my son will not take his meds now. Admittedly, he is hallucinating and delusional but in a positive, compartmentalized way. He is high functioning. He still has Asperger Syndrome. So, we misunderstand each other.

At 2, (in the morning,) I wrote a long letter to them. We had sorted the misunderstandings out. It was mainly my husband's doing. He almost convinced me to die. Almost, but not this time. He lives here 24/7 for 2 months. It is truly poisonous and nasty but when he leaves, I discovered, he no longer pays the bills. Somebody important told me I kept the health insurance but my memory is quite bad. I forgot who.

So...in short , today WAS much better. I went to DARS. She is looking into helping me get my certificates in computers and a job. Lifeline called me, by the way. They were calling to see if I was okay.

[gogogirl in reply to Lain599]

What is DARS?

[Lain599 in reply to gogogirl]

Texas Workforce to help people with disabilities.

[Hidden]

Hi Lain and welcome to the best community on the planet!

I just want you to know that you are not alone. My daughter and I have Bipolar Disorder, and my son is autistic. It is not an easy life, but I don't think anyone has an easy life. When we are stable, life is much better.

I was going through a divorce a few years ago, and at that time I had not been diagnosed. I was caring for my mother in my home, working full-time, and going to school at night. Let's just say I was in hypomanic mode because there is no way I could have gotten through it if I were stable. There were so many emotions all the time and I really wasn't aware of what was going on. I just knew that I had to get through it.

You reached out for help. I am sorry that you had a very bad experience. Are you seeing a doctor and/or a therapist? Are you safe? You need to be safe in order to move forward and work on yourself. We have to be in a good or decent place both mentally and physically in order to care for ourselves and family. Never stop believing in yourself. You are stronger than you think. Work on building yourself up. A few years ago, I was into self-help books and anything I could find online.

We have to find the inner-strength to pull ourselves up somehow. You can do this.

Many Blessings!

[Lain599 in reply to Hidden]

Wow again! How did you do all of that?! You are incredibly amazing! I admit I have no self esteem, and also, no 'support system.' I find it difficult to believe in myself when all around me I have nay Sayers.

[Hidden in reply to Lain599]

Hypomania turned me into somewhat of a superwoman.

When you are ready, you will ignore the nay sayers, Believe in yourself. I have always kept uplifting and inspirational quotes near me. I have them posted in my bathroom, bedroom, in my office, and I place them in my purse sometimes.

You can do this.

[Lain599 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks! So far quotes really are so alien to me that I get depressed. My kids repeat what I have always said to them:"You are safe. You are loved." That really helps.

[Hidden in reply to Lain599]

I love that your kids say those things to you! You just need to make sure they feel safe and secure as well.

[Hidden]

Im so sorry you’re going through this rough time Lian599 😔. Please don’t feel that you are not as important as anyone else... you are!

Im glad you’ve found us here with plenty of caring people who will let you voice out your thoughts and work through them

Best wishes

[Lain599 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks! I have always apologized for existing ans no doubt, sullying earth by being here...ruining and polluting because I have always, always been told so.

I am going to fight this feeling and also, those that fostered it in my breast. I so hope this IS a good place and private. Definitely, no Google spying.

[Lain599]

Thank you so much. I usually have no privacy but he took off to his friend for a while.

Today was a terrible day. I felt such lack of worth that I wished to die again. Plus, my husband announced he would not be paying any support, that I would lose my health insurance...Since I could not afford to keep the home and kids, why do I not move out and let him have the kids and house.

I was okay this morning but when I asked the kids for help with chores they balked and said no. Then I was told I was crazy because I snapped at my eldest son and cried.

He left to celebrate his job promotion for 3 hours. Luckily, my youngest stayed and I was not alone with my snake of a husband.

I am attempting to make dinner but I feel unwell.

[grace4ever]

I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I think that you already know the answers and what you need to do now. I want to tell you that even in the deepest darkness there’s always hope. Please do not feel that you are not important. Sometimes you have to hold on until they give you an agent to talk with. Remember that you are valuable and worthy person. Although I’ve never been in an abusive situation, I had a friend who was. The biggest thing you have to know is that there are so many people who can help you get out! Lack of money, belongings, or a job are not hindrances and they can help you work through that. Even if you do not consider to go to a shelter, please I encourage you to think about it that you can find a place that you are safe and can get assistance that you and your sons need in these moments. I leave you the link National Organization for Victim Assistance (NOVA): trynova.org , 24-hour crisis hotline [phone] or The National Domestic Violence Hotline - thehotline.org/. You have options! Please do not give up! Hang it there! If you’re in immediate danger - call 911! You are not alone. If not, consider communicating with a local shelter and getting their help! This list-ly are great but may be extremely relevant for what you’re going through: list.ly/list/1CE4-looking-u..., . list.ly/list/1ezh-finding-y..... I will keep you in my prayers that you find safety, my friend! .-keep us posted, OK?