I dont want to approach the subject with my husband, it makes his depression worse.

He is a sweet , loving, funny and hardworking man on his good days. The other days that turn into weeks and months he sleeps all day, hardly speaks, doesn't leave the house and has no emotions. I want to help him and I want to help myself. I know we can get through this together yet I see more bad days then good and I have even begun to take on his moods. Is there anyone out there that knows what this is like or what I can do ? Please ...

[Hidden]

Hello Southern!

I’m southern too! The only thing I have is that you really can’t help him. He has to do it himself. But just as he’s responsible for his moods, so are you responsible for yours. Find your happiness regardless of his mood. I don’t think you should spend your life going up and down with his moods. Make and live your own happiness! You could be a shining example for him if he’s paying attention! Live your life!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I am working towards an understanding with myself about all of this. I am a fixer, a helper of sorts and I think I can fix him. I know this is not the case , I just dont like to feel his sadness.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement!

[hypercat54]

Hi well the obvious first question to ask is whether he is getting any medical help. If not he needs to see his doctor. Depression/anxiety can be helped a great deal by getting some medical help. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

He is taking medication and that has helped a little. I hope we can take the next step and get to a counselor. Thank you for responding and your suggestions.

[TheEraOfSarah]

Maybe you could suggest y’all go to couples counseling. My boyfriend and I went when I was really depressed and it was taking a toll on him. Not only did it help him, but it introduced me to a counselor who I then began to see alone for my depression. It was a good gateway to getting me the help I needed because I didn’t have to go alone at first. Plus, it can help you too!

[Hidden in reply to TheEraOfSarah]

Thank you so much for replying. I appreciate your support and suggestions

[fauxartist]

yes...he sounds like he has depression....and you cannot fix him. He has to make the choice to get help. And unfortunately it's out of your hands. But dragging yourself down with the ship helps no one....especially you. It's great he's such a wonderful guy when he is not depressed on those few good days.....but the majority of the time he is and that's no way to live....for either of you. You need to get help as much as he does to learn how to cope with someone with this disease if you plan on going for the long haul.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Yes you are so correct! Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. I am taking the steps to get us to a counselor. We are in it for the long haul, for better or worse, sickness and health.

[vinman12]

I'm this guy but getting help, there are days I'm perfect then there are the long periods when I'm not, we can't help this feeling all the time and in our minds we want to be left alone we don't want to talk with anyone about it nor do we even have the slightest interest to go out and socialize and pretend where ok that's just not the case, we struggle to be around others and we keep to our selfes. It's awful I hate being like this, but just know we don't want to hurt others or bring them down we don't know where doing it. I would seek help for him tho it will over time help a little or allot it all depends on what drives it. I can say that by leaning on him about it everyday will make him feel worse, we rather not be that guy in the room it's very uncomfortable and pains us. Just take it slowly. Hope this helps as I am the same way .

[Hidden in reply to vinman12]

Thank you for your honesty and suggestions. He is taking medication and aware he needs to seek further help. I will be gentle and try to get him there.

I wish you well in your journey to wellness.

[puglove0093]

Hey! I feel for you. I was in the opposite situation. I have severe anxiety and had a season of depression and my husband had to go through it with me. The best thing is to not try and change them. Has he sought medical help? Or have y'all gone to counseling together? Or separately? I know it always helps to talk to someone not your family/spouse and get out emotions/thoughts you sometimes can't express with them.

[Hidden in reply to puglove0093]

Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. I am going to gently bring up counseling for us both as a start to his journey in wellness.

I do wish you continued wellness.