I am glad to be here!

[Amg05]

Hello everyone!

I am glad to be a part of this wonderful group! It took me awhile to participate, but I finally got the courage! I am a 66 year old female veteran, who has been suffering from MDD, since I was a 26 yrs Old . I went into the military at age 28, and it has been all downhill since. I experienced some traumatic incidents that catapulted me into MDD. As a child, I was abused by a mother, who insisted that she was assaulted by my father. All I know, is that she hated me her whole life. I was a loner in elementary school, and made 2 friends in college. They have since passed away. I am married and I have 2 adult children with 2 grandchildren.

I am anti-social and simply hate being in large groups of people. My anxiety skyrockets and I feel as if I can not breathe. I don’t attend many events (must be mandatory), and I prefer to watch TV, and read books. I have made 2 suicidal attempts and I have a Psychiatrist that I see once a month, or anytime in an emergency. It helps. I sometimes work in my garden, and send all my days trying to stay alive. I hope to enjoy this forum and met others.

[BlueAgave]

Welcome Amg05! I hope you find as much support and comfort as I have in this community. Chat anytime 😊

[Sugaree]

Hi Amg,welcome. I had a similar childhood experiences with my mother. She was bipolar but not on meds and she was cruel. My father never really liked me. I had my first anxiety attack when I was 5. I have had chronic daily pain since I was 30. I also was diagnosed with MDD. It’s usually the pain that brings on the depression. I am in a state right now trying not to cry. Drove 3 hours with my husband for his carpal tunnel surgery. I’m broken from the ride. Hard to travel with arthritis and pinched nerve. Everyone here is here for support or just needing to be heard. Lots of kind people here. I hope to hear more from you. I live in Ca.

[Amg05 in reply to Sugaree]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am glad that I finally decided to join. I am scheduled to go to my step-daughter’s wedding. I am so nervous and anxious about this, I tried to tell my husband that I did not feel comfortable around his kids. He would hear nothing of it. I feel so twisted, his kids are nice to me, when he is around, but totally ignores me otherwise. It is just for 3 days, maybe I will be ok………

[Cookie2217]

Hi Amg05. Welcome to the group and this community! There are many caring individuals here that offer such good advice and tips for when you are struggling. I, myself made three suicide attempts with the last one being my most dangerous. I was only 15 minutes away from death and I was totally grey. I spent a day and a half in ICU and they also pumped my stomach too. I have no recollection of any of it. Only God himself could have saved me as I was surely not going to make it. I feel God saved me for a reason and that's to share my story with others in the hopes of saving lives. We all have special gifts given to us by God himself I believe that God wants me to share my own experiences with people to put them at ease so they know that I'm safe to talk to at all times. If I help just one person, then everything that I went through would have been worth it if it saves one life!

I too suffer with MDD since 2006, after I was married and miscarried a baby and then did IVF which didn't take which devasted me. I've have to be antidepressants ever since. It's been a long road to say the least with my last depressive episode lasting four long debilitating years. I finally began to see the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel a month or so ago when I changed my Pristiq 100 mg to 20 mg. of Prozac. I also take 10 mg. of Abilify as a booster. It is working very well for over a month with absolutely no side effects whatsoever and I am forever grateful!

Please write back as I would love to know how you are doing and if things are any better for you. Wishing you peace and well-being.

[Amg05 in reply to Cookie2217]

Thank you so much for your welcome. I spend so much time alone, I have almost forgotten how to communicate with people. I am doing fair today, but overcome with anxiety, because of an upcoming wedding. My husband’s daughter is getting married and of course, he wants me there. His ex will be there and she is a nightmare! Not afraid of her, just afraid of how I will respond. (I am known to retaliate very harshly). It will only be for 3 days and I am trying to stay calm. I am presently on Vortioxetine and Prazosin for my nightmares and PTSD. I hope to stay on this forum and get to understand and interact with others.

[Cookie2217]

Hi there Amg05. I can totally understand why your not super excited about attending this wedding especially if you don't do well in group situations. Try the 567 method of breathing maybe.... slowly breathe in for 5 seconds and hold for 6 seconds and then breathe out for 7 seconds. That automatically calms your nerves. Regarding your husband's ex. don't even pay her any mind. You know your better than she is right? Trying my attempt at humor here with you but seriously ignore her and act like you don't even realize she's even there. Or if forced smile, nod and keep it moving. Best way to deal with that stuff. Good luck at the wedding and let me know how you do ok. Take care!

[Amg05]

Thank you so much for the tips and the advice. I wil definitely try that method! I will write when I return. Take care and hope that you are having a good day!