Feeling Defeated today

[Jerseygurl609]

So let me start off by saying I'm happy to be able to express myself. I've been holding in so much and I'm just tired of having days were I'm just sad. The past few weeks feel defeated with life. I lost my mom 9 years ago and I'm still hurting. My mom was everything to me. Now I'm always missing our conversations. I just want to have those conversation about my struggles, my fears, my happy moments and most importantly her grandchildren. My grieving and depression cause me to loss my place, and now I lived with my brother. I just want my own place and get back into what makes me happy. I can't do that living with my brother. It just doesn't feel like home.

[Emptyspace2]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you’re able to find a way to get back on your feet. Are you getting any mental health services? Sometimes they have access to funds that can help you get back on your feet.

[Jerseygurl609 in reply to Emptyspace2]

Hello I did sign up through my job to start services. It’s hard getting back on my feet and having three children . One is autistic and he is verbal but he still have his challenges daily.

[Adlon57]

Independence can be good, survival on ones inner self, on my wits, I have been doing it now for over twenty years, after my family moved me in to a house, my mother had died, shortly after the death of my dad, I have been disabled all my life, and I was positively spoilt by my parents, the middle of five siblings, they all went their own way. I have adapted but practically every night still dream about my parents down in the house the family all lived in for 42 years. I need company now after all these years, I'm retired and my health is worsening, it might be good living on your own for a while, the adaptations the challenges, the complete independence, I had bloomed becoming a real hermit, a real old moaner and groaner, maybe you have not reached my stage in life, but the memories I had when I first arrived here, 21 years later I still get them, the hermit is needing to come out of his hermitage, living on one's own has its limits then health like a dark cloud envelopes you, be careful what you wish for? Good Luck anyway?

[Jerseygurl609 in reply to Adlon57]

Your so right independence is good. I think my mom shield me from being on my own. She didn’t want to be by herself. We was one big happy family who always has fun. I’m trying to balance it all.

[Sugaree]

hi and welcome. I lost my mother 5 years ago. This month would be her 85th birthday. I am sorry you are missing your mom so much. It’s hard, I wish she were here so I can share my beautiful grandchildren with her. There are alot of people on this site that offer support. Hope you are feeling better tomorrow. I am also a Jersey girl!

[Jerseygurl609 in reply to Sugaree]

I love Jersey and I miss Jersey . It’s hard not being able to talked to my mom. When I just want to talked I don’t have anyone to talk to. The people I do talk to be focus on other things while I’m trying to talk.

[Sugaree]

I know the feeling, stopped talking about my chronic pain with my sisters. They not interested nor do they care. My mom was the only one that listened she had chronic pain too. My husband and I moved to Poconos in Pa. Better place to raise kids and I was sick of the suburbs. Now I am on west coast and still have strong Jersey accent. Something that still connects me with NJ. Blessings for you and your family.

[Hidden]

HI Jersey Girl,

I also live in NJ and I also lost my Mom 9 years ago this past May. Even though I'm considerably older than you are (70), losing a parent, especially your Mom is like losing a part of yourself. I know how you feel. I also lost my Dad 19 years ago, so now I have no family left. You need to give yourself time to grieve. The pain never fully goes away, but you learn how to deal with it and carry it with you. I'm sure you loved your Mom very much and had a close relationship. Thus, you miss the daily conversations and having someone to go to when you're in trouble and need help. And also to share good news with. I totally get it. Allow yourself to grieve. Perhaps a support group would help. I know that I enrolled in one when I lost both parents and also when I lost my only child 22 years ago. It helped me get through some very dark times. I'm wishing you inner strength and peace to deal with your loss and in time you will be able to cherish all the wonderful memories you have.