Bad marriage and no family....

I am in a bad marriage and my family is not around and/or do not care. Due to my health I can't move out. His personality and the way he deals is really affecting my will to live. I don't want to be here and I feel it will be a matter of time. I am sick of battling MDD and PTSD. I also deal with an autoimmune disease and migraines. I am tired all the time. There is not a medication that works on my depression. I am so tired. 😓

[aneenpt]

Hi Posey Lane. Im so sorry that your marriage is not working out the way you had hoped. A few questions 1st. Is your husband physically or verbally abusive? Do you have any children still living with you? And have you tried to get your medication changed. Anti deppressant. I had to try 3 or 6 different kinds b4 i found one that worked for me. Please dont give up, you can always go to a womens shelter if you need to. They can help you get back on your feet. Try it. And good luck. You can do this. I believe in you.

[Hidden in reply to aneenpt]

No children. He isn't physically abusive. My therapist says he is abusive in subtle ways, none the less, which is still abuse. I tried so many medications over the span of 20 years and they don't work. I wish they did.

My "husband" is manipulative, TRIES to gaslight me. He said, I am going to sell the house and give you everything! Well the house isn't worth much, so it would equate to putting me out on the street. Then he pretends he didn't mean it....things like that. Typical gas-lighting...which doesn't work on me, but it is exhausting to live with such an fd up person. He definitely doesn't care about my well-being, he constantly dismisses me either by simply not responding, saying he'll do something and doesn't. He is very selfish. He has dismissive avoidant attachment style (DA) and refuses to get help. Some women have equated DA to the exhaustion of dealing with a true narcissist. He has seen me at my worst , in a hospital, and just not care.

The other piece of being married is that I am on his insurance, which covers all my illnesses.

A women's shelter in my case wouldn't make sense in the way that he is not physically abusive and it is an in-between place to get somewhere else....there is nowhere else. At this point, my MDD, PTSD as well as all other illnessses keep me from being able to hold a job in order to get my own place. I worked my entire life and miss it.

There are so many other things going on too - it is exhausting and I am tired. I have a therapist, but it is to have someone to talk to in person. I feel I can't be "fixed."

I just can't see this situation getting better and there is nowhere to turn. I've tried to ask for help from people I know to just talk, and people truly do not care.

[Hidden]

I am scared because never relied on anyone. Now I rely on him 100%. If something happens, I will be on the street. I have tried to figure out a way out of this...there is no way out. I have a therapis. Thank you for telling your story and responding.

[Hidden]

He owns and I am on the deed. The first time I applied for disability, the lawyer let it fall through the cracks and I wasn't able to have my time in court. 2nd x, I called several lawyers who didn't want to take my case, because disability for depression and PTSD are hard to get and I didn't have enough current papework. I am a fighter - I've had to do it my entire life. I have tried everything. I've been fighting this fight since I was a little girl and I am tired.

[Teaching]

Sorry you are going through this. Just know that we are here to listen to you.

[Hidden in reply to Teaching]

Thank you. Besides what I wrote. I have so much going on. I had so many troubles with my mom - I had to cut her off. I moved states to live with my mom and step-dad in order to get the help I needed and they didn't care and made things worse. I don't even like this state, have no connections so that makes things worse. This is before I met my husband. Fast forward 13 years later, my mom was so neglectful, cruel, and non-caring that I had to cut her off last year. My brain just disassociated and could not take it anymore. It is so painful. She is also 80 and sadly even though she lives a town over, I know I'll never see her again. It has been so painful. My dog just passed away. My husband abandoned me emotionally. This is like torture and I've given it my all my entire life. I am so tired that I feel 80 and just ready. I know people want to give solutions, but sometimes there are no more solutions, like with some other ailments. I just need an ear. I literally have nobody. It is so hard to even get out of bed, since my dog passed. There is nothing I can say to the guy I live with. On paper he is my husband, but I don't like calling him that. He isn't even a man.

[Teaching in reply to Hidden]

It's so unfortunate that we have to go through all these in the hands of people that are supposed to show us love. What I do to alleviate the pain I go through daily is to make peace with myself. Do what makes you happy.live for yourself ! Get up and ignore everything around you. Just focus on yourself.

[Hidden in reply to Teaching]

I am going through so much that I do not know what happiness looks like anymore. I wish I was in a different situation.

[Teaching in reply to Hidden]

Glad you are part of this community now. I believe there's still reason to live. it's hard but please focus on yourself more.

[Ryanlion]

Hi poseylane,I am like you in the fact i dont have much success with medication. Im in UK and i am going to try LDN. Known here as Low dose Naltrexine. Dont know if it is called the same in America. Invery small doses around 4.5mgs it works for many physical & mental illness. Its very cheap to buy and a safe medication. If your interested look it up on Youtube. Once you have the depression under control you will be able to see a way forwarcd Good luck.