Finding strength to keep going

[NurturingNature]

hi guys. This is my first post on here and am brand new to the site.

I have had severe anxiety and panic disorder my entire life and it has essentially controlled my life. Every single day, I battle against it all to just even live, let alone enjoy myself.

I have come a long way since I was little and am extremely good at hiding my struggles. I have a very supportive partner who has helped me through my struggles and amazing friends who are more than supportive. I truly am so lucky. I am to become a nurse and have a full time job in a hospital that I am very good at. I appear to the outside world as successful and like I have everything together. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

But the past few weeks have been excruciating. I have times of feeling peace. But I have horrific moments of anxiety and panic that are so tiring and, well unbearable. I feel my world is off tilt. I am exhausted of trying to explain how I feel and what having panic disorder is like. I have had 25+ years of this. I am so done.

I guess I want to find others who truly understand how all consuming and horrific living with panic disorder and anxiety can be.

[BlueAgave]

Welcome NurturingNature. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I truly understand how difficult it is living every single day with anxiety and panic. It's wonderful that you have a good support group and I hope you can find some support here as well. I know you're exhausted, but I encourage you to keep pushing through. 🩷

[PanicSucks]

I began having NON-STOP panic attacks immediately after taking a cafergot, a drug for treating migraines, when I first started getting them at 19 years old. The panic attacks were major ones every few minutes or so with no relief - think of a record that keeps skipping or one attack after another without rest from the time I woke up until I fell asleep.

I began taking various drugs and drug combinations/dosages to mitigate it. Finally, after twenty years of settling for panic attacks at rate of one a day, I hit on a medication combination that STOPPED my panic attacks almost completely (maybe one or two per year!) I'd like to share it with you: 300 mg of venlafaxine XR 1 x per day; Xanax .5 mg 3 x per day and as needed if flying, expecting a very anxiety-producing experience, agoraphobic-inducing behavior such as walking in open spaces, etc.; 50 mg atenelol which helped with heart palpitations and anxiety with public speaking.

If I had been offered that treatment sooner, it would have saved hours and hours of suffering and terror. Sometimes, I think we settle for a certain level of relief without continuing the search for more effective treatments. This is best treatment I've come up with so far and have added Yoga Nidra (for falling asleep) and bi-weekly therapy. Hope sharing this helps you or someone else!

[Moonfeather_]

I really connect with what you shared about feeling controlled by those creeping, overwhelming sensations. For me, it’s not just the panic attacks themselves—it’s the fear of them that feels so consuming. I avoid elevators, and I can’t even get into a car without a water bottle. The water bottle has become my lifeline, and while it helps me cope, I feel like I’m a slave to it. If I don’t have it, I spiral into a panic attack, and my nervous system is derailed for the next 12 hours. It’s exhausting, and honestly, I feel so much shame about it, like these panic attacks somehow make me weak.

I’ve tried so many things—seen countless professionals—and at one point, I made it my goal to work towards getting rid of the water bottle. But one counselor said something that shifted my perspective. In this soothing way, she told me, “The water bottle isn’t controlling you—it’s your care kit. It’s okay to have it. You’re in control of your well-being, and bringing the bottle is just a way to take care of yourself.” That reframing gave me a little more peace. It helped me feel less ashamed of what I need to feel safe.

I hope this resonates with you, too. I’ve never really talked to others who experience panic attacks like I do, but my mom encouraged me to join a support group, so here I am.

Oh and btw, I never drink the water, but if it’s not there, I’m suddenly dying of thirst like I’ve been lost in the dessert for 2 days.