How to manage my stress around my acquaintances

[EricJones]

I know I keep talking about these issues and I apologize if you're getting sick of hearing about it, but I need to find ways to tolerate being downstairs with people without freaking out inside. I need to stop jerking my head so much, or moving my body in a way that maybe noticeable. I need to stop putting my attention onto basic human movements or get caught up in sounds. I'm trying to find all the support I can get. Once again i'm sorry for the excess posts on these topics but I need to get it out of my head.

[Dolphin14]

Eric

This is your issue and this is why you came to HU. People don't have to read your post if they don't want to. Don't worry about posting it

It gets hard not knowing what to advise. This a trauma related issue not everyone knows how to handle trauma.

I really think continuing to expose yourself is the only answer. Through exposure you will see you are safe and at some point that will all come together.

None of us are therapists. Your therapist will be able to guide you through this. I'm a trauma victim and I lived in a hypervigilant state of awareness for many years.

It's draining, it's frightening and it seems like it will never stop.

Have you tried sitting away from them so you can't hear them?

🐬

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

In the DARE book I've learned that you need to sit with your anxiety. Running away from social gatherings only make the fear stronger.

Understand that your anxiety is going to manifest itself in different ways. And another hard thing to do is let it manifest itself in that way. Just allow it to be there. But once you do, it'll eventually dissipate and resolve itself. Of course this takes time and practice. You have to tell yourself that this is just anxiety. And tell your anxiety to "F off" or say to it "Whatever". Allow it to be but carry on. Nobody on the outside will know that you're having an internal struggle. And then you have to just run with it. Run towards your anxiety. Engage would be the last step. Do something that occupies your full attention. Have a conversation with one of your acquaintances. If you know something that they like or you have a common interest in talk about that. Don't decide do something that distracts you. Because a distraction only lasts for so long and anxiety will rear its head again. But try to fully engage in the moment. Listen to conversations happening and if you can contribute. Now I'm not saying you should force anything. Tried to go downstairs and sit with folks for like 15 minutes without checking in on yourself. I know people with anxiety. Love to do that. To see if they're still fine and if they're feeling fine. Or in your case if you're mimicking things. And once that 15 minutes is up you can either go back upstairs or see if you can push a little further. Again all this takes time and effort. And you're not always going to do these steps right And it doesn't have to be perfect.

I know I don't do these steps in the correct order. Or do them perfectly. And some days I can and other days I simply cannot. We are human. But as long as you try and keep putting yourself out there, the more the fear will lessen along with the anxiety.

[EricJones in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

i just dont know how to stop thinking about how my head is coming across or my stiffness is

[BlueAgave]

Hi Eric. Don't be sorry for posting how you feel. That's why we're all here. I wish we could all quickly heal our anxieties, but it takes time. I think you are doing great just by continuing to put yourself in those uncomfortable situations. In my opinion, I doubt people are super focused on you, but on their own anxieties. Keep trying!

[EricJones in reply to BlueAgave]

I know they aren't focused on me, but I feel like they are

[litethatnevergoesout]

this won’t answer your question but maybe it can put a different sort of ease to your mind.

Let’s say everyone or at least the majority of the group does notice all your head jerking or your body moving in a noticeable way, I know if I were one of the members of the group noticing that all time I would think to myself “that’s Eric, he just does that. That’s who he is. I hope it doesn’t hurt. Eric is quiet but he’s a cool quiet.” people do still accept others for who they are so keep being you while you work at this at your own pace.

[EricJones in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

thanks man i hope people view me that way

[Teaching]

Keep being with people Eric. One day you will not even notice the feeling again.

[EricJones in reply to Teaching]

so you think its a feeling coming over my body , that makes me behave in a certain way..one day those feelings will go away and then the negative feelings as well?

[Teaching in reply to EricJones]

Yes Eric, you have to keep being with people even if your mind is telling you otherwise. If you isolate yourself, you will be worse.

[EricJones in reply to Teaching]

i feel really anxious around people. i'm just wondering when itll get easier, because the sounds that people make and the movements they make make me incredibly tense and nervous that they can tell.

[Teaching in reply to EricJones]

I feel anxious too but isolation doesn't help. It will definitely get better.

[MaggieSylvie]

It's ok, Eric. You can vent away here and no-one will get tired of hearing from you. Be sure, though, that you ARE heard. We all care, and wish we had answers other than what we've already tried.

Perhaps you could think about how those close to you know what to expect from you and they accept your "behaviours". If they accept them, then why don't you accept them. The less you beat yourself up, the less power they will have over you and so will bother you less. It's just an attitude you could have towards yourself - you could try it. Good luck and hugs.

[SameTimeTomorrow7]

Try relaxation exersizes, or meditation. The web is full of recommendations for these techniques. Give them a try, it can't hurt. Good luck.