how to get help for my wife

[tzon]

My wife has multiple instances where I can tell she has anxiety about something but she does not tell me what the problem is. She only speaks to me in a high pitched negative toned voice and tells me (very angrily) that everything I'm doing is wrong, even when the day before she said I was doing everything right and she was very happy. I am constantly confused about what I'm doing right or wrong, because whatever I did right yesterday or the day before does not apply to today's circumstance. I really need help for myself and know she needs help also but she does not think she has a problem, nor anxiety issues. Please help me understand what I can do during these anxiety attacks to help calm the situation and get her to stop speaking to me in this fashion, because its really putting me down, even though I'm strong and can overcome her negativity and can tell myself its just a minor one time occurrence, some times I do get frustrated. Please provide any advice. tips or tricks you can give me to either help her go to a professional or admit that she has an anxiety problem. Desperately need help.

[fauxartist]

this is a really tough place to be in tzon, cause the people here aren't professionals and can't diagnose or suggest treatment...but we sure can be supportive for you while you try to figure out what to do. For yourself I would say for sure get counselling...because your between a rock and a hard spot....your wife isn't willing it sounds like to take the first step which is admitting she has a problem, because she is just too sick to realize she has a problem, and that's painful to watch....and your becoming an emotional punching bag. First thing I would say is that you are not able to 'fix' her. And that's frustrating when you see someone you love suffer....second...it's not your fault, she is sick, and it's no easy fix. Try as hard as you can to not blame yourself or get too caught up in her mania....remember that she is going through something she nor you can control without professional help. But foremost you have to get help for you too. Mental illness effects everyone around you....and when we are not willing to acknowledge we have a disease, we can't begin the journey to get better. And it is a life long journey that we simply need help through. I'm really very sorry your going through this, but commend you for being loving enough to reach out any way you can to help her...it's truly compassion at it's finest...your a good guy to do that....hang in there....there are a lot of kind and caring people hear you can talk with....

[Agora1]

tzon, Hi and Welcome to the support group. I agree with fauxartist in that your wife does need to see a professional. Sounds like she is struggling with mood swings that are affecting you as well. Talking with a therapist and possible medication could make a world of difference for both of you. Getting someone you care about to seek help is not easy. I wish I knew the answer. I have been struggling with getting my anorexic daughter to get help for years. Maybe if you saw a counselor, they may be able to direct you in the right direction so that she thinks it's her idea to get the help she needs. I certainly wish you well. Please keep us updated.

[Hidden]

I hear your pain and frustration, it must be really difficult to live with someone acting in this way. Just curious, has she been checked by a doctor for hormonal issues? Aside from hormonal issues, then a professional counselor is the next step. Please consult someone for your own sanity. There is a very good book called Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend you may find helpful as well.

[Maxyz3]

Your wife is having anxiety and anxiety tends to make one angry..i know going through anxiety myself I would get angry with my husband because he didn't have anxiety I wanted to be like him with no anxiety I envied him he was the rock of Gibraltar nothing bothered him. It was all jeously on my part. Its not fun being anxious day in and day out. Just try being patient with her its not your fault I found getting a hug from my husband was nice because anxious people feel so alone. Try saying positive things to her be willing to listen to her. Only your wife can fix herself . She has to change her thinking which is mostly negative. You can help her think more positive but it's her choice to do that. Anxiety is caused by worry and fear. You sound like a good husband and want to help your wife and I am proud of you. Hang in there be patient .

[Hidden]

Your wife does the same thing I did. It sounds like anxiety to me. Maybe you could get her to watch some youtube videos that talk about anxiety and hopefully she will see she needs help. My husband left me because of my mood swings. He had no desire to understand what I was going through. He took everything I said literally even though I apologized almost immediately afterwards.

It can be a long process once you start getting help. There’s many, many options out there and you just have to keep trying different things to see what works for you. If your wife isn’t willing to get help, then you need to get help because her negativity will affect you in a really bad way. I wish you the best! Your a good husband for doing what you’re doing!