Anxiety/Relationships

[tanj24]

Hi all, this is my first time posting here. I am struggling with anxiety and working on getting to the root of it. I grew up with an overbearing mother and developed a habit of constantly overthinking because I could never foresee when I would randomly get in trouble for something. She read my journals and went through all of my personal stuff up until a couple years ago and had to go no contact for months. She even went through my husband’s stuff and she would gather information and act like everything was fine and randomly blow up at me.

This has taken a toll on my marriage. Without realizing it, I ask a lot of attention and energy from my husband to the point he stopped working out to spend time with me. I feel horrible that I caused so many bad habits for us.

My husband is the kindest man but when pushed too far, can blow up and say mean things. I used to just blame these blowups on him, but I’m starting to realize I’ve been fixating on things that haven’t happened and caused fights over nothing. Habits that have developed from my upbringing. I’m trying to find ways to cope and communicate better with him.

We had another yelling match last week and mean things were said. These leave both of us depressed afterwards. This one was caused by his cousin (who was house sitting) going through all of our stuff and this is a cousin I’ve had issues with in the past because he gossips about me to the family. Obviously this was a huge trigger and I fixated on it for 8 hours and wouldn’t stop even though my husband was agreeing with me. He finally blew his temper and was screaming and asking if I was stupid. I called him names too because I was upset. Some alcohol was also involved, as we both drink and are working on cutting back.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? I hope I can actually get better at communicating. I keep finding myself in the same cycle

[Holy_grail]

Hi there. My husband and I fight like that too, and most of the time is because there's alcohol involved and my insecurities come out so easily while drunk. We mainly fight because like you, I accuse him or even resent him over things that are only in my head! I hate this. I feel like I've become so codependent of him and I am so terrified of losing him that any little thing triggers me and feel like he will leave me or cheat on me.

I've started therapy but it's going so slow and I don't know what else to do because I spend all day with horrible anxiety and bad thoughts. I have no motivation to do anything or talk to anyone other than him, but it isn't healthy. For neither of us.

The family thing, I would cut them off your life. I know some people cannot fathom the idea of cutting family off their lifea for the simple reason that they are, well, family, but if someone is toxic towards your life, you gotta do what you gotta do because it's not worth it.

But again, it's not like I am in the best position to give advice so I don't know

Let me know what you think