Mother's Day

[Mira2244]

I'm upset . I am hopefully seeing my only son on Mother's Day on Sunday for a few hours . He will not be with me long because he is running home to go pick up his girlfriend to go see her parents .

It's not because of the girlfriend that he has limited his time with me . He has no desire to see me at all . He hardly ever talks to me and if he never did he would be happier. I am a single mother . He remembers his childhood as being torturous and feels I am the blame . I remember giving him anything he wanted while balancing a terrible recovery from an abusive alcoholic marriage and putting a roof over our heads that was pretty darn nice with very little help from anyone else . I remember spending every once of my energy on his happiness.

I have failed to teach him my value or my values some how .

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I'm very sorry to hear that. I can't say I relate. My grandmother has been in your shoes though. She was married to a very abusive man. Unfortunately by the time she got out of that marriage it was a bit too late for her children. He had beaten them, molested and SA at least 3 of them.

As they got older they held resentment towards their mother. Including my father. But my mom told my father that it was unfair to hold his mother totally at fault. She tried her best. She wasn't working with a full deck as they say. She was intelligently slow. So she didn't catch the subtle hints of SA. Also she would put herself up as a sacrifice and took some of the beatings for her son's. But she couldn't be everywhere all the time. Her husband would send her away to work which means the smaller kids would be left unprotected. My mother told my father that she did the best she could. She was just afraid of him as he was when he was a child. Also back in the 60s the law wasn't on her side either. She reminded my father that if he judge her for not doing "enough" what about him? He was the eldest child, he could have come back and beat the living tar out of his step father, why didn't he? My mother says your mother never asks that of you. My father had to sit with that and think about it. He realized that his anger was misplaced.

He talks to his mother everyday on the phone. And at least 3 of her sons talk to her. Unfortunately the rest I guess feel like your son. And they don't want to talk about what has happened in the past or share how they feel. It probably would help. But you can't make him do anything he don't want to do.

Maybe one day he'll talk about things to you. And you can share your feelings with him too. And both of you can heal.

I wish you peace and healing 🫂❤️