Having a rough day...: So found out my... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Having a rough day...

Windyred
Windyred

So found out my co-parent is going out of town to same place I am on New Year’s Eve except he will be with his new girlfriend. First reason it hurt is because he’s going to a Roarin’ 20’s party which he absolutely would never have done with me past year 1 of marriage. Then there was a mix up with who our daughter was staying with tonight. He blames me for the miscommunication but she’s 16 and driving herself and she should have told him. She told me she’d tell him. But I guess it put a damper on how he thought his night would go so he’s upset at me. I told him to leave me alone. I don’t want to have anything to do with him outside of what I have to involving our daughter.

I had been in a really good place the last couple days and not dwelling on our relationship but this has my brain spinning again. Wish I could just be done grieving this relationship already. I have friends I will be with tonight and have fun and now my brains all muddled. Ugh

14 Replies
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She’s 16. I couldn’t trust my teens and didn’t put that pressure on them to remember their brains every day😁 poor things. My counterparent got a text with what he was going to do. It was so much easier.

Communication is hard during this stage. Text his girlfriend or mother. Don’t talk to him. Let yourself let go.

Best of luck to you

Doaty💛

Hidden
Hidden

As a stepmom and my husband that had visitation for years and then got custody and my she had visitation for years, you can't rely on the children to communicate visits, especially on a holiday. I would say that the kids should then be with you since it wasn't communicated. I hope you can still have a good time anyway.

Windyred
Windyred in reply to Hidden

Well our family counselor told me and told my daughter for her to handle the schedule changes if it was something she wanted to do. So I was following advice from her. But either way it wasn’t like I was personally trying to do that to upset him. If he makes a mistake I forgive and say no big deal and move on. But there is zero leeway on my end. Counselor told her to. I told her to. Nothing was a personal attack against him. That’s what makes it difficult to deal with. I’m always the one giving and folding and worrying if he’s offended and there’s zero consideration from his end.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Windyred

I get it. I've been there. I just think little involvement for the kids is best. I totally disagree with that counselor. Plus it should be spelled out in the divorce papers for holidays.

Windyred
Windyred in reply to Hidden

So far we have been really good at making arrangements. Since he has a girlfriend now it’s been more difficult though. I guess that’s not uncommon.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Windyred

It's not uncommon. The ex wife married the guy she cheated with so we had to deal with that for years. I can tell you taking the upper road is the answer. We never said one bad thing to him but he hasn't spoken to his mother in years and doesn't plan to. He sees who really cared for him and sacrificed in the end.

Please don’t think I was blaming you. You kindly said coparenting. Mine was hard working the counterparenting angle.

I was more reminiscing about what my adults were like as teens. No reflection on you or your daughter. I got sidetracked.

I’m sorry it’s such a hard time. Yes they have to take responsibility for themselves. I would be upset he’s at the same place too and it’s something you want to do.

I’m sorry I got lost in my knuckleheads for a minute.

I hope you have a blessed night.

Doaty 💛

No worries Doaty. Everyone has given me advice so it’s confusing on who to listen to. Obviously I won’t trust her again. Lesson learned. I just wish he was cooler about things.

I could look at my youngest at 16 and say ‘tell your dad blah blah blah’ and in 10 seconds from my lips to hers on the phone it turned into ‘yada, yada, yada’. She drove us crazy bless her heart. In the USA in the south ‘bless her heart’ means dumber than the dog. She wasn’t but by gosh get your head in the game child.

My ex was so hard to deal with you could put coal up his keister and an hour later get a diamond.

I’m praying for you dear. It’s not a long season in your life.

Doaty that’s really encouraging! My daughter is usually really reliable. She’s an only child and super responsible. In the end it didn’t change his plans except maybe having an overnight guest. I think that’s why he’s so upset with me.

Sounds like you need to take charge of your 16 year old daughter, in this day and age, I would not let my 16 year old out without supervision. As far as your Ex- ignore him, if he want to act like a baby that is his choice, do not let it affect you and your plans, you deserve to have fun. So go and have fun, it will all come out in the wash, and old saying we used to use in England. Trust yourself and your own judgement, listen to that inner voice, it seldom let us down. Go and have fun, you deserve it.

I wish you you dancing, eating, talking, what ever there is to enjoy. Happy New Year with Love and Hugs.....Sprinkle 1.....

Windyred
Windyred in reply to Sprinkle1

Thanks Sprinkle. I will definitely do that going forward! I appreciate it. I wish it was easier to turn my brain off!

I hear your hurt. I hope this message finds you after a night of happiness. You are not alone. I am sorry

O tha sounds horrible! I completely understand what you mean when you say your head gets all muddy and it starts spinning.Its as though we can't get out of our own way. I am beginning to see that I can smile and laugh at things independent of my wife ie my pain.

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