So I have made previous posts about my husband and his live in girlfriend or as I look at her the home wrecker. Anyway my first ex-husband got wind of what is going on because I have been talking to my daughter (she’s 26) he has offered me to stay at his place with him and his girlfriend in his basement. Paying $500 a month in rent and also helping out with other bills if needed. I want to go but I feel like such a loser because here I am running to my first ex-husband for help because I failed at my second marriage. I also have some reservations because his girlfriend is a recovering drug addict and I know that my current husband would use that against me in court because of our son. But I can’t stay where I am at because today he tells me that he likes having sex with me (however we haven’t had any in a while) but he lusts after his girlfriend. Like WTF because she is younger. The b**** has a very nasty disposition she complains about everything you can’t make her happy at all. We used to have two queen beds in our room she was happy then because she got him to herself all night long however I kept throwing remarks around about how unfair it was that I was outcast to my own bed and what not so he went out and bought a king size bed now all she does is complains about the bed every single day it’s because she doesn’t have him to herself she actually has to share him. He’s in love with her but she says so much crap behind his back it’s not even funny like she wishes she can contact her mom behind his back or she wishes she could just leave him. But he doesn’t know any of this and she will deny this if called out on any of this.. I am just done with everything.
Need to start making decisions - Anxiety and Depre...
Need to start making decisions
Excuse me for asking but I’m slightly confused. Are you saying that the three of you all share the same bed?
We did but because she complained so much I decided to start sleeping on the couch. So he basically went out and spent money on a king size bed for nothing.. I should’ve corrected my post.
Cheers for clearing that up. Having read this and your other posts I can see it’s going to be difficult to extricate yourself from this ménage a trois and you certainly need more complex help than I can offer but I wish you well and hope you do find a way to get out.
I’m sorry he treats you that way
You do need to leave, but you are the only one who can decide on a suitable place for you and your child. There may be issues with a recovering drug addict. I would make sure she is really recovered before you decide to move in.
Dolphfan47, I do agree that you need to start making some decisions.
Decisions that will play into your happiness and the safety of your son.
You don't deserve to be second best in a relationship. What are the chances
of you divorcing your husband so that you could be free to be with a man who
would love you and you alone. I'm sure it's confusing to your son as well as
demeaning for you. There are many men out there who would love for you
to be their one and only. I hope you put that thought into the equation. 
xx
I don’t even think I am going to trust another man after all this.. it would have to be someone super special to get me to open my heart up again because I don’t think I can put myself out there after all this. I truly love my current husband like I have loved no one else and I feel that I don’t deserve to be happy. Not knocking any great man out there because I know there are some out there just not sure if anyone is gonna want me because I’m so damaged.
Your husband is the home wrecker. It was his decision to bring her in after all. Put the blame where it lies instead of someone else.
He is the failure too - not you. Where is your self esteem? And your pride. Find them and leave please now.
You’re absolutely right my husband is also the home wrecker but she made the choice to get involved. I do blame him for a lot of what has happened. She knew that he was married she made the choice to sleep with him and bare his children. So they are both to blame they share the blame trust me everyday I blame him. I even take some of the blame myself because I was too weak to say no and when I did push back he didn’t care he wanted her and didn’t care what he had to do to get her. Those were his words exactly.
Your husband is the one who is married. Your husband decided to take her in and give her children. All under your nose too. He is at least three quarters responsible.
Not only that he ignored you and does exactly what he wants no matter who he hurts. I wonder if he is a narcissist? Look it up online and see if it fits.
I totally agree with you
Oh and you haven't 'failed' at your marriage - he has.
I appreciate that but I still can’t help but feel like a failure.. I should of walked away a long time ago but now the oldest little girl and I have a special bond which is gonna kill/ hurt me when I do leave. My son asked me the other day what was he gonna do without his Mickey, his bed and his toys it broke my heart because they also have a very tight bond. But I can’t live like this anymore it’s time I started taking control of my life.
That's the spirit well done. Are they your children or just his?
It’s our son together.. and they have the girls together Mickey is the oldest girl she claims me as her favorite person her own mom is jealous of the relationship that we have.. it’s her own fault though because as Mickey was growing up I was the one around because anytime my husband wanted to have “sex” they would leave the her with me and go upstairs all the time.. the gf even told my husband once that she has separation anxiety from him worse than she does her own kids…. Like seriously she puts him first over her kids where I put my son first over him and he can’t stand that.. he feels that he should be first
Lawyer!
You actually deserve better. Think about your health and STD.
You deserve so much better than what you have. You probably need to be away from both ex husbands since both relationships sound toxic; not healthy for you or your son. Your #1 priority should be you and your mental health at this point. Do you have a girlfriend you can stay with , at least temporarily, until you can get a place for you and your son? Or even a shelter. Neither relationship you describe is healthy and not setting a good example for your son. It's not fair to you being treated like seconds.
Wait a minute, did you and your husband agree to an "open" relationship in the first place? If not, you need to leave the loser and get your son away from this toxic situation. As others have said, be careful where you go.
I pretty much did not have a choice my husband found her and decided to bring her into our marriage (based off of one incident I shared with him when I was drunk a long time ago) when I pushed back he said he already had feelings for her and he wanted her so he was gonna have her no matter what my feelings were. So thats how she came into our marriage she should of walked away or told him to divorce me if he wanted her but no she came in and has made my life hell for the last 2 1/2 years. I think shes does it so she can gloat that he chooses her for a lot of stuff.. I just want out and away from them so I can live my life with my son and be happy by myself.
Is there any way you can get him and his girlfriend to leave? I think you should not leave your home. Consult with an attorney and find out what your rights are. I’m sure any judge would not allow him to stay in the house with his girlfriend. As hard as it is, (I’ve been in a similar situation) you need to protect yourself and your son. Thinking of you and best of luck Dolphfan47.
Any advice would help right now. I don’t want to leave but I don’t want to deal with the toxicity and he surely is not going anywhere because he’s the only one on the mortgage I’m on the deed. I can’t deal with this any longer it’s becoming more and more toxic all he cares about is his relationship with her he focuses about 90%of his time on her and maybe 10% on our relationship if I’m lucky. He blames a lot of stuff on me and I seriously can’t take it any longer I’m just about ready to have a nervous breakdown. My therapist tells me that if I harm myself or someone else than it will be held against me in court for custody. I’m trying so hard to deal with this but when I have no one else to talk to it’s pretty hard.
i cannot for the life of me understand this ménage a trois,its unhealthy, and to me it seems sordid and doomed to failure. l couldn't live like this, and if you moved in with your ex that to is doomed to failure, you need a clean break from all this tawdry behavior ,for until you do you will forever be drenched in mire. It may seem harsh, but unless you remove yourself from this unsavoury life, your health will suffer greatly.
I just think this is a really crazy situation you’re in. I don’t know what to tell you to do.
Thanks yes this is a very difficult situation something I totally didn’t think I would ever find myself involved with at all.
I think your main focus now should be getting your own place....do you have a friend or relative that might be able to offer you and your son a room while you find a place? you mention that authorities may not be happy if you where living at your ex place because of his girlfriends drug issue....but I'm pretty sure living how you are....sharing your husband with his lover is equally unhealthy for your son....he probably picks up on the bad atmosphere. Just leave them to it and get away from that unhealthy situation....ask around and see if you can get help even just temporary untill you can find something permanent for you and your son xx
It’s not the authorities that will have an issue with me living at my exes house it’s going to be my husband he’s the one that Sos knows the girlfriend had a problem with drugs. So I see him calling CPS or contacting an attorney and trying to fight custody for my son and using that as a crutch. However my husband was in jail for 4 years and is a felon he had 4 accounts of endangering the welfare of a child (4 child under 18) and simple assault on a child. He actually lost his parental rights in that State because of that. I didn’t know about his record until I was already pregnant and involved with him..
Is there no one that can just offer you a room just until you can sort something else?
Unfortunately no one has an extra room for me and I have to stay within the State and my family lives out of State because of my son. The best option for me is my ex husband right now I did talk to my therapist and express my concerns and she said as long as the girlfriend is clean there should not be an issue.
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